Things I'm Bad at as an Adult
Not too long ago, Jenna Marbles made a video about how she's bad at being an adult. I watched that video and I thought: psh, I'm worse at more things than that! I'm horrible at being an adult! I mean, Jenna Marbles has curtains in her house and more than one plate; she's practically the queen of the grownups! I, on the other hand, am very good at not being an adult.
First of all, I'm terrible at making phone calls. Jenna Marbles talked about this too, so I think it might be a generational thing. Whenever I make a phone call, I go through a couple of steps: 1) try to convince someone else to make the call, 2) delay making the call as long as possible, 3) spend at least half and hour mentally preparing to make the call, and 4) actually making the call. Consequently, I'm also really bad at answering the phone. I never answer the phone if it's a number I don't know (which means I miss a lot of important calls) and, half the time, if it's a number I know, I ignore the call and text the person to ask why they're calling me. There's a telephone in the office I share at work and I never answer it (partly because I don't really know how to answer it) but mostly because I just have no idea what to say when I pick up a phone. I mean, seriously, what do you say when you answer a phone? Hello? That's so 90s.
Jenna Marbles also talked about how she's bad at answering the door. Coincidentally, I'm also bad at answering the door. Unless I invited someone over, I typically don't like to answer the door. In my defense, there's no peephole on the door in my apartment, so I could be opening the door for an ax murderer for all I know. But, even when I'm in a regular house, I don't usually answer the door because it's usually either Mormons (I don't want to be converted, thank you very much) or neighbors who want you to buy cookies from their child (even worse). I think millennials are just bad at human interaction. I would much prefer to have someone email me when they're outside my house. That seems more efficient, don't you think?
Another thing that is very efficient is online banking, which is why I have never once balanced my check book. Adults (and when I say adults I mean real adults, not me) always seem to be freaking out about this, but I really don't get it. If I want to know how much money is in my checking account, I log on to online banking. I don't understand why I would use a calculator and do math to find out how much money I have when the computer can tell me so easily. The computer is just better at that sort of thing; it shows you all your pending transactions and your scheduled transactions and all the checks you wrote and cashed. When someone gets all concerned that their check book is off, I always tell them to check their online banking because, let's be real, the computer is far less likely to make a mistake than you. That being said, apparently balancing a check book is a grown up thing that I'm supposed to do. I got it, shame on me.
In a related topic, I'm also very bad at knowing when things are/ where things are happening. In my defense, I've been getting better at this (I recently bought a planner (gasp!)). However, if you ask me when someone's birthday is or when taxes are due my response is usually: "I don't know, some time in April." For example, I'm graduating from college this spring and whenever someone asks me when my graduation is, I'm always like: "Possibly May. I think. I'm pretty sure it's May." Since I have a lot of friends who are also graduating, I figure that someone will remind me that I'm graduating before it actually happens. I hope.
Continuing in the college theme, I'm also very bad at cooking. Actually, that's a lie. It's not that I lack the ability to cook or follow a recipe, I'm just too lazy to do either of those things. As soon as something involves chopping, peeling, or measuring, I'm just like: "remind me again why I can't have Cheez-Its for dinner." Cheez-Its are pre-cooked and, I don't know if you know this, but they contain 2% of your daily Vitamin A intake -- you're welcome for the meal tips. Plus, as I said before, I have only one plate (two bowls though -- be impressed), so I can't get too creative with food.
Part of the aversion to cooking is also an aversion to going to the grocery store. I don't like going to the grocery store because it involves driving, which is the single thing that I hate most in the world. This is mostly because I'm bad at driving, which is something adults are supposed to be good at. I can't park between two cars, parallel park, change lanes on the highway (I mean, I have, but usually in a way that puts me within an inch of death), and I always forget which side of the car the gas thingy is on. So, yeah, public transportation is my jam.
I am good at doing laundry and sewing buttons, though. So, yeah, I've got that going for me.
Just sayin'
Update: My friend Kira wrote a response to this blog, which you should check out!
First of all, I'm terrible at making phone calls. Jenna Marbles talked about this too, so I think it might be a generational thing. Whenever I make a phone call, I go through a couple of steps: 1) try to convince someone else to make the call, 2) delay making the call as long as possible, 3) spend at least half and hour mentally preparing to make the call, and 4) actually making the call. Consequently, I'm also really bad at answering the phone. I never answer the phone if it's a number I don't know (which means I miss a lot of important calls) and, half the time, if it's a number I know, I ignore the call and text the person to ask why they're calling me. There's a telephone in the office I share at work and I never answer it (partly because I don't really know how to answer it) but mostly because I just have no idea what to say when I pick up a phone. I mean, seriously, what do you say when you answer a phone? Hello? That's so 90s.
Jenna Marbles also talked about how she's bad at answering the door. Coincidentally, I'm also bad at answering the door. Unless I invited someone over, I typically don't like to answer the door. In my defense, there's no peephole on the door in my apartment, so I could be opening the door for an ax murderer for all I know. But, even when I'm in a regular house, I don't usually answer the door because it's usually either Mormons (I don't want to be converted, thank you very much) or neighbors who want you to buy cookies from their child (even worse). I think millennials are just bad at human interaction. I would much prefer to have someone email me when they're outside my house. That seems more efficient, don't you think?
Another thing that is very efficient is online banking, which is why I have never once balanced my check book. Adults (and when I say adults I mean real adults, not me) always seem to be freaking out about this, but I really don't get it. If I want to know how much money is in my checking account, I log on to online banking. I don't understand why I would use a calculator and do math to find out how much money I have when the computer can tell me so easily. The computer is just better at that sort of thing; it shows you all your pending transactions and your scheduled transactions and all the checks you wrote and cashed. When someone gets all concerned that their check book is off, I always tell them to check their online banking because, let's be real, the computer is far less likely to make a mistake than you. That being said, apparently balancing a check book is a grown up thing that I'm supposed to do. I got it, shame on me.
In a related topic, I'm also very bad at knowing when things are/ where things are happening. In my defense, I've been getting better at this (I recently bought a planner (gasp!)). However, if you ask me when someone's birthday is or when taxes are due my response is usually: "I don't know, some time in April." For example, I'm graduating from college this spring and whenever someone asks me when my graduation is, I'm always like: "Possibly May. I think. I'm pretty sure it's May." Since I have a lot of friends who are also graduating, I figure that someone will remind me that I'm graduating before it actually happens. I hope.
Continuing in the college theme, I'm also very bad at cooking. Actually, that's a lie. It's not that I lack the ability to cook or follow a recipe, I'm just too lazy to do either of those things. As soon as something involves chopping, peeling, or measuring, I'm just like: "remind me again why I can't have Cheez-Its for dinner." Cheez-Its are pre-cooked and, I don't know if you know this, but they contain 2% of your daily Vitamin A intake -- you're welcome for the meal tips. Plus, as I said before, I have only one plate (two bowls though -- be impressed), so I can't get too creative with food.
Part of the aversion to cooking is also an aversion to going to the grocery store. I don't like going to the grocery store because it involves driving, which is the single thing that I hate most in the world. This is mostly because I'm bad at driving, which is something adults are supposed to be good at. I can't park between two cars, parallel park, change lanes on the highway (I mean, I have, but usually in a way that puts me within an inch of death), and I always forget which side of the car the gas thingy is on. So, yeah, public transportation is my jam.
I am good at doing laundry and sewing buttons, though. So, yeah, I've got that going for me.
Just sayin'
Update: My friend Kira wrote a response to this blog, which you should check out!
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