Panda Greed

-
You know what bothers me about China? THEY OWN ALL THE PANDAS.

Like, don't get me wrong -- I have no problem with China, but they have a problem, and that problem is PANDA GREED.

Fact: China owns every panda in the WORLD; not just the pandas in China -- all the pandas everywhere. There are pandas chillin' in the US right now who belong to China. American zoos pay RENT every year for the right to display pandas. And when I say rent, I mean ONE MILLION dollars per panda. This is true even for pandas who were born in the United States (or in any other country that isn't China).

Maybe I'm reading the constitution wrong or something but my understanding is that, if someone is born here, they're a US citizen. I'm not sure if that applies to pandas, but if it doesn't, it should. I say this because if American zoos go through the trouble and expense of breeding a panda (which is not easy) they shouldn't have to pay a million dollars for the privlidge of caring for it.

I mean, call me crazy, but the notion of paying rent on a panda is absolutely INSANE. I understand that pandas are a pride thing for China, and it's cool if they want to go around saying "all pandas are Chinese pandas -- we're so great." Do they really need the panda cash too? Now, I know that the US forces China to put at least half their US panda cash towards panda conservation, but that still leaves five hundred thousand dollars for them to buy tacos with -- or what ever else you would do with half a million dollars. Pandas can live up to twenty years in the wild and longer in captivity, which means that for every panda at a foreign zoo, China stands to make between ten and twenty million dollars. And even if you pay all that money, they can still take your p
anda back if they want to.

That's wrong. That's panda greed.

Like, think about it, no other country feels the need to do this. Like, if China wanted a bison or an armadillo or something for one of their zoos, I bet we would be like "yeah cool man, that'll be like twenty bucks." (Before you attack me, I know that a good armadillo is worth at least $25 :P). We're not the armadillo police. We don't go around insisting that all the armadillos in the world are our armadillos (partly because armadillos come from outside the US as well, but you get my point). Plus, if an armadillo is born in China, that armadillo can be a Chinese armadillo and no one will lose their minds over it. Do you know why? Because they aren't just our armadillos -- they're the world's armadillos.

I feel like the same principle applies to pandas. You could make the argument that their worth more because their cute and their aren't as many of them, but puppies are cute and no one is paying a million dollars a year to borrow someone else's dog. Not to mention that because of environmental destruction, China has almost completely decemated their natural habitat and driven pandas to the brink of extinction. You can't tell me it's not explotive to almost wipe out an entire species and then demand exorbitive amounts of money because their so rare.

So this is what I purpose. Let the pandas run free. Let the pandas become US citizens and eat hot dogs and have American sounding names -- like Sebastian. I'm tired of panda greed; let's have panda generosity instead. #Deep.

Just sayin'

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Trouble with Targaryen Eyebrows

-
Image
Those Eyebrows Though As you know, I have strong opinions about eyebrows . I also have strong opinons about Game of Thrones. Usually, those two things do not intersect, but today they do. Let's not dance around the issue here: Daenerys Targaryen has weird eyebrows. (If you don't watch Game of Thrones , this probably is total nonsense to you. In case you're interested, Daenerys Targaryen is one of the show's main characters. She is descended from a royal line that originated in Valyria. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books , Valyrians have very distinctive physical features: white hair and purple eyes. In the show, Daenerys (aka Dany) has white hair (a wig) but her eyebrows are dark brown -- mostly because the actress' natural hair is dark brown.) Anyway, if you watch Game of Thrones at all you know that Dany looks great in almost every episode and she's completely gorgeous and beautiful. However, the weirdness of her eyebrows is unavoidable. I know it,
Read more

Disney Outfits from Best to Worst

-
Image
A few months ago, I wrote a blog ranking Disney princesses best to worst (actually worst to best, but who pays attention to details like that), so, in the grand tradition of criticizing/ranking/generalized Disney love, I've decided to embark on a road where few dare to tread: ranking Disney princess outfits, and yes, that means ball gowns . Lots and lots of ball gowns. So here we go, Disney outfits from best to worst (actually, it's going to be worst to best, but we already talked about that). Ariel's Seashell Bikini Let's be clear here, Ariel doesn't actually wear clothes. She wears a sea shell bikini. Last time I checked, sea shells were not a valid form of clothing, they're organic calcium by products produced by snails and oysters that need tiny little houses. That's not clothes; we're not in a Lady Gaga music video here. Ariel does redeem herself later in the movie, but we'll get to that later. Ariel's Canvas Toga This is no
Read more

I Have Questions for Beowulf

-
Image
So, this past weekend I read the Old-English poem Beowulf for one of my English classes. In case you don't know, Beowulf is an Old-English, epic poem about the hero/warrior Beowulf who kills the monster Grendel (and his mother) and slays a dragon. I had read parts of the poem before in other classes, but I sort of skipped over a lot of the supernatural details in the poem. Like, for example, when Beowulf kills Grendel's mother, he battles her underwater and he spends like an entire day at the bottom of a lake, and no one thinks its weird. And, I guess because no one in the poem thought it was weird, I just sort of ignored it. Like, Beowulf is constantly doing things that are physically impossible. On premise, I don't really have a problem with this because I understand that it's a legend, and things are 'legendary' for a reason. Also, as an English major, I am constantly reading books in which people are doing impossible things, so, at some point, you k
Read more

What Really Happened to Cedric Digory (The True Origin of the Twilight Series)

-
Image
So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr
Read more

Bizarro World: Modern Day Game of Thrones

-
Image
So, the other day I was on Facebook and I saw this article from Entertainment Weekly, in which an artist did drawings of the cast of Game of Thrones in 80s and 90s clothes. Needless to say, I was quite entertained. Anyway, it got me thinking, what sort of lives would the Game of Thrones characters live if they existed in the real, modern world? I think it would be something like Superman's bizarro world. Everything would be the same except their would be Starks and Targaryens walking around and Voldemort would have a nose.   That is the parallel universe I want to live in. I mean, can you imagine a world where Tyrion Lannister was an actual person ? I think he would be either the Secretary of State or the benevolent dictator of a small country. Modern Day Tyrion The rest of the Lannister's though...I don't think they would be so successful . Like, being all murderous and bloodthirsty is okay when you live in a medieval world where you're running the show, but
Read more