Who is the Best Avenger?

So, right now in America, the government has been shut down due to some controversial and polarizing issues. Obviously, everyone is very upset and things are starting to get messy and frustrating. So, to lighten the mood, I'm going to address another controversial and polarizing issue (because, you know, controversy is a barrel full of monkeys):

Who is the best Avenger?

Now, this is a difficult question because all of the Avengers have redeeming characteristics; I mean, they're Avengers for a reason. You have to be some kind of awesome, genetically enhanced, genius, deity before they let you in; except for Hawk Eye, who spent most of the movie following Loki around like a zombie (and that's why no one likes him anymore). So, it's really hard to say who is the best Avenger. It's an extremely personal decision.

For example, one of my friends says that Captain America is her favorite Avenger because he was the first Avenger. And, like, you have to give props to Captain America for being almost 100 years old because he was frozen in the ocean for like 70 years. So, yeah, until you're frozen in the ocean, like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic, you can't talk, because Captain America stopped the Nazis and hid the tesseract and that was really boss.

I mean, personally, Iron Man is my favorite Avenger because Iron Man and I have a lot in common. We're both sarcastic, we both like AC/DC, and neither one of us like being handed things. Also, you know, he's Iron Man. What's not to like there? He's totally genius, he's got a really cool beard, and he has a beautiful house. Besides, as previously noted, Iron Man 3 was a great movie. I don't even know how to describe it; he's just Iron Man and everyone knows that Iron Man = awesome.

Thor, however, is another Avenger who equals awesome. Like, Thor is basically a god. He's got a magic hammer and he can travel through time and space. How many people do you know who can do that? Not many. Besides, have you seen his abs? 'Nuf said.

Although, overall, I have to say that the Hulk is probably the best Avenger. Because, like, the Hulk is super tough. Hulk smash! My favorite scene in the Avengers is when Hulk picks up Loki and starts banging him on the floor until he like passes out. It's hilarious. Don't make the Hulk angry; you won't like him when he's angry. On a more serious note though, the Hulk has serious stuff going on in his life. He has to know how to control his temper and deal with his past. Besides, he helps people and is really super smart. Also, the Hulk has a doctorate, and you have to respect that. I mean, I know that Bruce Banner wasn't the Hulk when he was in college, but, I just have this image in my head of the Hulk, sitting in one of those tiny, lecture hall desks, trying to fill in those tiny bubbles on the standardized test forms with a tiny little pencil. But then, he accidentally crushes the pencil with his giant, green hands, so he gets really angry and destroys the lecture hall.

Yeah, I think the Hulk probably had a hard time in college. But hey, what are you gunna do? Clearly, you need an advanced degree to either wear purple pants or save the world. Or both.

Just sayin'

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