Just Sayin'

With 2015 drawing to a close, I've decided to start a new beauty blog called The Loch Ness Monster Likes Makeup Too (because, you know, that's a true fact). As anyone who reads my blog knows, I'm a big fan of things like nail polish and makeup (see exhibit A , exhibit B , and exhibit C ). So, whenever I find myself talking about one particular subject a lot on my blog, I like to start a new blog about that particular subject. In this case, I'm starting this blog because, shockingly, not everyone is as obsessed with makeup as I am. So, if you love makeup as much as I do, you can join me at The Loch Ness Monster Likes Makeup Too , and, if you don't, hopefully you'll continue to follow me here on this blog. I've linked to my new blog at the top of the page or, you can view it here . So, come join me (and the Loch Ness monster) and learn about makeup. Just sayin'

This is completely irrelevant and nonsensical, but it needs to be said: Christmas cookies are just regular cookies with green dye. I feel that there needs to be a public service announcement about this. A couple of days ago, I set out to make some Christmas cookies -- no big deal right? Well! I was shocked and chagrined to find that Christmas cookies are made out of sugar, flour, and eggs just like regular cookies. There was no Christmas spirit in the recipe! There were no jingle bells! There was no tinsel! There wasn't even any reindeer blood (although I don't know if I could get that at Trader Joe's). Christmas cookies are hiding behind a veer of green food dye and festive frosting. I thought that Christmas cookies were full of jolliness and magic. Turns out, I was wrong. You could make Christmas cookies in July and they would be the exact same thing. I feel so betrayed. Just sayin'

As many of you know, I have an unhealthy obsession with cosmetic products, but that's okay because I'm not alone. The Loch Ness Monster also has an unhealthy obsession with cosmetics -- it turns out, it really isn't easy to be green. With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to hear what the Loch Ness Monster has to say about current beauty trends -- Nessie is, after all, the world's foremost underwater makeup artist. Fortunately for all of us, Nessie has taken the time to write out her best beauty tips because, really, who doesn't want to have the Lake Monster look (I hear it's all the rage in Paris). 1) Storage: Storage is the most important part of your cosmetic collection. If you don't store your makeup, it will probably get eaten by a lake shark or something like that (JK, there are no more lake sharks -- I ate them!) I like to keep my makeup in a shallow cave at the bottom of the lake. It's a good place to keep makeup because all of the sludge...

So, in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy series, there's this subplot where the mice secretly created planet earth as one big experiment so that they could observe the way human culture developed. I've always been a little skeptical of this idea. I  mean, if mice were really ruling the world, would they be living in floor boards and getting killed by cats? That seems a little far fetched to me. No, I have it figured out, the pandas are our true over lords. You may laugh at this theory. You may say, "but what about the dolphins? Surely the dolphins are smarter than the pandas?" Well, when was the last time you saw a panda get stuck in a tuna net? If you think about it, it's really quite logical. When was the last time you saw a panda lift anything heavier than a piece of bamboo? Just about every panda on the planet has a team of a least three panda keepers and panda vets around them at all times. Pandas don't have to find their own food, clean their own ...

So, I don't know if you know this, but I'm a pretty serious internet fashion commentator (translation: I once wrote a blog about Disney outfits; you should read it ). Now, I haven't really done any commentary in a while, but I have an excuse: I was watching Game of Thrones -- enough said. Anyway, now that season five is over, I have nothing to do for ten months except wait for the next season of Game of Thrones and dream about who's going to get the ax this time -- and comment on their clothes. I recently realized that I've commented on pretty much every aspect of Game of Thrones ( I have a whole separate blog about it ), but I've never really talked about the fashion. This seems like a huge oversight to me because Game of Thrones is both a triumph of costuming and a complete fashion failure -- depending on which character you're talking about. Thus I've decided to present you a list of the best dressed in Westeros (from worst to best). The Sand...

