Bring Back the Mammoth!

If you're on the east coast of the US right now, you're probably being buried alive in snow from Winter Storm Jonas (can we collectively agree to fire the person who decided to name a blizzard after a boy band?). Do you know what would be great in a blizzard like this? A mammoth. You can't drive your car in the snow? Climb on top of a mammoth. Mammoths are the original four wheel drive. Don't have snow tires? Hitch a sled to your mammoth! Mammoths are very fuel efficient, practical, all terrain vehicles.

Now, I know what you're thinking: mammoths are extinct, right? Yes, they are...for now. I'm not a scientist. However, if I was a scientist, I would be devoting all my time and energy to resurrecting the Woolly Mammoth. Let me explain.

Humans are mostly responsible for the extinction of mammoths (this is why we can't have nice things). Yes, there is some evidence that suggests that climate change may have pushed mammoths to extinction, but there is also a lot of evidence to suggest that they were hunted to extinction by humans -- which is believable because our species likes to kill things. So, if we're responsible for killing all the mammoths, so we should also be responsible for bringing them back. Only fair, right?

Honestly, I don't know what the hold up is. We have mammoth DNA. We know how to clone sheep and dogs and things like that. They successfully recreated velociraptors for Jurassic Park. Why don't we have mammoths yet? How hard could it be to make a furry, orange elephant? I could make one myself if I had an elephant, some orange fur, and super glue. In all seriousness, I know it's a little more complicated than that. I imagine that there would be elephant uteruses and artificial insemination involved. But, bringing back the mammoth is definitely in the realm of scientific possibility.

Which is why I don't know why we haven't done it yet! It would be so great to have mammoths around. Not only could we domesticate them and ride them in bad weather (I mean, people ride elephants, right?), but it would be AMAZING to have mammoths roaming wild in North America. I live in the Northeast and, let me tell you, aside from black bears, we have no interesting wildlife. We used to have buffalo and mountain lions but, surprise surprise, humans killed them all too. So wouldn't it be cool if we could have some mammoths running around in the woods? I don't know what mammoths eat, but we certainly have enough vegetation if they're herbivores and, if they eat meat, they could certainly munch on our white tailed deer. If we had mammoths in the woods, I might actually enjoy hiking.

Come on science, all I'm asking for is the resurrection of an animal that has been extinct for thousands of years so that I can ride it in the snow.

Just sayin'