I'm Too Old for Social Media

You know you're getting old when you get online one day and you're like "what? what is this Vine the kids are using these days? what does it even mean? What is a Reddit? When did Facebook stop being the dominant form of social media?" Like, seriously, there used to be like two ways to interact with people online and now there are like fifty million. It's too much! How many platforms do you need to spew your selfies across the internet. Everytime I post something on Facebook these days, I'm like "yep, officially a dinosaur."

I've accepted the fact that I can no longer keep up with the young people and their various Yik Yaks and Tumblrs, but that doesn't you shouldn't keep up! For all of these people out there who are like me, I've put together a list of everything you need to know about the different forms of social media. Consider this your guide to the internet.

MySpace: If Justin Timberlake didn't own a significant chunk of this company, I wouldn't know it was still in existence.

Google+: Stop trying to make Google+ happen. It's not going to happen. 

Twitter: Twitter is arguably the most important way ordinary people voice their opinions and views about our world. I think it says a lot about the state of modern communication that presidential candidates are now announcing their campaigns on Twitter. I, however, signed up for Twitter so that I could follow Tom Hiddleston and James Franco. That's my life. Those are my choices.

Facebook: I think a quote from my roommate pretty much sums it up: "do you exist if you don't have a Facebook?"

Yik-Yak: What is a Yik-Yak? It sounds like something you might find in a bathroom in Taco Bell.

Reddit: This was pretty much invented for 14-year-old boys, right?

YouTube: If you use YouTube, you like watching videos of cats. And sloths. And hedgehogs. You also like listening to music for free because, seriously, who buys music anymore?

LinkedIn: Fabcebook for people with careers.

Pinterest: Quick! See how many pictures of Tom Hiddleston and creative pancakes you can pin before you write that huge paper that's due tomorrow. The true name of this site is Procrastination-est.

Tumblr: The moral outrage machiene of the internet. If you are outraged about pancakes, shoes, words, people, places, or things, you better be tumbling about it. It's also the home of Justin Timberlake Does Things,  which is arguably the best corner of the internet. See! I told you I'd work a Justin Timberlake reference in there somewhere!

Instagram: "Look at me! Look at me! I have clothes and food!" "Look at me! I do squats!"  "Look at me! I wear boat shoes!" "Look at me! I made a pancake!" Thanks for sharing, but no thanks.

Vine: Is mini-YouTube a fair description?

Snapchat: A cool app that cool people, like me, use to share their awesome, cool lives. Also, a way to bombard your friends with pictures of your panakes, face, and Starbucks beverages without them getting *too* annoyed.

Just sayin'