Why Aren't Were-Jaguars a Thing?
So, I'm taking a pre-Colombian art history class right now, and I'm really learning a lot. Like, we just finished learning about the Olmec culture and one of the recurring themes in their art is the were-jaguar. That's right, half person, half jaguar. We looked at a lot of examples of the were-jaguar in art; some art historians believe that this is because the Olmec traced their mythic origin to a were-jaguar child, which sort of reminds me of the story of Romulus and Remus and the founding of Rome. Of course, the other possibility is that it isn't a were-jaguar at all and it's actually something completely different. No one actually knows, but I'm just going to ignore it and go with the whole were-jaguar thing.
So my question to the world is, why aren't were-jaguars a thing? Like, I don't know about you, but I think that a were-jaguar would be a lot scarier than a were-wolf. Like if you could face off with either a wolf or a jaguar, I think everyone would agree that a jaguar would be much more terrifying. Although, either way, unless you were the hulk, you would probably die. But, at least, if you were being attacked by a wolf you could climb a tree to get away. I don't think wolves can climb trees, right? If they can, I might have to re-think my whole life.
I mean, wolves are big and scary, but jaguars are big and scary and fast and, they can climb trees. Although, I like Lupin as much as the next person, I would like him a whole lot better if he was a jaguar. I mean, jaguars have spots. You know why they have spots? Neither do I, but I think it makes them look pretty tough and terrifying. Wolves don't have spots. I think that that means that the jaguars can totally take them.
Also, wolves have that whole cute little puppy dog thing going on. They're supper cute and not scary. You know, right until they rip out your throat. That'll probably leave a mark. But seriously, I don't get why there's so much werewolf fiction and there isn't any were-jaguar fiction. I think someone should release a Teenage Were-Jaguar TV show or Teenage Mutant Ninja Jaguars. That'd be something.
Just sayin'
So my question to the world is, why aren't were-jaguars a thing? Like, I don't know about you, but I think that a were-jaguar would be a lot scarier than a were-wolf. Like if you could face off with either a wolf or a jaguar, I think everyone would agree that a jaguar would be much more terrifying. Although, either way, unless you were the hulk, you would probably die. But, at least, if you were being attacked by a wolf you could climb a tree to get away. I don't think wolves can climb trees, right? If they can, I might have to re-think my whole life.
I mean, wolves are big and scary, but jaguars are big and scary and fast and, they can climb trees. Although, I like Lupin as much as the next person, I would like him a whole lot better if he was a jaguar. I mean, jaguars have spots. You know why they have spots? Neither do I, but I think it makes them look pretty tough and terrifying. Wolves don't have spots. I think that that means that the jaguars can totally take them.
Also, wolves have that whole cute little puppy dog thing going on. They're supper cute and not scary. You know, right until they rip out your throat. That'll probably leave a mark. But seriously, I don't get why there's so much werewolf fiction and there isn't any were-jaguar fiction. I think someone should release a Teenage Were-Jaguar TV show or Teenage Mutant Ninja Jaguars. That'd be something.
Just sayin'
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