If I Ruled the World

Lately, I've been thinking about the world's problems, global warming, whales, the dirth of chocolate houses. And I think that I could fix them all, if I ruled the world. Just think about it--I would be an excellent dictator. And I don't mean this in a crazy psychotic way, it's just practical. I have double jointed toes, a guinea pig, and a good angry face. What else do you need? If I ruled the world, my first action would be to ban geometry, because let's face it, who needs it anyway? And because that would probably cause a lot of buildings to collapse, my next act would be that we all live in giant pumpkins. This would be good because we'd have to employ lots of farmers to grow the giant pumpkins which would lead to to year round employment. Also, all the decomposing pumpkin rinds would make our soil rich in Nitrogen. I don't know much about chemistry, but I think Nitrogen is a good thing. I would also put all the ardvarks of the world to work for the forces of good. In my rule, everyone would have an ardvark to ride around everywhere. And all the important people would have al pacas. That way everyone would know everyone else's social status just by what animal they were riding. We wouldn't have to worry about getting all those silly designer jeans or high heeled shoes. Do you know how difficult high heels are to walk in? So, consider this blog post me officially announcing my candidacy for my presidency of the world. Free donkeys to anyone who votes for me.