I Trust the Moon

So, this semester I decided to take a sociology class. Let me preface this by saying that this is the most ridiculous class I've ever been in, mostly because instead of learning about sociology, our professor just talks about why Jay-Z's lyrics confuse him and gives impromptu lectures on physics.

Continuing in that vein, the other day our teacher was trying to make a point about how difficult it is to gather empirical evidence and the way he chose to illustrate this was by asking us a multiple choice question about the moon. Basically he showed us two pictures of the phases of the moon, one with the phases progressing from left to right, then right to left and vice-versa and asked us which one was right. I thought about that for a minute, then answered option C, which was "it doesn't matter". Out of all the ways to illustrate how much people don't pay attention to the world around them, he had to ask about the moon. Facepalm.

Now, there's obviously a correct way to answer that question because the moon obviously has a set pattern in the way it moves across the sky, but to me it doesn't matter at all and I will tell you why. It doesn't matter which way the moon moves across the sky because it's never going to change. Like, the moon's not going to decide, "well, I think I've been in a bit of a rut...maybe I'll go backwards today". The moon has been traveling across the sky in the same way for millions of years before I was born and it will continue to do the same thing for millions of years after I die. The moon knows what the moon is supposed to do. The moon is not a toddler who needs to be potty-trained.

So I know this is going to be a controversial statement, but let me just come out and say: I trust the moon.

Contrary to what sociology would have you believe, the moon does not require supervision. Like, the moon is not a wild teenager that sneaks off to the Milky Way with Jupiter to smoke weed. (By the way, Jupiter is the least trustworthy of all planets in our solar system. Don't ask me why, it just seems petulant). No. The moon is the sort of chunk of space rock that stays home on Saturday nights and knits with Saturn. Saturn, I'll have you know is an extremely down to earth planet (no pun intended). Saturn has been in a Facebook Official relationship with Mercury since 5,000,000 BCE (he liked it, so he put a ring on it). You know that your moon is a trustworthy planetary body when it hangs out with Saturn.

And even if the moon ever did hit its rebellious teenager phase, I think it would be too scared by what happened to Pluto to act out. A lot of people don't know this, but Pluto was kicked out of the Solar System for underage drinking (he had a bottle of Tequila hidden in one of his craters). The moon isn't stupid; the moon knows that mind altering substances are trouble; the moon learns by example. Therefore, you can sleep soundly tonight knowing that the moon is not going to suddenly decide to go for a swim in the Atlantic Ocean and flood Greenland.

There's no room for shenanigans like that in this solar system. (I'm looking at you Jupiter).

Just sayin'