Just Sayin'

Okay, before you freak out on me for being insensitive to endangered creatures, let me preface this by saying that I don't hate whales, I'm just uncomfortable with them.The other day, as you know, I started college and my English teacher asked me to introduce myself with an interesting fact. I told the whole class that I was afraid of whales. Embarrassing, yeah, I know. Here's the thing, whales are so freaking big. They need to chug some slim fast or something because clearly krill and plankton are really fatty. Get on a treadmill or do some serious sit ups. I mean, whales are so big that they could swallow you without even noticing. Case and point, look what happened to Jonah (Pinocchio's father got swallowed too, but I feel like he's a bit of a Jonah poser). Or maybe that was just in the Disney version; IDK. The other thing is that killer whales have some aggression issues. And yes, I know that they're not really whales, but they're all mammals so I fe...

Okay, guess what, are you ready for this? I'm in college. That's right college. I'm free!!!! I can stay up as late as I want, I can eat dessert before dinner, I can decorate everything how I want! Okay, well, I stayed up to eleven last night, didn't have any desert, and my room is overwhelmingly pink, I'm still free. Well, sort of, my parents still pay for everything (except for my sheets, I bought those, aren't you proud of me?). But let's not rain on my college parade; those are just details. Mostly.

I don't know if any of you have seen the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp in this century, but as a person who saw it for the first time a few months ago, I have some major issues with this film. It isn't just that pasta is undoubtedly unhealthy for dogs and that mutt gangs roam the streets, no, its the ending that really gets me. For those of you who don't know, during the end sequence of Lady and the Tramp , Lady spots a rat sneaking into the house, presumably to hurt Jim and Darling's baby, but is unable to get inside due to the visiting aunt, the Siamese cats, and their really annoying song which I'm sure we all remember. So, Lady goes to the Tramp for help and they break into the house, the Tramp then proceeds to fight with and kill the rat, although he injures his paw in the process. The aunt then takes the Tramp to the pound, from which Jim and Darling must rescue him when they return home. Now, I'm sure you all see the issue with this turn of events,...

Lately, I've been thinking about the world's problems, global warming, whales, the dirth of chocolate houses. And I think that I could fix them all, if I ruled the world. Just think about it--I would be an excellent dictator. And I don't mean this in a crazy psychotic way, it's just practical. I have double jointed toes, a guinea pig, and a good angry face. What else do you need? If I ruled the world, my first action would be to ban geometry, because let's face it, who needs it anyway? And because that would probably cause a lot of buildings to collapse, my next act would be that we all live in giant pumpkins. This would be good because we'd have to employ lots of farmers to grow the giant pumpkins which would lead to to year round employment. Also, all the decomposing pumpkin rinds would make our soil rich in Nitrogen. I don't know much about chemistry, but I think Nitrogen is a good thing. I would also put all the ardvarks of the world to work for the forc...

Life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're going to get. Unfortunately, Pandora Radio is the same way. For some reason, Pandora thinks that I want to listen to Eminem rapping about murdering his wife and P-Diddy talking about sex and drugs all the time, or feelings. Oh gosh, feelings. Pandora doesn't seem to understand that I want to listen to normal music. Just happy, poppy, normal music, not about getting high and dancing in glitter (Ke$ha). Although I appreciate the free music, I have to say I think Pandora is trying to send some subliminal messages. What can I say, I might be a little bit paranoid. I mean, I think it's suspicious when one gets more than one Jay-Z song in a row. I think they're trying to turn us into drug addicts. Now this might sound crazy, but the truth is, the aliens are manipulating us. Just kidding, this isn't the history channel. Next time I turn on my Pandora, I hope to hear the hampster dance song--the only truly innoce...

Let's be real here, I use the phrase "let's be real here" way too often, but, if you thought that's what this blog is going to be about you'd be wrong. No, this blog is about addiction. I have an addiction, an addiction to farmville. If you're facebook friends with me, this should be no surprise to you, I mean, just look at my wall. But, let's be real here, its a serious problem. Every day, I tell myself I'm going to quit, then I find myself logging on to check on my yams. Should I care about virtual yams? Not unless I'm a virtual person (the jury's still out on that one). Do I care about them? You bet. Add to that virtual cows, apple trees, and dinosaurs. That's right, there are dinosaurs on farmville, bet you didn't see that coming. Neither did I, and I think its ridiculous, which is why I've been trying to finally, and definitely give up my farm. But then come the e-mails. Oh yes, Zynga, I know what you're trying to do ...

Manipulation is a real danger in today's society. Take today, when I innocently tried to comment on my good friend Kira's blog, and I was bamboozled by Google into creating a blog. This post was the bi-product of this quagmire. As you may have guessed, I am a person who likes to be in control of her situation. That's why I do not take kindly to the internet's mind games and subliminal messages. And no, before you get concerned, I am not some crazy conspiracy theorist. I just think ads are "cool" in the grade school definition of the word. Of course, this blog was inevitable. Most of my close friends blog, and they have been pressuring me to blog as well. So I guess you can say I am a victim of peer pressure. Health class, you predicted this would happen to me. At least I'm not smoking yet.