Friendly Drunks

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As those of you who go to Penn State know, last weekend was State Patty's day. For those of you who do not go to Penn State, State Patty's day is PSU's version of Saint Patty's day which is basically like any other Saturday in a college town (use your imagination) except for everyone wears green. Anyway,  on Saturday night, two of my friends and I were going to a concert so we took the bus across campus. Most of my friends and I do not participate in State Patty's but, it's always great fun to sit quietly on the blue loop and observe the intoxicated. Not that anyone was black out drunk or anything, at least not when we saw them; most people were just buzzed enough to be talkative and quite funny.

Without further ado, I present to you a series of vignettes or a very short play, depending on how you want to look at it, entitled Friendly Drunks (based on a true story).

***

Scene 1
On a CATA bus. Enter drunk girl, being supported by two friends.

Drunk girl (to sober stanger sitting across from her): how's your State Patty's day?

He does not respond.

Drunk girl proceeds to laugh hysterically for the next three blocks.

Scene 2
My friend (who is wearing pink cheetah print leggings) and I are sitting on the bus. Enter three guys, more than slightly buzzed.

Drunk guy 1 (to my friend): I like your pants.

Friend: Thanks.

Drunk guy 1 (to me): I like your pants too; I don't want you to feel excluded or anything.

Me: Thanks.

Drunk guy 1 (to my friend): is it leopard?

Friend: Actually, it's cheetah.

Drunk guy 2: Cheetahs a leopards are the same thing!

Drunk guy 1: no, no, dude, they're totally different species!

Drunk guy 3: but actually man, they're all tigers.

Drunk guy 1: Naw! Tigers have strips, man!

Drunk guy 2: Huh?

Scene 3
The bus stops for about three minutes at a stop.

Chorus of drunks in green t-shirts and socks with pictures of marijuana on them: MOVE THE BUS! MOVE THE BUS! MOVE THE BUS!

Scene 4
On the same bus, about 10 minutes later.

Slightly buzzed guy: this bus is going down like the Titanic!

Drunk guy 2: At least there are girls; (to the general population of the bus) I'll be your Leo de Cap if you'll be my ... whatsherface?...Has she even been in any movies since then?

Drunk guy 1: She was in Erin Brockovich

Drunk guy 3: What? What's that about?

Drunk guy 1: Ummm....Erin Brockovich

Drunk guy 2: Huh?

Scene 5
Coming back from the concert, about three hours later.

Stoned guy 1: Dude, I'm so hungry.

Stoned guy 2 (singing): I'm on a bus...and I'm hungry!

Stoned guys 2 & 3 (singing): Give us food!

My friend and I get off the bus at the library stop.

***

Thank you Penn State for making the blue loop free. It's better than cable.

Just sayin'


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