Just Sayin'

What a Beautiful Young Nose So, I have a theory that Voldemort's nose is the most interesting character in the Harry Potter series.  Think about it, it was around in the Chamber or Secrets flashbacks and then, all of the sudden, it was gone! The story of Voldemort's nose leaves so many questions unanswered. Where did it go when it left Voldemort's face? How did Voldemort survive without a nose? How did his nose feel about that? I decided to write a short play to answer those questions. (Also, today is Lord Voldemort's birthday, so happy birthday to the most evil wizard to ever live, I hope you don't get your wish when you blow out your candles). *** Scene 1: Life of a Nose Enter a Nose, it is a pale nose, very pointy and sad. Nose: To sneeze or not to sneeze, that is the question. [Dramatic pause] I had a face once - a great and terrible face. The face of Voldemort. He was so evil; I was proud to be a part of that face. When I was on that face, I was

So, the other day I was on Facebook, you know, like your typical college student with three billion pages to read a night, and I found one of those list challenge where you go through a list of things and mark all the things on the list you've done. Anyway, I found one that was called '50 Books to Read Before You Die'. Anyway, I read a lot, so I thought it I would try it, but out of 50, I'd only read 19, and, while most of the books on the list are famous and well known and note-worthy, I don't think my life would be significantly different if I hadn't read Frankenstein. Which, by the way, was like the dullest book I've ever read. I don't really like this whole idea of list of "necessary" books. It's hard to create a list of books that everyone should read before they die because, obviously, not everyone likes the same sort of thing. That's not to say that I don't think dark or boring books can be valuable. For example, Heart of

So, as any good English major should, I get really upset when people under value the letter W. For some reason, people are constantly under-pronouncing the letter W in words. It's a very important letter for the English language. Think about it, without the letter W, we wouldn't have words like 'word' or 'who' or 'what' or 'Wednesday' (and you all know how I feel about Wednesday). Also, speaking phonetically, the W sound is produced by an voiced bilabial glide, and doesn't that just sound cool? Like, I have this one friend who just refuses to pronounce the W in the words 'drawer' and 'dwarf'. And I'm all like, I'm not sure if you know this, but W is actually the best letter. It upsets me so much! English, as a language, is super frustrating because most words have letters that aren't supposed to be pronounced. But I cannot think of a single instance of a word that contains a W in which the W is not supposed to be

So, I live in fear of several things, one: the zombie apocalypse, two: whales, and three: people who can't use semi-colons properly. But there is a fourth fear, a great fear that surpasses all other fears: the Harry Potter film remake. Now, before you freak out, let me just say that, as far as I know, there are no plans to remake the Harry Potter movies in the near future. But, let's be real here people, it's coming. If  Hollywood can remake The Wizard of Oz , perhaps one of the best known American film classics of all time, they can remake Harry Potter too. And I'm not even going to bring up the fact that someone actually managed to make Conan the Barbarian worse than the original; that took skill. I don't even want to talk about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory . Which means that a Harry Potter remake is actually quite conceivable. Like, I'm not saying it's going to happen today, or tomorrow. But in 10 or 20 years time, Warner Brothers is going to de

So, I used to think that I was really weird because, for some reason, I am constantly confusing Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones . But it turns out that it's not just me! (I still think I'm really weird, but for different reasons). It turns out that people have written whole articles about why Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones are basically the same show; there's even an Abbey of Thrones tumblr page ! Like, no one's beheading Mrs. Patmore over a salty pudding and the Iron Bank of Bravos is not going to repossess Downton because Lord Grantham lost the family fortune. Compared to Game of Thrones , the dinners and garden parties of Downton seem pretty insignificant, but what makes them both so compelling as shows is that the characters take their own lives seriously. To the characters on Downtown Abbey, a cricket match is just as important as a battle. Make of that what you will, but the point is that the characters are absorbed in their own world, which means t

After the massacre that was season three of Downton Abbey, season four was refreshingly cheerful. I'll admit that after Sybil and Matthew, two of my favorite characters, died, I was concerned that the show would fall apart. But, I have to say it's nice to see that season four has returned to some of the great Downton traditions: Edith's guy problems, Thomas schemes, and Mary's never ending parade of suitors. Downton has the unique gift of turning a show that is completely uneventful into something absolutley riveting. Downton Abbey is back to doing it Pride and Prejudice style. I mean, It just isn't the same show if Mary doesn't get proposed to at least once a season. That's not to say I wasn't upset about what happened to Matthew. But, on TV you can't linger on grief too much. The actor left the show, but the series must go on. Fortunately, Downton has a strong ensemble cast, so the lose of one character doesn't ruin the show. I'll admit

