I am Opposed to the Month of February

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I don't like February.

No, it's not because of the cold. No, it's not because of the snow. No, it's not because of Valentine's Day -- although, come to think of it, I don't like any of those things either.

No, it's because of the nonsensical spelling of the name of the month. I have a longstanding and well documented opposition  to the illogical rules of the English language, however, February is a particularly egregious example.

F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y

What? Why is it spelled that way? Who came up with that?? I'm not exactly sure who standardized spelling in the English language, but that person was clearly unaware that 99.9% of all English speakers pronounce February FEB-U-AIR-E not FEB-RUE-AIR-E. Maybe I just come from a part of the country where people pronounce things incorrectly, but pronouncing the first R just sounds super weird to me. Apparently there's some debate about the pronunciation, but I've never met someone who pronounced the first R.

I think I didn't know how to spell February until I was like eleven because I refused to believe that any word could be spelled in such a ridiculous, nonsensical way. I probably shouldn't have been surprised though because English is the same language that spells through T-H-R-O-U-G-H. That should be pronounced TH-ruff. Like, what? So, if you're going to spell February with you Rs, why stop there? Why not spell it Phebruary. Ph makes an F sound right? Why not throw a G or a W into the word.

February already has leap day, why are we even trying with this month? February is the equivalent of a  Ferris Wheel rolling slowly towards the sea, it's unhinged and out of the norm. Did you know that February used to not even be a month? In Roman times, it was just a block of left over days at the end of the year. Later, someone was like "eh, we've got some days here, let's turn them into a month or something." Fix the spelling of February or lets all just give up on this ridiculous month.

Just sayin'

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