Friendly Drunks Part 2: St. Patrick's Eve Edition

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So, as you all know, today is St. Patrick's Day, which is like the second St. Patrick's Day that Penn State celebrates, after State Patty's day and, actually, as far as most people at PSU are concerned, they're exactly the same. Basically that just means that everyone gets a second chance to wear their green t-shirts and light up shamrock necklaces and burst out into spontaneous bag-piping (which, ironically is more of a Scottish thing) and everyone gets just as drunk as they did before. Anyway, my best friend and I took this opportunity to ride Penn State's white loop last night and observe the festivities. My friend also wrote a blog about this, so check it out if you want (http://coffeeyogaandlifesothernecessities.blogspot.com). Consider it a sociological experiment, this is the data we uncovered, in the form of a short play. I call it Friendly Drunks 2: This Bus is in Motion.

***

Scene 1: Concerned Drunks
My friend and I get on the CATA bus, as we sit down, the bus starts to move.

Drunk guy 1: Don't move while the bus is in motion!

Drunk guy 2: Dude, I think they know

Drunk guy 1: I'm just looking out for your safety

Scene 2: The Bagpiper
Guy in a kilt with bagpipes gets on the bus, crowded with hordes of drunk people.

Drunk girl: Whoa! Cool! Play me a tune! Play me a tune!

Bagpiper: Ok, I will.

He procedes to play a song on his bagpipes. Bus erupts into shouting, hand clapping, and foot stomping. The song ends.

Entire bus: WE WANT MORE! WE WANT MORE!

Bagpiper: Okay, but before I continue, I owe my roomate $30 in weed money, so tips are appreciated.

Drunken frat guy: Yo, I like this guy, yo! I got his tip.

He whips out his wallet and hilarity ensues.

Scene 3: Digging for Gold
Two drunk girls and a guy sit down behind us.

Drunk guy: You guys are doin' really good. I've been going since 2:00 [2:00 pm]. We went pre-gameing at Mary's...oh, and we went pre-gaming at Kathy's....

Drunk girl 1: Why couldn't we come!

Drunk guy: Sorry, I didn't know you guys were down.

Drunk girl 1: We're always down for drinks! I think I really embarassed myself tonight...

Drunk guy: I promise you, no one's gonna f***in' remember tommorow.

Drunk girl 1: Maybe we should go back to that party....*insert random guy name here* was at that party.

Drunk girl 2: That party got busted!

Drunk girl 1: That party got busted!? Awwww, I love *insert random guy name here*, I would tottally hook up with him if I didn't think he was gay.

Drunk girl 2: I don't think he's gay.

Drunk guy: He acts really feminine, like he knows about cheer-leading and stuff, but I heard he hooked up with *insert random girl name here*.

Drunk girl 1: Really?!

Drunk guy: Yeah, I hooked up with *insert random girl name here*, I thought she was digging for gold in my throat. If you want to be gay, just be gay.

Scene 4: The Two Jules 
Two drunk girls named Julie get on the bus. 

Jules 1: Oh my God, you're name is Julie?

Jules 2:  Yeah!

Jules 1: THAT'S MY NAME TOO! Do people call you Jules?

Jules 2: Yeah!

Jules 1: THEY CALL ME JULES TOO! Do people call you Julia?

Jules 2: Ugh, yeah!

Jules 1: ME TOO! DON'T YOU HATE THAT! It's like, they have a vowel at the end of their name! E is so much better than A. [To other friends] You have no idea what it's like to be named Jules! [To Jules 2] Like no one gets us! WE'RE SO UNIQUE! JULES UNITE! [To her boyfriend] You don't understand me because I'm a Jules!

Jules 2: Us Jules have to stick together!

Three minutes later.

Jules 1: F*** this red light! You don't get this, cuz I'm Jules!

Jules 2: We should like hang out sometime.

Jules 1: Like yeah! Where do you live? [Incoherent answer] I LIVE THERE TOO! OH MY GOD, YOU'RE LIKE MY BEST FRIEND.

Jules 1's boyfriend: We get off here.

They stand up to get off the bus.

Jules 1 [singing] : I'm gonna go see Jule! You're Jule! No, no, my best friend Jule!

Scene 5: Gender Confused 
Three girls and two guys sit down across from us on the bus. 

Guy 1: Where are we getting off?

Guy 2: Frat row.

Guy 1: Can we get in?

Guy 2: Yeah, since I'm bringing like three girls, he said I'd get into the Frat.

Guy 1: Um...I'm not a girl.

Drunk girl: I'm a girl...I think.

Scene 6: Can I Touch Your Hair?
Two girls and a guy get on the bus and sit down behind us.

Both girls [singing]: Oooh Oooh Oh Oh Oh, We are Penn State!

Drunk girl 1 [shout]: We are Penn State! We are!

No one responds with the customary 'Penn State'.

Drunk girl 1 [to us]: You guys hear us, right? Just scream Penn State after us ok?

Us: Okay.

Drunk girl 1: We are!

Us: Penn State!

Drunk girl 1: We are!

Us: Penn State!

Slightly buzzed guy: No one cares! 

Drunk girl 1 [to my friend]: I love your hair!

Friend: Thanks. 

Drunk girl 1 [grabbing her hair]: Your hair is awesome, can I just touch it?

Sober-ish girl 2 [to drunk girl 1]: Stop disturbing the people in front of you!

Drunk girl 1 [giggling]: Okay, no one here is drunk because drinking underage is illegal.

One and a half minutes later.

Drunk girl 1 [to my friend]: I love your hair...can I just pinch it? Like, look at it! It's so awesome!

Sober-ish girl 2 [to my friend] : I actually apologize for her touching your hair.

Friend: It's okay.

Drunk girl 1 [to me]: Will you take a picture of us?

Me: Sure.

I take the picture with her iPhone, then give it back.

Drunk girl 1: What's your name?

Me: Maria.

Drunk girl 1: She looks like an Elise. Doesn't she look like an Elise?

Slightly buzzed guy: She's looks like a Maria.

Drunk girl 1: You look like an Elise!

Sober-ish girl 2: Really, I'm so, so sorry.

Drunk girl 1 breaks out into fits of giggles. My friend and I get off the bus at the next stop.

***

Whoever said you couldn't play bagpipes on a moving bus?

Just sayin'

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