M&Ms for the One Percent

Fly business woman M&M

 So, last night a couple of my friends and I were having a sleepover; it was a typical girl's night: cookie dough, boy talk, watching The Tudors so we could sigh over Jonathan Rhys Meyers (but actually), and M&Ms. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against M&Ms; it's just that they're not the classiest of candies. I mean, if you want to get fancy, you hit up the Ghirardelli store, not the Mars company. But there are exceptions to every rule; and in this case, that exception is Coconut M&Ms.

Classy Green M&M

I always feel sophisticated when I eat coconut M&Ms. I mean, when that candy shell starts to melt in your mouth, you might as well be sitting in your house at the Hamptons wearing white shoes. They're bigger than normal M&Ms, rounder, and they only come in three colors - green, white, and brown. That alone says a lot. I mean, white M&Ms are like flying pigs, they don't occur in nature. I mean, the only way you're getting a white M&M is if you take a normal M&M and dip it in white out or something (just to be clear, I don't suggest eating it after that) or if you by them for $40 on M&Ms.com, unless you're eating coconut M&Ms, in which case white M&Ms are just common place and ordinary. Plus, we all know that the brown and green M&Ms are super classy. You've seen the commercials, the brown M&M is a savy business woman and the red M&M is stripping to "I'm Sexy and I know It". Not to mention that the green M&M is practically Miss. America! I ask you, what does that say about ordinary, non-coconut, M&Ms?

The Non-Classy M&Ms

Let's just face it, coconut M&Ms are the classiest of the M&Ms. If there was a social hierarchy of M&Ms they would be the New York socialites drink champagne and calling people "darling". Simply darling! In the M&M world, dark chocolate M&Ms are the rockstars and peanut butter M&Ms are the butchers, the bakers, and the candle stick makers, but coconut M&Ms are the presidents, the senators, and the people who make really good muffins. I mean, considering that the original M&Ms were the first M&Ms, they're surprisingly inferior. The original M&Ms and the peanut M&Ms are the plebs of the M&M universe and don't even get me started on the pretzel M&Ms, they are the bitter old men of M&M land whose hearts are five sizes too small and full of salty, crunchy pastry that no one wants to eat unless they're trying to lose weight but they still want to eat M&Ms because the whole point of pretzel M&Ms is that they're low calorie and no one would like them otherwise.

Just sayin'.