Writing a Resume for My Cat

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A Very Professional Cat
So, about ten months ago, I adopted a cat. Her name is Pepper Potts, and she is a very busy cat. She's always industriously getting herself stuck in the pantry or trying to crawl into the fireplace. Anyway, her vet office just announced that they're running a costume contest for Halloween. I was chatting to my friend about how I was planning to enter Pepper into the contest, and I jokingly said that I hoped she would win because then I could put it on her resume. We had a good chuckle about that, but then I thought "wait a minute, Pepper should have a resume!"

I mean, Pepper has skills. She has experience! She's definitely employable. I mean, she doesn't have thumbs, but, other than that, there's nothing stopping her from getting any job she wants. Plus, today is her birthday, and she's going to be three-years-old, which means she should probably get out into the workforce (you know, so she can start a 401K and all that jazz). So, I decided to write a resume for Pepper to showcase her impressive accomplishments:

Pepper Potts the Cat
101 Cat Street, The Kingdom of Cats
pepper@cats.com
About Me
I am a cat, which means you are fortunate to have the opportunity to meet me. I have no organizational skills, my tail is exceptionally short, I don't like to have my stomach touched, and I keep my claws sharp. I am currently seeking a position that will allow me to sleep for at least 12 hours a day and eat shrimp and tuna whenever possible. 

Education
Royal Feline University
   Major: Meowing in a piteous fashion
   Minor: Yowling when left in a room by herself
   GPA: 3.5/4 Paws

Honors
Best Halloween costume (2019)
#1 cutest tabby cat in the apartment (2018-2019)
Member of the Sigma Meow Tuna sorority for cats

Experience
Member of the most glorious and wonderful species of the cat (2016-Present)
Professional house feline (2018-Present)
Spider killer at large (2018-Present)

Special Skills
Getting trapped in closets and behind book shelves
Bug hunting, with a speciality in crickets
Begging for food between the hours of 4:00 and 5:00 am
Knocking things off tables in fits of pique
Napping
Destroying toy mice
Walking in a harness (sometimes)
Able to eat grass without vomiting (most of the time)

Anyway, if you want to hire Pepper, let me know. She'd make an excellent VP of cuteness. 

Just sayin'

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