I feel very sorry for the Starks So, a long time ago when I was first starting to read the A Song of Ice and Fire books, I was trying to convince my friend to read it and one of the first things she asked me about it was if there were any love stories. I had to stop and think about that for a minute because there are like thousands of character arcs, but, in the end, I had to tell her 'no'. I mean, I guess that you could argue that Catelyn and Ned Stark have a bit of a 'love story', but by the time A Game of Thrones opens, the exciting parts of their love story are over. The Starks are happily married with five children which, while one of the happiest stories in A Song of Ice and Fire, isn't particularly interesting. Personally, I would love it if George R.R. Martin wrote a prequel to a Song of Ice and Fire about Robert's Rebellion and how Ned and Catelyn fell in love (that book would also answer a lot of other pressing questions), but I don't t

So, I just finished re watching season three of Game of Thrones and I have to say that Daenerys Targaryn just killed it this season. Like, seriously, it was the season of Dany. While everyone else is either being attacked by White Walkers or flayed alive, she's over in Essos taking over the world. I mean, at this point in the series, if you think that Dany is going to be murdered or drop off the face of the earth (cough, cough Gendry, cough, cough, Nymeria), you have to accept that you're pretty much wrong. I love Dany in the books, but, thus far, I wasn't super impressed with her in the TV show. This season really changed that. The producers really went out of their way to make her completely awesome this season; they really gave the character a chance to prove herself as a leader. She shows brilliant strategy in Astapor (she really is much smarter than anybody gives her credit for). She steps into the role of queen so easily and she never doubts herself; she is a nat

So, I was reading this article about an elephant preserve in Florida (if someone wants to explain why that makes sense) and they were talking about the many virtues of the elephant species. Let me tell you something, I love elephants. Like, I don't think they're too many people in the world who dislike elephants, but I love elephants. I even have an elephant piggy bank! What an oxymoron. Anyway, the article was talking about the family values of the elephant culture and the way the matriarch elephants hold the herd together and I was so pleased that people are finally starting to realize how great elephants are! To quote the article: "They are family oriented. They're honest and straightforward. We should learn from them". It was about this point in the article that I realized something very important: elephants are the antithesis of octopi. If you read my blog regularly, you know that octopi really freak me out. It's partially the fact that they have n

So, my roommate asked me to write a parody of Burred Lines that was about pumpkins (since she's basically on an all pumpkin diet). You're welcome. All you pumpkins get up! All you pumpkins get up! Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey If you're not a squash, if you're not a gourd If you're not a zucchini, if you're not a cucumber Maybe I'm making pie Maybe I'm carving a jack o' lantern Maybe I'm orange All you pumpkins get up OK now he was close, tried to carve you But you're an vegetable, baby, it's in your nature Just let me carve you Hey, hey, hey You don't need no squash Hey, hey, hey That gourd is not your gourd And that's why I'm gon' take a good gourd I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it You're a good gourd Can't let this pumpkin get past me You're far from squash Talk about getting carved I hate these pumpkin pies! I know you want it I know yo

I realized something today. I think I might be a hipster. Like, yesterday, I was walking down the street wearing a wool beanie, my thick rim glasses, and my red converse shoes, listening to some Hendrix, and it hit me; I might be a hipster. Now, understandably, this is disconcerting for me, because I did not set out to be a hipster. It's not that I'm against hipsters or anything, but, it's like, if you spent all your life as a cow, trying to produce milk, and, all the sudden, someone says 'actually, you're a chicken, and you should be trying to produce eggs'. But, producing eggs sounds really difficult, especially if you don't like omelets. Like, if you're not trying to be an omelet, and you turn out to be an omelet, are you really an omelet, even if you feel like a pancake? That's how I feel (although, as a side note, if I was going to be a breakfast food, I would definitely be a muffin). Like, I thought the whole point of being a hipster was th

So, right now in America, the government has been shut down due to some controversial and polarizing issues. Obviously, everyone is very upset and things are starting to get messy and frustrating. So, to lighten the mood, I'm going to address another controversial and polarizing issue (because, you know, controversy is a barrel full of monkeys): Who is the best Avenger ? Now, this is a difficult question because all of the Avengers have redeeming characteristics; I mean, they're Avengers for a reason. You have to be some kind of awesome, genetically enhanced, genius, deity before they let you in; except for Hawk Eye, who spent most of the movie following Loki around like a zombie (and that's why no one likes him anymore). So, it's really hard to say who is the best Avenger. It's an extremely personal decision. For example, one of my friends says that Captain America is her favorite Avenger because he was the first Avenger. And, like, you have to give prop

