Where Does Voldemort Live?
So this has been bugging me for about ten years...
One of the great unanswered questions of the Harry Potter series remains unanswered to this day: where does Voldemort live?
I think this is an important detail to be omitted from the books because, if you think about it, it would have been much easier for Harry to kill Voldemort if he knew where he lived. Harry could have snuck up on him in the middle of the night while he was sleeping or something. Whatever, JK Rowling, I don't want to write your plots for you, but that should have been a consideration.
Like, we see Voldemort at Malfoy Manor once, and there's that whole scene in the Riddle Mansion, not to mention the rumors that he's living in a forest somewhere, but where does Voldemort actually live? Like, I don't care if you're the Dark Lord or not, you still need a place to eat your breakfast cereal and bathe and brush your teeth. Just because you're evil, that's no excuse for bad hygiene.
I like to imagine Voldemort living in a bungalow. It would be a little place, just a few rooms. (Voldemort has to be careful about his heating and cooling costs because leading a murderous gang of evil doers doesn't pay as well as you would think). A lot of people think that Voldemort lives in some sort of castle, Count Chocula style, but I think that all that Gothic would get boring after a while. To misquote Eddie Izzard, Voldemort just longs for a bungalow.
Of course, there would have to be a comfortable living room for all his Death Eater, Let's-Kill-Harry-Potter meetings (think dictator chic), and there would have to be a kitchen, with a table and a seat for Nagini. I don't know what a chair for a snake would look like, but I'm sure Voldy could figure it out. I'm sure he could call Super Villain Lair Interior Decorators if he needed too. He and Nagini could have plenty of romantic dinners around their reclaimed barn wood dining room table. #VoldemortCaresAboutTheEnvironment
Also, because Voldemort has a physical body, I assume he has to sleep.
Even if he doesn't need to sleep, Voldemort would still need a bed to display his Edward-Cullen-The-Twilight-Saga throw cushions. JK, Voldemort is totally Team Jacob. Anyway, I imagine Voldemort's bedroom to be sort of like Superman's Fortress of Solitude. It would be a place for Voldemort to relax and unwind after a long day of murder and torture. Not to mention, Voldemort would need a place to hang his Justin Timberlake posters. (Voldemort's favorite song is SexyBack, but when he sings it at Death Eater karaoke, he changes the words to EvilBack). That's right, there are Death Eater karaoke nights; they take place in Voldemort's den. Sometimes the Malfoys brings snacks (Narcissa likes to bake) and Bellatrix makes margaritas. Then they take turns singing different JT hits (once Lucius Malfoy tried to sing something by One Direction, but Voldy put a stop to that).
Just because Voldemort's a mass murderer doesn't mean he can't have good taste in music).
Just sayin'
One of the great unanswered questions of the Harry Potter series remains unanswered to this day: where does Voldemort live?
I think this is an important detail to be omitted from the books because, if you think about it, it would have been much easier for Harry to kill Voldemort if he knew where he lived. Harry could have snuck up on him in the middle of the night while he was sleeping or something. Whatever, JK Rowling, I don't want to write your plots for you, but that should have been a consideration.
Like, we see Voldemort at Malfoy Manor once, and there's that whole scene in the Riddle Mansion, not to mention the rumors that he's living in a forest somewhere, but where does Voldemort actually live? Like, I don't care if you're the Dark Lord or not, you still need a place to eat your breakfast cereal and bathe and brush your teeth. Just because you're evil, that's no excuse for bad hygiene.
I like to imagine Voldemort living in a bungalow. It would be a little place, just a few rooms. (Voldemort has to be careful about his heating and cooling costs because leading a murderous gang of evil doers doesn't pay as well as you would think). A lot of people think that Voldemort lives in some sort of castle, Count Chocula style, but I think that all that Gothic would get boring after a while. To misquote Eddie Izzard, Voldemort just longs for a bungalow.
Of course, there would have to be a comfortable living room for all his Death Eater, Let's-Kill-Harry-Potter meetings (think dictator chic), and there would have to be a kitchen, with a table and a seat for Nagini. I don't know what a chair for a snake would look like, but I'm sure Voldy could figure it out. I'm sure he could call Super Villain Lair Interior Decorators if he needed too. He and Nagini could have plenty of romantic dinners around their reclaimed barn wood dining room table. #VoldemortCaresAboutTheEnvironment
Also, because Voldemort has a physical body, I assume he has to sleep.
Even if he doesn't need to sleep, Voldemort would still need a bed to display his Edward-Cullen-The-Twilight-Saga throw cushions. JK, Voldemort is totally Team Jacob. Anyway, I imagine Voldemort's bedroom to be sort of like Superman's Fortress of Solitude. It would be a place for Voldemort to relax and unwind after a long day of murder and torture. Not to mention, Voldemort would need a place to hang his Justin Timberlake posters. (Voldemort's favorite song is SexyBack, but when he sings it at Death Eater karaoke, he changes the words to EvilBack). That's right, there are Death Eater karaoke nights; they take place in Voldemort's den. Sometimes the Malfoys brings snacks (Narcissa likes to bake) and Bellatrix makes margaritas. Then they take turns singing different JT hits (once Lucius Malfoy tried to sing something by One Direction, but Voldy put a stop to that).
Just because Voldemort's a mass murderer doesn't mean he can't have good taste in music).
Just sayin'
"He just longs for a bungalow." Literal LOL. And yes, evil needs a good resting place as much as the next person.
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