Today I Found Out that You Can't Trust Geese
Today, someone showed me a picture of a goose tongue, and my life will never be the same again.
Did you know that geese have teeth on their tongues? I'm going to repeat that in case you missed it: TEETH ON THEIR TONGUES. Yes, that's right, their tongues are SERRATED!
It is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen.
I am shocked.
I am dismayed.
I am horrified.
If you want to see a picture of a goose tongue, google it because I'm not going to post one here.
Seriously, it's like something out of a science fiction horror movie.
Now, if you've met a goose, you're probably thinking to yourself, "this person is really dumb, of course geese have serrated tongues; everyone knows that." I, however, have never met a goose, so I did not know that.
Like, I always assumed that geese were cool. I mean, they put geese in petting zoos, how much more wholesome can they be? I assumed that geese were just birds out in the world, being chill and minding their own business. Little did I know that geese were just walking around, ready to bite off any fingers or toes that might come their way (well, I don't know if they have enough biting force to do that, but I don't want to find out).
I guess I'm just feeling betrayed by the geese. Like, how can they around the world acting so casual when they have piranha tongues? I feel like they've tricked me into thinking they're innocent fowl, when they're actually terrifying. Apparently, geese are super aggressive too; they'll chase you down and bite you and hiss at you. Like, why did no body tell me that? Why did my elementry school teachers spend weeks of my life teaching me cursive and never mention that geese are dangerous with a capital D. All my life, I didn't realize that I'm supposed to be afraid of geese. Now, after 23 years, I have to start being afraid of geese! How is this fair?
I feel like I've been raised to fear the wrong things. All my life, I've been afraid of sharks and snakes and chickens (that last one is a legit fear though, chickens will chase you down and peck you). I should have been afraid of geese instead. Why are people worrying about shark attacks? We should be afraid of goose attacks (and moose attacks, but that's another story). When you go camping, park rangers should come around to your tent to tell you to be on the lookout for geese, not bears. Geese are the actual velociraptors from Jurassic Park; it's all fun and games until they learn to open doors and chew your face off with their tongue teeth (or something like that).
So, the moral of the story is, if you see a goose, run like your life is in danger because it probably is.
Just sayin'
Did you know that geese have teeth on their tongues? I'm going to repeat that in case you missed it: TEETH ON THEIR TONGUES. Yes, that's right, their tongues are SERRATED!
It is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen.
I am shocked.
I am dismayed.
I am horrified.
If you want to see a picture of a goose tongue, google it because I'm not going to post one here.
Seriously, it's like something out of a science fiction horror movie.
Now, if you've met a goose, you're probably thinking to yourself, "this person is really dumb, of course geese have serrated tongues; everyone knows that." I, however, have never met a goose, so I did not know that.
Like, I always assumed that geese were cool. I mean, they put geese in petting zoos, how much more wholesome can they be? I assumed that geese were just birds out in the world, being chill and minding their own business. Little did I know that geese were just walking around, ready to bite off any fingers or toes that might come their way (well, I don't know if they have enough biting force to do that, but I don't want to find out).
I guess I'm just feeling betrayed by the geese. Like, how can they around the world acting so casual when they have piranha tongues? I feel like they've tricked me into thinking they're innocent fowl, when they're actually terrifying. Apparently, geese are super aggressive too; they'll chase you down and bite you and hiss at you. Like, why did no body tell me that? Why did my elementry school teachers spend weeks of my life teaching me cursive and never mention that geese are dangerous with a capital D. All my life, I didn't realize that I'm supposed to be afraid of geese. Now, after 23 years, I have to start being afraid of geese! How is this fair?
I feel like I've been raised to fear the wrong things. All my life, I've been afraid of sharks and snakes and chickens (that last one is a legit fear though, chickens will chase you down and peck you). I should have been afraid of geese instead. Why are people worrying about shark attacks? We should be afraid of goose attacks (and moose attacks, but that's another story). When you go camping, park rangers should come around to your tent to tell you to be on the lookout for geese, not bears. Geese are the actual velociraptors from Jurassic Park; it's all fun and games until they learn to open doors and chew your face off with their tongue teeth (or something like that).
So, the moral of the story is, if you see a goose, run like your life is in danger because it probably is.
Just sayin'
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