I Don't Understand Pokemon Go/ I Might Be Getting Too Old for the Internet
So. Pokémon Go is a thing that happens in the world. I give up. I officially give up. Life as we know it has come to an end. The Pokémon are here.
A few days ago, I was at the tutoring center that I work at, just minding my own business and tutoring, when I saw two of the math tutors playing Pokémon Go. They were closing in on a Pokémon, when suddenly it ran away from them or something, and they went tripping over each other to follow it to the other side of the room. And I was just like, "you're at work; what's happening here?" That's when it hit me. I have been consumed by an inexorable tide of Poke Balls floating in a sea of memes, tweets, and GIFS. Translation: I'm getting too old for the Internet. I'm getting too old apps. I've probably said all of that before, but this time I mean it: SAVE ME FROM POKEMON GO!!!!!
I don't know about you, but I'm really confused/ horrified by Pokémon Go. One minute, everything was fine and normal then, all of the sudden, everyone was walking around looking for Poke Stops, talking about Pikkachus (can you tell that I know nothing about Pokémon?), and falling into ditches because they were too busy looking for Poke Stops and talking about Jigglypuffs to watch where they were going. Someone even found a dead body while playing Pokémon Go. A CORPSE. And that women finished catching her Pokémon before she called the police. I mean, I don't think the Pokémon killed that person, but still. Why are you still playing Pokémon Go? Why? What's the appeal? Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Is this how the dinosaurs felt as they watched a blazing comet speed towards earth? Was that comet in the shape of a giant, glowing Poke ball? We'll probably never know.
Please send a search team to rescue me from the Mountain of Failing to Understand Pokémon because I have no idea what's going on in the world.
Like, the other day, one of my friends was talking about how there are no "gyms" near her house and how there were only a few Pokémon. Then, my other friend was like, "couldn't you just set up a lure?", as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And I was like "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???" What is a gym? What is a lure? What is happening to the world? I just figured out how to use Snapchat face swap a couple of months ago; this is too much for me! Someone else told me that they walked for seven miles one night while playing Pokémon Go. SEVEN MILES. I mean, I guess that's good exercise, but I don't understand how that could keep your attention for that length of time.
I mean, I'm not judging you if you play Pokémon Go or anything like that, but I'm sort of judging you. Maybe it's because I never played Pokémon as a child. Maybe it's because it reminds me of kindergarten (you know, the only time it's really acceptable to play Pokémon). Maybe it's because I don't really like the outdoors. Or, maybe it's because people keep falling into ditches and tripping over dead bodies!!!!!! Call me crazy, but I'd rather not.
I know that people will say "but that could happen with Snapchat too!" This is true. I'm also opposed to Snapchatting while you're walking. When I was a youth, I was taught never to run with scissors. These days, parents are going to have to teach their children not to run with Pokémon Go. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that means the end of days is upon us.
But whatever. Apparently, I just can't keep up with what The Youth are interested in. Like, a few days ago, one of my friends suggested that we go to a particular café/bar, and I was like "I don't want to go there; that's where all the young people go." She just looked at me, and was like "you know you're 21 right?"
I may be 21; but in spirit I'm older than the Internet itself. (Which actually wasn't invented until 1983, so, I guess I'm really not that old). Whatever. Still too old for Pokémon Go.
This has been a summation of the state of the world as life as we know it comes to an end.
Just sayin'
A few days ago, I was at the tutoring center that I work at, just minding my own business and tutoring, when I saw two of the math tutors playing Pokémon Go. They were closing in on a Pokémon, when suddenly it ran away from them or something, and they went tripping over each other to follow it to the other side of the room. And I was just like, "you're at work; what's happening here?" That's when it hit me. I have been consumed by an inexorable tide of Poke Balls floating in a sea of memes, tweets, and GIFS. Translation: I'm getting too old for the Internet. I'm getting too old apps. I've probably said all of that before, but this time I mean it: SAVE ME FROM POKEMON GO!!!!!
I don't know about you, but I'm really confused/ horrified by Pokémon Go. One minute, everything was fine and normal then, all of the sudden, everyone was walking around looking for Poke Stops, talking about Pikkachus (can you tell that I know nothing about Pokémon?), and falling into ditches because they were too busy looking for Poke Stops and talking about Jigglypuffs to watch where they were going. Someone even found a dead body while playing Pokémon Go. A CORPSE. And that women finished catching her Pokémon before she called the police. I mean, I don't think the Pokémon killed that person, but still. Why are you still playing Pokémon Go? Why? What's the appeal? Is this a sign of the apocalypse? Is this how the dinosaurs felt as they watched a blazing comet speed towards earth? Was that comet in the shape of a giant, glowing Poke ball? We'll probably never know.
Please send a search team to rescue me from the Mountain of Failing to Understand Pokémon because I have no idea what's going on in the world.
Like, the other day, one of my friends was talking about how there are no "gyms" near her house and how there were only a few Pokémon. Then, my other friend was like, "couldn't you just set up a lure?", as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And I was like "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???" What is a gym? What is a lure? What is happening to the world? I just figured out how to use Snapchat face swap a couple of months ago; this is too much for me! Someone else told me that they walked for seven miles one night while playing Pokémon Go. SEVEN MILES. I mean, I guess that's good exercise, but I don't understand how that could keep your attention for that length of time.
I mean, I'm not judging you if you play Pokémon Go or anything like that, but I'm sort of judging you. Maybe it's because I never played Pokémon as a child. Maybe it's because it reminds me of kindergarten (you know, the only time it's really acceptable to play Pokémon). Maybe it's because I don't really like the outdoors. Or, maybe it's because people keep falling into ditches and tripping over dead bodies!!!!!! Call me crazy, but I'd rather not.
I know that people will say "but that could happen with Snapchat too!" This is true. I'm also opposed to Snapchatting while you're walking. When I was a youth, I was taught never to run with scissors. These days, parents are going to have to teach their children not to run with Pokémon Go. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that means the end of days is upon us.
But whatever. Apparently, I just can't keep up with what The Youth are interested in. Like, a few days ago, one of my friends suggested that we go to a particular café/bar, and I was like "I don't want to go there; that's where all the young people go." She just looked at me, and was like "you know you're 21 right?"
I may be 21; but in spirit I'm older than the Internet itself. (Which actually wasn't invented until 1983, so, I guess I'm really not that old). Whatever. Still too old for Pokémon Go.
This has been a summation of the state of the world as life as we know it comes to an end.
Just sayin'
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