Panda Greed

-
You know what bothers me about China? THEY OWN ALL THE PANDAS.

Like, don't get me wrong -- I have no problem with China, but they have a problem, and that problem is PANDA GREED.

Fact: China owns every panda in the WORLD; not just the pandas in China -- all the pandas everywhere. There are pandas chillin' in the US right now who belong to China. American zoos pay RENT every year for the right to display pandas. And when I say rent, I mean ONE MILLION dollars per panda. This is true even for pandas who were born in the United States (or in any other country that isn't China).

Maybe I'm reading the constitution wrong or something but my understanding is that, if someone is born here, they're a US citizen. I'm not sure if that applies to pandas, but if it doesn't, it should. I say this because if American zoos go through the trouble and expense of breeding a panda (which is not easy) they shouldn't have to pay a million dollars for the privlidge of caring for it.

I mean, call me crazy, but the notion of paying rent on a panda is absolutely INSANE. I understand that pandas are a pride thing for China, and it's cool if they want to go around saying "all pandas are Chinese pandas -- we're so great." Do they really need the panda cash too? Now, I know that the US forces China to put at least half their US panda cash towards panda conservation, but that still leaves five hundred thousand dollars for them to buy tacos with -- or what ever else you would do with half a million dollars. Pandas can live up to twenty years in the wild and longer in captivity, which means that for every panda at a foreign zoo, China stands to make between ten and twenty million dollars. And even if you pay all that money, they can still take your p
anda back if they want to.

That's wrong. That's panda greed.

Like, think about it, no other country feels the need to do this. Like, if China wanted a bison or an armadillo or something for one of their zoos, I bet we would be like "yeah cool man, that'll be like twenty bucks." (Before you attack me, I know that a good armadillo is worth at least $25 :P). We're not the armadillo police. We don't go around insisting that all the armadillos in the world are our armadillos (partly because armadillos come from outside the US as well, but you get my point). Plus, if an armadillo is born in China, that armadillo can be a Chinese armadillo and no one will lose their minds over it. Do you know why? Because they aren't just our armadillos -- they're the world's armadillos.

I feel like the same principle applies to pandas. You could make the argument that their worth more because their cute and their aren't as many of them, but puppies are cute and no one is paying a million dollars a year to borrow someone else's dog. Not to mention that because of environmental destruction, China has almost completely decemated their natural habitat and driven pandas to the brink of extinction. You can't tell me it's not explotive to almost wipe out an entire species and then demand exorbitive amounts of money because their so rare.

So this is what I purpose. Let the pandas run free. Let the pandas become US citizens and eat hot dogs and have American sounding names -- like Sebastian. I'm tired of panda greed; let's have panda generosity instead. #Deep.

Just sayin'

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Trouble with Targaryen Eyebrows

-
Image
Those Eyebrows Though As you know, I have strong opinions about eyebrows . I also have strong opinons about Game of Thrones. Usually, those two things do not intersect, but today they do. Let's not dance around the issue here: Daenerys Targaryen has weird eyebrows. (If you don't watch Game of Thrones , this probably is total nonsense to you. In case you're interested, Daenerys Targaryen is one of the show's main characters. She is descended from a royal line that originated in Valyria. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books , Valyrians have very distinctive physical features: white hair and purple eyes. In the show, Daenerys (aka Dany) has white hair (a wig) but her eyebrows are dark brown -- mostly because the actress' natural hair is dark brown.) Anyway, if you watch Game of Thrones at all you know that Dany looks great in almost every episode and she's completely gorgeous and beautiful. However, the weirdness of her eyebrows is unavoidable. I know it,
Read more

The Yik Yak Year in Review

-
Image
So, I'm basically an old person now, so I just discovered Yik Yak this past year. Yik Yak, in case you're old like me and don't know, is basically an anonymous form of Twitter which shows you posts from people who are geographically near you. That means that the quality of the Yaks are really dependent on where you live; however, since I live in a college town, my Yik Yak is made of win. So, without further ado, I give you the Yik Yak year in review: When You're A Productive & Valuable Employee: Could We Stop Re-Making Movies Already? When the Struggle is Too Real for Spelling: When You Celebrate Father's Day with Yik Yak: When Game of Thrones Betrays You...Again: When You Thank Yik Yak for Your Freedom: When Worlds Collide: The Yummy Yak: The Obligatory Squirrel Yak: The Obligatory "All Weather Sucks" Yak: Ce
Read more

I Have Issues with Lady and the Tramp

-
I don't know if any of you have seen the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp in this century, but as a person who saw it for the first time a few months ago, I have some major issues with this film. It isn't just that pasta is undoubtedly unhealthy for dogs and that mutt gangs roam the streets, no, its the ending that really gets me. For those of you who don't know, during the end sequence of Lady and the Tramp , Lady spots a rat sneaking into the house, presumably to hurt Jim and Darling's baby, but is unable to get inside due to the visiting aunt, the Siamese cats, and their really annoying song which I'm sure we all remember. So, Lady goes to the Tramp for help and they break into the house, the Tramp then proceeds to fight with and kill the rat, although he injures his paw in the process. The aunt then takes the Tramp to the pound, from which Jim and Darling must rescue him when they return home. Now, I'm sure you all see the issue with this turn of events,
Read more

What Happened to Ernest?

-
Image
So, I've been required to read Frankenstein twice, once in college and once in high school, so I know that the book raises a lot of questions and themes, like the nature and importance of beauty and appearance in society and literature, what is considered monstrous in popular culture, the dangers of scientific exploration, etc, etc. But, to me, perhaps the most important question the book raises is what happened to Ernest ? In case you are unfamiliar with Frankenstein, let me give you a brief plot summary. Victor Frankenstein, the title character, decides that it's a good idea to build an eight foot tall quasi-man, animal creature while he's away at college. After he brings the creature to life, he has a freak out and runs away. After this, his creature, through a series of convoluted events, ends up killing everyone Victor cares about as revenge for Victor not creating a female creature for the monster. That is, everyone except Ernest. At the beginning of the book, V
Read more

What Really Happened to Cedric Digory (The True Origin of the Twilight Series)

-
Image
So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr
Read more