Panda Greed

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You know what bothers me about China? THEY OWN ALL THE PANDAS.

Like, don't get me wrong -- I have no problem with China, but they have a problem, and that problem is PANDA GREED.

Fact: China owns every panda in the WORLD; not just the pandas in China -- all the pandas everywhere. There are pandas chillin' in the US right now who belong to China. American zoos pay RENT every year for the right to display pandas. And when I say rent, I mean ONE MILLION dollars per panda. This is true even for pandas who were born in the United States (or in any other country that isn't China).

Maybe I'm reading the constitution wrong or something but my understanding is that, if someone is born here, they're a US citizen. I'm not sure if that applies to pandas, but if it doesn't, it should. I say this because if American zoos go through the trouble and expense of breeding a panda (which is not easy) they shouldn't have to pay a million dollars for the privlidge of caring for it.

I mean, call me crazy, but the notion of paying rent on a panda is absolutely INSANE. I understand that pandas are a pride thing for China, and it's cool if they want to go around saying "all pandas are Chinese pandas -- we're so great." Do they really need the panda cash too? Now, I know that the US forces China to put at least half their US panda cash towards panda conservation, but that still leaves five hundred thousand dollars for them to buy tacos with -- or what ever else you would do with half a million dollars. Pandas can live up to twenty years in the wild and longer in captivity, which means that for every panda at a foreign zoo, China stands to make between ten and twenty million dollars. And even if you pay all that money, they can still take your p
anda back if they want to.

That's wrong. That's panda greed.

Like, think about it, no other country feels the need to do this. Like, if China wanted a bison or an armadillo or something for one of their zoos, I bet we would be like "yeah cool man, that'll be like twenty bucks." (Before you attack me, I know that a good armadillo is worth at least $25 :P). We're not the armadillo police. We don't go around insisting that all the armadillos in the world are our armadillos (partly because armadillos come from outside the US as well, but you get my point). Plus, if an armadillo is born in China, that armadillo can be a Chinese armadillo and no one will lose their minds over it. Do you know why? Because they aren't just our armadillos -- they're the world's armadillos.

I feel like the same principle applies to pandas. You could make the argument that their worth more because their cute and their aren't as many of them, but puppies are cute and no one is paying a million dollars a year to borrow someone else's dog. Not to mention that because of environmental destruction, China has almost completely decemated their natural habitat and driven pandas to the brink of extinction. You can't tell me it's not explotive to almost wipe out an entire species and then demand exorbitive amounts of money because their so rare.

So this is what I purpose. Let the pandas run free. Let the pandas become US citizens and eat hot dogs and have American sounding names -- like Sebastian. I'm tired of panda greed; let's have panda generosity instead. #Deep.

Just sayin'

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