Juaquo, the Immortal Fish

The immortal fish, he hates socialization, happiness, and having fun

So, as I've written before, fish are delicate creatures. I don't know if it's the gills or the cold blood or what, but, if you expose them to toxic chemicals, they're very likely to die (which I don't get because I drink Diet Coke on the daily and I'm still kicking).

Currently, I'm combating an ammonia poisoning crisis in my fish tank. Without getting too scientific about it (science = snore), basically what happened was I destroyed my fish tank's biological filter when I cleaned it. I cleaned it to, you know, get rid of the horrible disease that was killing all my fish. Established fish tanks have a certain level of good bacteria that process waste, which is good because, if you don't process waste, you get toxic chemical build up. Anyway, while I wait for the biological filter to rebound, I have to be on high alert for ammonia and nitrate spikes. I test the water for pH and chemical levels every other day and I change the water twice a day, every day.
 

So that's what's going on in my big fish tank.

Joaquo in the big tank. He was a trouble maker.

I have two fish tanks; my little fish tank is my algae eater, Joaquo's, house. (BTW, Joaquo is pronounce WAH-co; it's short for Joaquin -- yeah, that's right, I get creative with fish names). I quarantined him after the great fish plague of 2014 and, since he'd been exposed to the virus, I never un-quarantined him. At first I thought that that would be a problem because the quarantine tank, you know, sucks.

But I was wrong. Nothing -- I repeat: nothing -- could kill Joaquo.

Like, no fish should be alive in my quarantine tank. It's such a horrible tank; it doesn't even have a heater -- for that matter, it doesn't even have a filter! And it's not like I change the water often either; I only change the water when it gets cloudy, which was like once in the last two months. The same crap filled water just gets cycled through the tank again and again. It's not like I check the chemical levels either -- I mean, I don't even check the pH. I'm sure the ammonium levels are off the charts. Sometimes, when I feel like it, I dump some StressCoat in the water; that is the extent of my fish parenting. I don't even feed Joaquo every day. Sometimes, I just look at him and am like, "you probably need to eat too, don't you?"

Like I said, nothing kills him!!!

Joaquo at summer camp

Joaquo is a Chinese algae eater. I had one Chinese algae eater before (his name was Quiquito), and he lived for about four years before he jumped out of the tank and killed himself. Apparently, fish suicide is like the leading cause of death among Chinese algae eaters. I'm not even kidding; they're good at jumping and they're stupid. My big tank doesn't have a lid, but, there is a lid on the quarantine tank, so Joaquo literally can't jump out. Therefore, he's never going to die.

This is coming from a self-proclaimed fish expert: Joaquo IS an immortal fish.

Like, what's going to kill him? Toxic chemical build up? No. Starvation? No. The cold? No. Dirty water? No. Disease? Hah! Joaquo laughs in the face of disease. Joaquo eats disease for breakfast! (Literally).

I know what you're thinking "valar morghulis -- all men must die." That's true, but Joaquo is not a man; he's a fish, and he's going to live forever.

Just sayin'

Note: As of 1/5/15, the Immortal Fish has died...so I guess hubris is a real thing :(