Five Tips for Looking Cute
So, no one ever said it was easy to be a girl. One of my best friends (who is a girl) has recently become interested in looking cute. What does cute mean exactly? I'm not really sure, but I think cute means you paint your nails at least three times a week, wear shoes that murder your feet, have perfume that matches your mood/outfit, and wear things that say 'I like to have fun but I'm also a person you could watch Game of Thrones with). I know; that's a lot for clothes to say considering they DON'T HAVE MOUTHES. Anyway, I'm all for looking cute, so I've put together a helpful list of tips that will make you the cutest person ever who ever tried to be cute at any time in history.
1. Wear a cantaloupe on our head: Most people don't realize this, but a wearing a watermelon on your head isn't cute. Try a cantaloupe instead. Wearing a cantaloupe is a subtle way to let people know that you go to the grocery store. Plus, it's a lot more casual than a kiwi.
2. Make sure you skip on every third step: Nothing says *swagger* like skipping instead of walking on every third step. Skipping is very spring-like and girly -- therefore, cute. When you skip, especially if you're wearing heels, you tell the world "I'm foot-loose and fancy free! Seriously bro, do you even skip?"
3. Paint Your Hands, Don't Just Paint Your Nails: Some people make the mistake of wearing colorful gloves instead of painting their hands; but, trust me, nail polish isn't just for your nails -- it's for your hands too. Heck, go ahead and paint your ankles while you're at it.
4. Carry a Barrel Instead of a Purse: Nothing looks more stylish than walking around with a brand-new, designer barrel tucked under your arm. Plus you can fit a lot more crap in a barrel than a purse. Be sure to fill your barrel with essentials, like bubble gum and snow balls.
5. Decorate Your Ears with Stickers: You probably thought that putting stickers on your face went out of style in the 90s. You would be correct, but putting stickers inside your ears is so fetch right now. Try to get the stickers as deep into your ears as you can. Don't worry about infections -- that's what they invented penicillin for.
Trust me, when you're skipping down the street with a cantaloupe on your head and a barrel in your arms, all eyes will be on you.
Just sayin'
1. Wear a cantaloupe on our head: Most people don't realize this, but a wearing a watermelon on your head isn't cute. Try a cantaloupe instead. Wearing a cantaloupe is a subtle way to let people know that you go to the grocery store. Plus, it's a lot more casual than a kiwi.
2. Make sure you skip on every third step: Nothing says *swagger* like skipping instead of walking on every third step. Skipping is very spring-like and girly -- therefore, cute. When you skip, especially if you're wearing heels, you tell the world "I'm foot-loose and fancy free! Seriously bro, do you even skip?"
3. Paint Your Hands, Don't Just Paint Your Nails: Some people make the mistake of wearing colorful gloves instead of painting their hands; but, trust me, nail polish isn't just for your nails -- it's for your hands too. Heck, go ahead and paint your ankles while you're at it.
4. Carry a Barrel Instead of a Purse: Nothing looks more stylish than walking around with a brand-new, designer barrel tucked under your arm. Plus you can fit a lot more crap in a barrel than a purse. Be sure to fill your barrel with essentials, like bubble gum and snow balls.
5. Decorate Your Ears with Stickers: You probably thought that putting stickers on your face went out of style in the 90s. You would be correct, but putting stickers inside your ears is so fetch right now. Try to get the stickers as deep into your ears as you can. Don't worry about infections -- that's what they invented penicillin for.
Trust me, when you're skipping down the street with a cantaloupe on your head and a barrel in your arms, all eyes will be on you.
Just sayin'
I'm sure something akin to a barrel purse already exists somewhere out there, that's the sad thing.
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