Help! I Think I Have Game of Thrones Disease

-
So, a little while ago, I wrote a blog about how annoyed I was with everyone who plays Pokémon Go, and I realized that that wasn't fair. Those people have the Poke Disease, but I have a sickness too. It's called Game of Thrones Disease, and I think it's incurable.

What are the symptoms of Game of Thrones disease, you may ask? Well, they include:
  • An undue interest in Kit Harington's hair
  • Referring to betraying someone as "red wedding-ing" them or being "red wedding-ed"
  • Being able to speak authoritatively on the finer points of Dothraki linguistics
  • Saying "the night is dark and full of terrors" when someone tells you to sleep well
  • Knowing the house words and sigils of every family mentioned in the Song of Ice and Fire (House Mormont's sigil is a black bear in a green wood; their words are "Here We Stand," in case you were wondering)
  • Having a strong opinion on the love life of Brienne of Tarth
If you display two or more of these symptoms, you may have Game of Thrones disease. I know that this might come as a shock to you. You may say to yourself "but, I watch other TV shows too; I'm not obsessed." You may think, "I thought Game of Thrones disease was something that only happened to people who read the books." Well, if you thought that, you'd be wrong. Game of Thrones disease can happen to anyone at any time. You might think that you just watch the episodes casually, then, all of the sudden, you're wondering if Brienne should be with Jaime or Tormund. I'm not a doctor or anything, but I can diagnose Game of Thrones disease. 

What happens if you have Game of Thrones disease, you might ask. Well, as someone who is currently suffering from that malady, I can tell you that you might experience some or all of the following side effects:
  • The inability to think or talk about anything that isn't related to Game of Thrones
  • Constantly boring everyone around you by talking about Game of Thrones
  • Owning an absurd amount of Game of Thrones t-shirts
  • Writing obnoxious blog posts about the "Targaryen restoration" 
  • Spending an inordinate amount of time interpreting the House of the Undying prophecies 
  • Checking local animal shelters for direwolves that are up for adoption 
Currently, this disease is incurable. You shouldn't despair though, just get yourself a subscription to HBO Now, adopt a direwolf, accept the inevitable, and embrace your infliction. That's what I'm doing. My pet direwolf -- who I name Pink Wind in honor of Grey Wind, #RIPGreyWind -- is currently sitting at my feet. 

This has been cogent medical advice from someone who has too much time on their hands and an unhealthy obsession with Game of Thrones. 

Just sayin' 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Disney Princesses from Best to Worst

-
Image
So, I recently saw a YouTube video that ranked all the Disney Princesses from best to worst, and I got really irritated with it because I thought the YouTuber got a lot of things wrong (although, to be fair, it really is a matter of opinion). So I decided to do my own Disney princess ranking from worst to best, you know, because that's how grown ups spend their time. (I know I said best to worst in the title, but it just sounds weird to say worst to best, so sorry for being one of those tricky people who writes misleading blog titles :P). Someone Needs an Attitude Adjustment Tinkerbell - I know that Tinkerbell isn't technically a Disney princess these days, but she was considered one of the original Disney princesses, so I'm going to include her here. I'm going to be honest here, I lover her, but Tinkerbell is an AWFUL person. I mean, she's jealous and spiteful and vain and she get's angry so easily. Not to mention that she totally threw Wendy under the...
Read more

What Happened to Ernest?

-
Image
So, I've been required to read Frankenstein twice, once in college and once in high school, so I know that the book raises a lot of questions and themes, like the nature and importance of beauty and appearance in society and literature, what is considered monstrous in popular culture, the dangers of scientific exploration, etc, etc. But, to me, perhaps the most important question the book raises is what happened to Ernest ? In case you are unfamiliar with Frankenstein, let me give you a brief plot summary. Victor Frankenstein, the title character, decides that it's a good idea to build an eight foot tall quasi-man, animal creature while he's away at college. After he brings the creature to life, he has a freak out and runs away. After this, his creature, through a series of convoluted events, ends up killing everyone Victor cares about as revenge for Victor not creating a female creature for the monster. That is, everyone except Ernest. At the beginning of the book, V...
Read more

The Trouble with Targaryen Eyebrows

-
Image
Those Eyebrows Though As you know, I have strong opinions about eyebrows . I also have strong opinons about Game of Thrones. Usually, those two things do not intersect, but today they do. Let's not dance around the issue here: Daenerys Targaryen has weird eyebrows. (If you don't watch Game of Thrones , this probably is total nonsense to you. In case you're interested, Daenerys Targaryen is one of the show's main characters. She is descended from a royal line that originated in Valyria. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books , Valyrians have very distinctive physical features: white hair and purple eyes. In the show, Daenerys (aka Dany) has white hair (a wig) but her eyebrows are dark brown -- mostly because the actress' natural hair is dark brown.) Anyway, if you watch Game of Thrones at all you know that Dany looks great in almost every episode and she's completely gorgeous and beautiful. However, the weirdness of her eyebrows is unavoidable. I know it,...
Read more

Bizarro World: Modern Day Game of Thrones

-
Image
So, the other day I was on Facebook and I saw this article from Entertainment Weekly, in which an artist did drawings of the cast of Game of Thrones in 80s and 90s clothes. Needless to say, I was quite entertained. Anyway, it got me thinking, what sort of lives would the Game of Thrones characters live if they existed in the real, modern world? I think it would be something like Superman's bizarro world. Everything would be the same except their would be Starks and Targaryens walking around and Voldemort would have a nose.   That is the parallel universe I want to live in. I mean, can you imagine a world where Tyrion Lannister was an actual person ? I think he would be either the Secretary of State or the benevolent dictator of a small country. Modern Day Tyrion The rest of the Lannister's though...I don't think they would be so successful . Like, being all murderous and bloodthirsty is okay when you live in a medieval world where you're running the show, but ...
Read more

What Really Happened to Cedric Digory (The True Origin of the Twilight Series)

-
Image
So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr...
Read more