The Dark Truth About *NSYNC :O
I think it's an undisputed fact that I Want You Back by *NSYNC is the best music video that's ever been made, bar none. I mean, it's got zip up t-shirts and arm wiggling, not to mention a sprightly Justin Timberlake and 90s animation; I mean, they don't make music videos like this anymore. How could they? I don't even know who you would go to to coreograph all that fist pumping.
But, this piece of cinematographic mastery has a dark side.
After a long, intense conversation with my roommate about the history and cultural significance of *NSYNC (what, I'm on break), I came to the realization that boy bands are actually really, really weird. I Want You Back was released in 1996. In 1996, Justin Timberlake, who was the youngest member of *NSYNC, was 15. Chris Kirkpatrick, who was the oldest member of *NSYNC, was 25.
Let me just repeat that. Twenty-five.
Now, I'm only 20, and the idea of being in a band with a 15 year old is ridiculous to me. Not just because I would never be in a band in the first place because I have no musical ability, but because it's a little lame to hang out with someone who is a sophomore in high school when you're old enough to be a junior in college. That's a huge gap.
Now, imagine that you're 25. Twenty. Five. You've been alive for two and a half decades. Why would you sign up to be in a band in which the next oldest person is five years younger than you? I guess it's about the money, but it must be so irritating to have spend all your time with someone who isn't old enough to go to prom. Now, in all fairness, JT didn't look like he was 15 when he was 15 and I'm sure he was very mature for his age, but that can't make up for a decade of missing life experiences. What's more, Chris Kirkpatrick isn't even the star of the band. He doesn't even really sing. He just does occasional backing vocals and background dancing. People may try to tell you that JC Chasez was the star of *NSYNC, but that is complete crap, Justin Timberlake was the star of *NSYNC -- obviously.
So, to recap, you're 25 and you're playing second fiddle to someone who hasn't even gone through puberty yet. If that was me, I would take a minute to reevaluate where my life is going.
Here's another bit of disturbing math: *NSYNC broke up in 2002. In 2002, Chris Kirkpatrick was 31. Just imagine all those fifteen year old girls fawning over him. Sooooo gross. Not to mention that you're in your 30s and you're still in a boy band. I'm a permissible person, but when you're 31, you're no longer a boy. Even if you behave like one. In contrast, in 2002 Justin Timberlake was 21. At 21 he was like "you know, I think I'm getting to old for this." He was younger than Chris was when they started *NSYNC!!!!! Now, in 2014, Justin Timberlake is just two years older than Chris was when *NSYNC broke up. How weird is that!
I mean, JT spent his twenties bringing sexy back. Chris Kirkpatrick spent his twenties pretending to be a marionette. Christ didn't even initiate *NSYNC's break up, so, theoretically, he would have been okay to continue as a member of *NSYNC. He would have been okay with making music videos in which he morphs into an action figure.
Like, this is how *NSYNC's break up went: Lance, Justin, and JC were sitting around together one day and they were like "why are Chris and Joey in our band, we don't even need them -- let's make our own band." Then, a few days later Justin and JC were like "hey, we could have our own band -- we could call it Double J, since both our names start with J." Then, the next day, Justin Timberlake was all like "Ummmm, I don't need Double J -- I'm Justin Timberlake; *NSYNC can cry me a river." Meanwhile, Chris Kirkpatrick is like "what??? I thought we had a good thing going." How sad is that? Writing this blog post has basically ruined my childhood. I mean, I'm sure Chris is a multi-millionaire, but so is JT and he has his dignity.
With that in mind, I would just like to leave you with this GIF. This. This is what all of *NSYNC's weirdness produced: The most beautiful thing on the internet.
Happy 2015 and let me be the first to say that this blog is the least timely and relevent thing ever. Enjoy your 90s flashback.
Just sayin'
But, this piece of cinematographic mastery has a dark side.
After a long, intense conversation with my roommate about the history and cultural significance of *NSYNC (what, I'm on break), I came to the realization that boy bands are actually really, really weird. I Want You Back was released in 1996. In 1996, Justin Timberlake, who was the youngest member of *NSYNC, was 15. Chris Kirkpatrick, who was the oldest member of *NSYNC, was 25.
Let me just repeat that. Twenty-five.
Now, I'm only 20, and the idea of being in a band with a 15 year old is ridiculous to me. Not just because I would never be in a band in the first place because I have no musical ability, but because it's a little lame to hang out with someone who is a sophomore in high school when you're old enough to be a junior in college. That's a huge gap.
Now, imagine that you're 25. Twenty. Five. You've been alive for two and a half decades. Why would you sign up to be in a band in which the next oldest person is five years younger than you? I guess it's about the money, but it must be so irritating to have spend all your time with someone who isn't old enough to go to prom. Now, in all fairness, JT didn't look like he was 15 when he was 15 and I'm sure he was very mature for his age, but that can't make up for a decade of missing life experiences. What's more, Chris Kirkpatrick isn't even the star of the band. He doesn't even really sing. He just does occasional backing vocals and background dancing. People may try to tell you that JC Chasez was the star of *NSYNC, but that is complete crap, Justin Timberlake was the star of *NSYNC -- obviously.
So, to recap, you're 25 and you're playing second fiddle to someone who hasn't even gone through puberty yet. If that was me, I would take a minute to reevaluate where my life is going.
Here's another bit of disturbing math: *NSYNC broke up in 2002. In 2002, Chris Kirkpatrick was 31. Just imagine all those fifteen year old girls fawning over him. Sooooo gross. Not to mention that you're in your 30s and you're still in a boy band. I'm a permissible person, but when you're 31, you're no longer a boy. Even if you behave like one. In contrast, in 2002 Justin Timberlake was 21. At 21 he was like "you know, I think I'm getting to old for this." He was younger than Chris was when they started *NSYNC!!!!! Now, in 2014, Justin Timberlake is just two years older than Chris was when *NSYNC broke up. How weird is that!
I mean, JT spent his twenties bringing sexy back. Chris Kirkpatrick spent his twenties pretending to be a marionette. Christ didn't even initiate *NSYNC's break up, so, theoretically, he would have been okay to continue as a member of *NSYNC. He would have been okay with making music videos in which he morphs into an action figure.
Like, this is how *NSYNC's break up went: Lance, Justin, and JC were sitting around together one day and they were like "why are Chris and Joey in our band, we don't even need them -- let's make our own band." Then, a few days later Justin and JC were like "hey, we could have our own band -- we could call it Double J, since both our names start with J." Then, the next day, Justin Timberlake was all like "Ummmm, I don't need Double J -- I'm Justin Timberlake; *NSYNC can cry me a river." Meanwhile, Chris Kirkpatrick is like "what??? I thought we had a good thing going." How sad is that? Writing this blog post has basically ruined my childhood. I mean, I'm sure Chris is a multi-millionaire, but so is JT and he has his dignity.
With that in mind, I would just like to leave you with this GIF. This. This is what all of *NSYNC's weirdness produced: The most beautiful thing on the internet.
Happy 2015 and let me be the first to say that this blog is the least timely and relevent thing ever. Enjoy your 90s flashback.
Just sayin'
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