I Trust Groundhogs

So, yesterday was Groundhog's Day, which, here in Pennsylvania, is a pretty big deal. Now, I like Groundhog's Day -- mostly because it's the one day a year you can get accurate weather reporting. Weather people lie to you ALL THE TIME. Like, sometimes they'll tell you there's going to be snow and it ends up being sunny. Sometimes they tell you it will rain and there's sleet. If a groundhog tells  you there will be six more weeks of winter, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be six more weeks of winter (partly because it's Pennsylvania and winter lasts basically until June). Nonetheless, groundhogs are pretty accurate when asked about the weather. Like, if I had a choice, I would have a groundhog tell me the weather every day.

This is because I trust groundhogs (or, as I call them, woodchucks -- which I know is sacrilege in Pennsylvania).

They're trustworthy animals. I mean, think about it. Groundhogs are fat little ground squirrels with short legs (although they move surprisingly quickly).  Also, I'm told by people who know, that they're pretty good to eat. So, when you consider that they're in danger for their lives whenever they come above ground, the fact that they go out of their way to tell us the weather is amazing! That's dedication! That's called being principled! Plus, they won't bite you unless you back them into a corner. I think that's very noble. Not to mention that groundhogs tend to be pretty solitary animals, which obviously means that they're independent thinkers. Also, fun fact, in German, Groundhog's Day is Grundsaudaag or Murmeltiertag -- which sounds like a very legitimate, serious holiday.

Aside from all of this, groundhogs are already in postions of trust in our state. Have you heard of Gus the Groundhog (maybe you haven't because he's only the second most famous groundhog in PA)? He's in charge of the Pennsylvania Lottery.  If you can put a groundhog in charge of distributing millions of dollars, why not put one in charge of the weather? 

I mean, if you can't trust groundhogs, who can you trust? You can't trust whales -- that's for sure. If you sit around waiting for a whale to see it's shadow, you'll be waiting for a long time. I don't even know if shadows exist underwater! One thing's for sure, whales aren't risking their lives to bring you the news you can use. 

Not to mention, Groundhog's Day also falls on National Tater Tot Day. So eat a potato and have a merry Murmeltiertag. 

Just sayin'