Weather Tantrums

So, in case you don't know, I live in Pennsylvania, and, in PA, we have the craziest, most bipolar, most non compos mentis, mad-as-a-March-hare weather you could ever hope to see. It's now May and we just started having warm weather like yesterday. It's not persistently warm weather either. You know the saying: 'April showers bring May flowers'? In the great state of Pennsylvania that saying is: 'March snow storms bring April downpours which bring May downpours'. Like, this morning I went outside and it was like 80 degrees, now it's getting ready to thunder storm.

I mean, what is this???

It's not even like we live in one of those places that get 30 minute rain storms. If you're a Pennsylvania rain storm, you better be an all day rain storm or you should go home because you're raining on the wrong geographical zone. I have no problem with all day rain storms. I don't like them, but if I know that it's going to rain all day, I can plan accordingly. However, if the day starts out sunny and then, out of the blue, turns into a thunder storm, I feel justified in raising some objections. If you're a day, and you start out rainy, you better stay rainy.

But nooooooo, not in PA. I have some unofficial statistics for you that I just made up. In PA: 1 in 4 days are sunny, 1 in 4 days are rainy, and the rest of the days can't get their act together enough to decide.

I have developed a theory to explain these irregular weather pattern:

The sky likes to have temper tantrums.

In a normal weather system, The Weather goes up to the Sky and says, "hello Sky, you're looking mighty blue today! It's May now, so I'm going to need you to keep that up. Try to rain no more than once a week. Okay?"

Now, normally, the Sky would respond, "Sure! That sounds like a barrel full of unicorns! I'm just going to try my hardest to be clear and sunny and warm because I'm a hard worker and I'm dedicated to my job!"

But in PA, when The Weather gives the Sky instructions, the Sky is just like, "Eh, I don't feel like it. I think I'm going to go down to Dunkin' Donuts and get myself a pumpkin muffin."

Then, the Sky walks down to Dunkin', finds out that they're out of pumpkin muffins, and, all of the sudden, the Sky drops 20 gallons of water on your head.

That's the way the weather works in Pennsylvania.

Any number of things could set the Sky off at any time, including, but not limited to:

1. When a button falls off the Sky's shirt
2. When the Sky waits too long to buy tickets to the Justin Timberlake concert and finds out that it's all sold out
3. When Vera Bradley discontinues one of Sky's favorite patterns
4. Whenever the Sky remembers that there is never, ever going to be an *NSYNC reunion
5. When the Sky can't find any Full House reruns on Cable 
6. When the Sky hears a particularly sad No Doubt song on the radio
7. When the Sky forgets to wear deodorant
8. Whenever the Sky thinks about the 4th season of Heroes
9. When the Sky finds out that it's ex, the Moon, is dating some floozy star in Andromeda 
10. When the Sky has to renew it's driver's license
11. When the Sky runs out of guacamole 
12. Whenever Justin Bieber does something outrageous 

Any one of the these occurrences is call for Sky to drown the entire state of Pennsylvania. I think that's fair, don't you?

Aside from all these sunny then rainy or rainy then sunny or just plain rainy days, there's a whole slew of days when the Sky wants to rain, but just can't find the energy. We all have those days when we want to be really productive, but instead we just end up in our pajamas, watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Amazon Instant and listening to 80s Flashback 90s Comeback Radio on Pandora (yes, that's a thing).

The Sky has one of those days about four times a week.

On those days, it's just sort of overcast and humid, and you think it's going to start raining at any second, so you walk around in your rain coat all day with your umbrella out, but it NEVER rains, even though your weather app tells you there's a 50% chance that it's actually raining right now.

That's when you know that the Sky just started a new series on Netflix.

Just sayin'