I Have Issues With Whales
Okay, before you freak out on me for being insensitive to endangered creatures, let me preface this by saying that I don't hate whales, I'm just uncomfortable with them.The other day, as you know, I started college and my English teacher asked me to introduce myself with an interesting fact. I told the whole class that I was afraid of whales. Embarrassing, yeah, I know.
Here's the thing, whales are so freaking big. They need to chug some slim fast or something because clearly krill and plankton are really fatty. Get on a treadmill or do some serious sit ups. I mean, whales are so big that they could swallow you without even noticing. Case and point, look what happened to Jonah (Pinocchio's father got swallowed too, but I feel like he's a bit of a Jonah poser). Or maybe that was just in the Disney version; IDK.
The other thing is that killer whales have some aggression issues. And yes, I know that they're not really whales, but they're all mammals so I feel justified in grouping them together. And before you ask about that, no, I don't like dolphins either, they're too perky. But, let's be real here, we all remember when that orca at Sea World killed that trainer. Don't pretend like you didn't hear about it, it was on the news. There you go, whales terrorize the town people. So, as you can see, my fear of whales is totally rational, its not like my irrational fears of needles, snakes, and chickens. More about that later.
You can only trust a whale as far as you can throw it. Just sayin'.
Here's the thing, whales are so freaking big. They need to chug some slim fast or something because clearly krill and plankton are really fatty. Get on a treadmill or do some serious sit ups. I mean, whales are so big that they could swallow you without even noticing. Case and point, look what happened to Jonah (Pinocchio's father got swallowed too, but I feel like he's a bit of a Jonah poser). Or maybe that was just in the Disney version; IDK.
The other thing is that killer whales have some aggression issues. And yes, I know that they're not really whales, but they're all mammals so I feel justified in grouping them together. And before you ask about that, no, I don't like dolphins either, they're too perky. But, let's be real here, we all remember when that orca at Sea World killed that trainer. Don't pretend like you didn't hear about it, it was on the news. There you go, whales terrorize the town people. So, as you can see, my fear of whales is totally rational, its not like my irrational fears of needles, snakes, and chickens. More about that later.
You can only trust a whale as far as you can throw it. Just sayin'.
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