The Best of Drunk Voldemort

So, the other night I was playing Cards Against Humanity with a group of my friends and somehow we got on to the topic of drunk Voldemort (it's not as weird as it sounds because a lot of our make-your-own cards have something to do with Voldemort; that's as weird as it sounds).

I mean, he is an evil man in evil clothes (extra points if you get the reference), so I think it's resonable to suppose that he's not shy about drinking. I think if you're the most evil wizard in the world, sometimes you're just like, "you know what, I'm Voldemort, I do what I want". So you can bet that Voldemort gets hammered. I did a little investigating and found that this was indeed the case. Fortunately, I'm BFFs with Nagini and Nagini has access to Voldemort's phone. I give you, the best Voldemort drunk texts:

Actually, it looks like Voldemort drinks a lot. Apparently he likes tequila, which is weird because I would have pegged him for a margarita guy.

Voldemort's alcoholism can be traced to the founding of the Death Eater order. But it also helped him get over his fear of snakes, so it's a mixed bag.

Apparently, the brutal murder of the Potters seemed like such a good idea at the time...

But it seemed like less of a good idea in the light of day.

The love saga of Voldemort and Bellatrix continues...still a better love story than Twilight. 

Just sayin'