I'm Addicted to Snapchat
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, I didn't have a Snapchat, and I was okay with that. I was like "Snapchat! What's wrong with these young people and their bamboozling picture taking devices! You kids get off my lawn!" Oh, how young I was (note, this was about 10 months ago).
I don't actually remember why I got a Snapchat, but I suspect my friends KLMM and MKPJ had something to do with it. They were probably like, "if you get a Snapchat, your life will be full of unicorns and chocolate and everyone will want to share a Coke with you!" And, like a fool whose name was never on any of those Coke bottles, I believed them. If you've read my first blog, you know that the same logic is responsible for the existence of this blog.
Anyway, now I have a Snapchat and everything is AWFUL.
I'm addicted to Snapchat. I don't want to Snap. I have to! I have a Snapping dependency problem. Half the time, I don't even know what I'm Snapping. I'll take a picture of something random like a leaf or a duck or a dancing hamburger and type something like "jgfeprigeihgp." Why do I do that? I'll tell you why, because it raises my score.
You know how some people are obsessed with weighing themselves all the time and they're like "I gained a pound, better starve myself and do some sit ups." I do the same thing with Snapchat. I check my Snapchat score constantly! Then, I compare it to other people's scores and I'm like "how does this person have a 1 trillion!" Then, I feel bad about myself and snap pictures of leaves and rocks. If you get a Snap of a rock from me, you know it's a bad day.
But, I think the thing that really ruined my life is the best friend list. Do you know how much pressure have a list that's like "these people Snap you a lot, therefore they're your friends. If they're not on this list, they're not your real friends." If you think about it that way, then you have to be on everybody's best friend list.
Do you know how hard it is to claw your way onto someone's Snapchat best friend list?????
There are two kinds of Snapchatters in this world. There are people who Snap regularly and have tons of Snapchat friends who Snap them all the time, even if they're not really friends with them in real life and there are people who have no interest in sending or receiving Snaps and only open their Snaps like once a week and if you get a Snap from them, it's a sign of the zombie apocalypse. Both of these people torture me in different ways. It's impossible to get on the person with a million Snapchat friend's list because, no matter how hard you try, there will always be a person who can come up with more inane Snaps to send than you. And, it's impossible to get on the Snapchat list of the person who never Snaps, because, in order to be someone's Snapchat best friend, you have to send and receive Snaps.
Even if you do manage to claw your way onto someone's best friend list, you can lose your spot just as easily.
It's like you have to have CONSTANT VIGILANCE! (Kudos to you if you got that reference). Whoever decided that everyone should be able to see everyone else's Snapchat friends lists just wanted people to develop psychiatric disorders. Sometimes, you'll be walking through your day, all happy and cheerful, then you'll check all your friends' friends lists and you'll be like, "oh no! I'm down two spots on MKPJ's list!" (Which is actually true, and I need to work on that). Then you have to Snap that person obsessively for the rest of the day. The worst part is, it takes Snapchat a little while to reassign best friends. Like, you could Snap someone one hundred times a day and they could Snap you back one hundred times a day, and it would still take Snapchat like three days to recognize that the two of you are best friends. That means that, once you make your way onto someone's best friend list, you have to really fight to stay there. It's an awful system full of awfulness and I hate it.
Now, excuse me while I go check my Snapchat.
Just sayin'
I don't actually remember why I got a Snapchat, but I suspect my friends KLMM and MKPJ had something to do with it. They were probably like, "if you get a Snapchat, your life will be full of unicorns and chocolate and everyone will want to share a Coke with you!" And, like a fool whose name was never on any of those Coke bottles, I believed them. If you've read my first blog, you know that the same logic is responsible for the existence of this blog.
Anyway, now I have a Snapchat and everything is AWFUL.
I'm addicted to Snapchat. I don't want to Snap. I have to! I have a Snapping dependency problem. Half the time, I don't even know what I'm Snapping. I'll take a picture of something random like a leaf or a duck or a dancing hamburger and type something like "jgfeprigeihgp." Why do I do that? I'll tell you why, because it raises my score.
You know how some people are obsessed with weighing themselves all the time and they're like "I gained a pound, better starve myself and do some sit ups." I do the same thing with Snapchat. I check my Snapchat score constantly! Then, I compare it to other people's scores and I'm like "how does this person have a 1 trillion!" Then, I feel bad about myself and snap pictures of leaves and rocks. If you get a Snap of a rock from me, you know it's a bad day.
But, I think the thing that really ruined my life is the best friend list. Do you know how much pressure have a list that's like "these people Snap you a lot, therefore they're your friends. If they're not on this list, they're not your real friends." If you think about it that way, then you have to be on everybody's best friend list.
Do you know how hard it is to claw your way onto someone's Snapchat best friend list?????
There are two kinds of Snapchatters in this world. There are people who Snap regularly and have tons of Snapchat friends who Snap them all the time, even if they're not really friends with them in real life and there are people who have no interest in sending or receiving Snaps and only open their Snaps like once a week and if you get a Snap from them, it's a sign of the zombie apocalypse. Both of these people torture me in different ways. It's impossible to get on the person with a million Snapchat friend's list because, no matter how hard you try, there will always be a person who can come up with more inane Snaps to send than you. And, it's impossible to get on the Snapchat list of the person who never Snaps, because, in order to be someone's Snapchat best friend, you have to send and receive Snaps.
Even if you do manage to claw your way onto someone's best friend list, you can lose your spot just as easily.
It's like you have to have CONSTANT VIGILANCE! (Kudos to you if you got that reference). Whoever decided that everyone should be able to see everyone else's Snapchat friends lists just wanted people to develop psychiatric disorders. Sometimes, you'll be walking through your day, all happy and cheerful, then you'll check all your friends' friends lists and you'll be like, "oh no! I'm down two spots on MKPJ's list!" (Which is actually true, and I need to work on that). Then you have to Snap that person obsessively for the rest of the day. The worst part is, it takes Snapchat a little while to reassign best friends. Like, you could Snap someone one hundred times a day and they could Snap you back one hundred times a day, and it would still take Snapchat like three days to recognize that the two of you are best friends. That means that, once you make your way onto someone's best friend list, you have to really fight to stay there. It's an awful system full of awfulness and I hate it.
Now, excuse me while I go check my Snapchat.
Just sayin'
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