Just Sayin'

Recently, my roommate started writing this story about a sassy, German vampire who hates Twilight. I'm very impressed with this story; I think it's should be an inspiration to anyone who seeks to write modern, Twilight disparaging literature. Anyway, after I read the story, I thought about it a bit and then I was like: "I should write something about the Loch Ness Monster", because Germans + Twilight = Lake Beast, as everyone knows. Anyway, I've always felt a certain connection to the Loch Ness Monster. When I was a kid, I saw the Cartoon Network special  Scooby Doo Meets the Loch Ness Monster , and I feel that that really gave me an insight into life as a lake monster. I mean, to be bested by a great dane, that must have been really tough for Nessie. I've also seen Water Horse and read the Wikipedia article on lake monsters. ...I'm basically an expert. So, I decided to call over to Scotland and see if Nessie wanted to talk to me. It turns out that...

Not the Best Father/Son Relationship So, if you've been watching Game of Thrones at all this season, you will know that everyone hates Tyrion Lannister. And, when I say everyone, I mostly mean his family. And, when I say his family, I mostly mean Tywin and Cersei. And when I say Tywin and Cersei, I mostly mean Tywin. I mean, Cersei's hatred for Tyrion is sort of understandable; she believes he killed her mother and killed her son. Even though both those ideas are incorrect, one can understand why she feels the way she feels. Tywin doesn't have that excuse. Tywin is a logical adult, perhaps one of the most consistently logical people in the series. Cersei was a child when Tyrion was born, so one can understand why she felt that he killed her mother (for the record, in case you didn't know, Joanna Lannister did die in child birth with Tyrion and Cersei thinks that this was somehow Tyrion's fault). Tywin, however, was an adult and as such could understand that...

So, a little while ago, my roommate and I developed something that we feel the world is in desperate need of: a sass odometer. A sass odometer is sort of like a richter scale for sassiness. Simply put, it is a way of ranking sassy comments based on three factors: overall sassiness, sass saturation, and intention to sass. This semester, while some were studying rhetoric and others were studying literature, we were studying sass. We've got sass down to a science. This is because, when you're in college, people will sass you more than they ever have in your entire life. It's four years of constant sass attack! You'll be in the convenience store, just buying a cliff bar, when one of your friends will be like "you're eating a cliff bar...I can't eat those; I'm trying to cut back on calories". BAM! Sass attack! Then, you'll be in the dining hall, eating taco salad for lunch (because you always eat taco salad for lunch), when someone (who...

So, in case you don't know, I live in Pennsylvania, and, in PA, we have the craziest, most bipolar, most non compos mentis , mad-as-a-March-hare weather you could ever hope to see. It's now May and we just started having warm weather like yesterday. It's not persistently warm weather either. You know the saying: 'April showers bring May flowers'? In the great state of Pennsylvania that saying is: 'March snow storms bring April downpours which bring May downpours'. Like, this morning I went outside and it was like 80 degrees, now it's getting ready to thunder storm. I mean, what is this??? It's not even like we live in one of those places that get 30 minute rain storms. If you're a Pennsylvania rain storm, you better be an all day rain storm or you should go home because you're raining on the wrong geographical zone. I have no problem with all day rain storms. I don't like them, but if I know that it's going to rain all day, I can...