Peanut Butter Whipped Cream: What is the World Coming To?

Okay, so I've had a tough couple of months: I moved into a new apartment, started a new job, someone backed into my car, I got hit in the head with a baseball, it's been raining for a month straight, and my bathroom ceiling wouldn't stop leaking, so the maintenance guys at my apartment complex cut a giant hole in the ceiling. I blame it on the Mercury retrograde. Anyway, I was dealing with all of this pretty well, but then I saw something in the supermarket that pushed me over the edge: PEANUT BUTTER WHIPPED CREAM.

I am irrationally angry that this product exists.

I find it frustrating because you know that this product exists solely for the novelty. People in the supermarket will walk past it, think "that's weird, I wonder what it tastes like?" Then, they'll try it once, It'll be gross, and they'll throw it away. And they'll be $3 poorer, or however much this product costs. Now, I didn't buy this product because I'm 90% sure that this is going to taste horrific. It'll taste bad because it's not real peanut butter because you can't make peanut butter the texture of whipped cream. So, basically, this is whipped cream with food coloring and artificial flavors. And peanut butter deserves better than that.

I mean, this is just disrespectful to peanut butter.

Peanut butter works hard out in the world to make your sandwiches and Reese's Cups delicious, and you need to treat peanut butter with respect. This product makes a mockery of the hard-working American peanut.

Even if this product actually tasted like real peanut butter (and not fake, chemical peanut butter), I still don't understand the purpose of this product. When you're putting whipped cream on your pumpkin pie and hot chocolate, do you ever stop and think to yourself "this would be better if it was peanut butter flavored"? I mean, maybe you have if you're a peanut butter fanatic and you have a constant IV drip of peanut butter. However, 99% of people have enough peanut butter in their lives without adding this ridiculous product to their diets.

Plus, what are you actually going to put this product on? I put whipped cream on coffee and pancakes and pie and other delicious things. I'm not interested in putting peanut butter on any of that stuff. Regular whipped cream is one of the most delicious things that mankind has ever created; isn't it enough? It doesn't need extra flavors. Give regular whipped cream a chance.

But what really makes me angry is that everyone online seems to be treating it like a legitimate product. As if this is a staple that everyone is going to be picking up every week with their milk and eggs. As if this product is not an abomination. Give peanut butter the respect it deserves.

Just sayin'