Here's what I want to know: why is it acceptable for people to go on the internet and deny the existence of the Loch Ness Monster and then turn around and say that the plot of Jurassic Park is possible ? As much as I would like a pet triceratops, it seems as though science has pretty successfully disproved the plot of Jurassic Park . (Let's all take a minute to shed a tear for the live-action version of Land Before Time that will never happen). The Loch Ness Monster, however, is totally real. Seriously, raptors that can open doors? That seems a little far fetched, don't you think? The idea of a modern day dinosaur just doesn't have the down-to-earth veracity of a slimy, cold blooded lake monster living in a cold and slimy lake. BTW,  I say slimy, cold blooded lake monster in the most loving way possible. In fact, I'm good friends with Nessie.  May I take a moment to remind you all that Nessie wrote into this very blog seven months ago? Actually, for that matter...

So, with father's day this weekend a lot of people are taking to the Internet to share lovely, heart warming stories about their fathers. I think that's great, but, sometimes, those stories can get a little boring after a while (to quote Tolstoy: "happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way"). So, instead in honor of father's day, I thought I would offer a tribute to the most disastrous fathers in Game of Thrones . If you're unfamiliar with Game of Thrones , this is a big category because there are a ton of horrible parents on the show. I've managed to narrow it down to ten: 10. Eddard Stark - Ned is arguably one of the best fathers on Game of Thrones . He's generally fair and caring, however, his actions have put his kids in extremely perilous positions. Let's not forget that it was Ned's obsession with honor that caused started the War of Five Kings, which led to his son Robb's death. Furtherm...

Those Eyebrows Though As you know, I have strong opinions about eyebrows . I also have strong opinons about Game of Thrones. Usually, those two things do not intersect, but today they do. Let's not dance around the issue here: Daenerys Targaryen has weird eyebrows. (If you don't watch Game of Thrones , this probably is total nonsense to you. In case you're interested, Daenerys Targaryen is one of the show's main characters. She is descended from a royal line that originated in Valyria. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books , Valyrians have very distinctive physical features: white hair and purple eyes. In the show, Daenerys (aka Dany) has white hair (a wig) but her eyebrows are dark brown -- mostly because the actress' natural hair is dark brown.) Anyway, if you watch Game of Thrones at all you know that Dany looks great in almost every episode and she's completely gorgeous and beautiful. However, the weirdness of her eyebrows is unavoidable. I know it,...

So, lately I've been hearing a lot of hype about Jurassic World . Everyone's like: "You have to see it! You can barely even spot the fake dinosaurs!" Now, I haven't seen Jurassic World , but I don't really need to because I've seen this movie before. Here's how it goes: "We've created dinosaurs, but don't worry, they're completely safe. Timmy, look at the cute little dinosaur! Touch it! Pet it! Ride it! Oh, it bit your finger off? We can fix that! It bit your head off? That might be a problem. The dinosaur is on the loose and killing everyone? Who could have seen that coming?" Me. I could have seen that coming because I saw Jurassic Park , The Lost World , and Jurassic Park III . Don't get me wrong, I like Chris Pratt and I'm sure Jurassic World is a lovely movie with great special effects and awesome theme music, but those other films gave me some clue that a dinosaur theme park was not a good idea. There are two th...

So, after last night's finale of  Game of Thrones , I noticed a ton of awesome Yaks about the episode (because, you know, Yik Yak really has its finger on the pulse of the nation). In honor of the end of season five, I decided to share my favorite Yaks with you (and yes, one or two of them are mine): Some people were concerned for their personal safety: Others faced an existential crisis: One helpful yak-er offered a succinct summary of the past season: Many expressed *some* frustration: Some questioned everything: Others offered helpful tips: Others needed help themselves: While others tried to put things into perspective: Of course, there were the obligatory 'Winter is Coming' jokes: Some consoled themselves with hopes of resurrection:  While others mourned for Jon Snow: Meanwhile, some had kind words for Th...