So, the other day I read this article about how scientists collect ear wax from whales to learn about their lives and what sort of chemicals they were exposed to. Which, of course is very interesting from a scientific perspective, but my first thought was whales have ears ? Like, that puts an image in your head: a whale swimming along with big dumbo ears flapping against its head. I don't know about you, but I find that vaguely terrifying. I mean, I'm assuming they have internal ears, but it's still a really weird thought. And even if I accept that whales have ears, it still doesn't explain why they have ear wax. Like, I don't even understand why people have to have ear wax. So, I really don't understand why whales have to have ear wax. The only use I can think of for wax is as a candle and whales can't use candles because they live underwater . And it's not like it's a little bit of ear wax either; this article said that they extracted almost

So, since it seems that I'm on a the-English-language-is-weird kick this week, I'm going to talk about something that really bothers me: the discrepancies between English and American spelling. As you probably already know from my Spelling Shenanigans blog, I sort of suck at spelling. My feeling is that, because it's been scientifically proven that as long as a word begins and ends with the correct letter and has the right letters in between, a native speaker can read it without a problem. So why do we care so much about spelling. I mean, when I'm typing, I obviously use spell check, but if I'm writing something by hand, I just sort of make some circles and loops in the middle of the word and hope that they can pass for an L or an I or whatever is supposed to be there and hope for the best. And, it's not just me; English spellings were standardized until fairly recently, in the history of the language that is. Like, even Shakespeare's spelling was pretty

So, this semester, I'm taking a grammar class. Which, for me, as an English major, is actually quite interesting. Now before you start having punctuation nightmares, let me reassure you that I'm not going to start lecturing on the proper use of the semi-colon. For me, as an English major, this is actually quite an interesting class. For example, the other day we were talking about grading adjectives. In a nut shell, If you don't know, grading adjectives is when you assign some sort of value or degree to which a characteristic applies to an adjective. For example, you have the adjective 'big', but you also have 'biggest' and 'bigger'. When you change 'big'  to 'bigger', you are grading the adjective. Anyway, our professor was talking about the fact that not all adjectives could be graded, and the example he used was 'dead'. His point was that, once someone is dead, they're dead; they can't die again, they can't be

So, I'm like a month into my fall semester and it's going pretty well so far. Of course, I have a lot of homework but, fortunately, I get to do a lot of different sorts of things, sometimes I read, occasionally I read, and, when I don't have anything else to do, I read. So, clearly, I've been experiencing some of that famous college diversity. Occasionally, I read novels, sometimes I read novels, and the rest of the time I get to read about parts of speech and bilateral symmetry in ancient Meso-American cities. So that's always fun. All. I. Do. Is. Read. I know that you're thinking that since I'm an English major, I should like reading. I do like reading, of course, but, since the first day of classes, my life has been: wake up, go to class, go to work, come home, read , eat, read some more, go to bed, and repeat. Besides that, when ever I have free time, I read for pleasure because I have this problem where I go to the library and check out all the book

So, I'm taking a pre-Colombian art history class right now, and I'm really learning a lot. Like, we just finished learning about the Olmec culture and one of the recurring themes in their art is the were-jaguar. That's right, half person, half jaguar. We looked at a lot of examples of the were-jaguar in art; some art historians believe that this is because the Olmec traced their mythic origin to a were-jaguar child, which sort of reminds me of the story of Romulus and Remus and the founding of Rome.  Of course, the other possibility is that it isn't a were-jaguar at all and it's actually something completely different. No one actually knows, but I'm just going to ignore it and go with the whole were-jaguar thing. So my question to the world is, why aren't were-jaguars a thing? Like, I don't know about you, but I think that a were-jaguar would be a lot scarier than a were-wolf. Like if you could face off with either a wolf or a jaguar, I think everyone

Season 1 So, because all of my favorite tv-shows have ended for the year and there's still a few weeks before the new season of Downton Abbey airs, I decided to re-watch season one of True Blood . I forgot how much I liked season one; it's a very neat, self contained story. Anyway, it's made me realize that I hold rather a controversial opinion: I like Eric's hair in the first season. Because, apparently , I'm writing a series of blogs on fandom hairstyles. Like, not to say that I don't like his short hair style, but I never saw why no one liked his long hair style. I mean, he's a viking , he's supposed to have long hair. I mean, when was the last time you saw a viking with a buzz cut? And, I thought it really suited him. In the first season, Eric is such a mysterious character; you know next to nothing about him and he only really turns up when something serious and vampire-ish is going to happen. Whenever you see him, he's just like chillin