Just Sayin'

The other day I was walking outside at night and I noticed a really bright star and I thought, "huh, maybe that's a planet...maybe that's Venus...or Pluto." Now, I know you can't really see Pluto in the night sky, but, as far as I'm concerned, Pluto is still a planet. I listen to scientists about most things, like global warming and zika virus, but I'm choosing to ignore science here. Pluto is a planet and that's final. It's like, if I see a long necked dinosaur in a museum, I'm going to call in a Brontosaurus. People will be like, "oh no, it's a scientific name-latin-thingymajig," and I'll be like "yeah, yeah, it looks like a Brontosaurus to me." That's how I feel about Pluto. Like, if we had to get rid of a planet, why did it have to be Pluto? It should have been Uranus. Uranus is a joke anyway. Pluto was a good planet. A serious planet. I feel that making it into a dwarf planet wasn't fair to Pluto. ...

So, last night my roommate and I went grocery shopping for the first time in about a month. What were we eating for that month we didn't go grocery shopping you may ask? Mostly Chinese food and chocolate milk. Anyway, someone told us that if you eat Chinese take out more than three times a week, you have a problem, so we decided to go grocery shopping. You know, like grownups. Anyway, when you don't go grocery shopping in a month, the supermarket becomes this magical place where you can find all sorts of exotic foods you didn't even know existed, like lettuce and canned tuna. Because of this, I've decided to write a short play about our experiences in the mystical land of grocery store. You're welcome. *** Scene 1: The Empty Refrigerator Enter two roommates. They are in the kitchen of their apartment, looking in the refrigerator. Roommate 1: How is it possible that we have no food? Roommate 2: We don't have no food. Look, there's some soy sauce.....

What a Beautiful Young Nose So, I have a theory that Voldemort's nose is the most interesting character in the Harry Potter series.  Think about it, it was around in the Chamber or Secrets flashbacks and then, all of the sudden, it was gone! The story of Voldemort's nose leaves so many questions unanswered. Where did it go when it left Voldemort's face? How did Voldemort survive without a nose? How did his nose feel about that? I decided to write a short play to answer those questions. (Also, today is Lord Voldemort's birthday, so happy birthday to the most evil wizard to ever live, I hope you don't get your wish when you blow out your candles). *** Scene 1: Life of a Nose Enter a Nose, it is a pale nose, very pointy and sad. Nose: To sneeze or not to sneeze, that is the question. [Dramatic pause] I had a face once - a great and terrible face. The face of Voldemort. He was so evil; I was proud to be a part of that face. When I was on that face, I was...

So, as you all know, today is St. Patrick's Day, which is like the second St. Patrick's Day that Penn State celebrates, after State Patty's day and, actually, as far as most people at PSU are concerned, they're exactly the same. Basically that just means that everyone gets a second chance to wear their green t-shirts and light up shamrock necklaces and burst out into spontaneous bag-piping (which, ironically is more of a Scottish thing) and everyone gets just as drunk as they did before. Anyway, my best friend and I took this opportunity to ride Penn State's white loop last night and observe the festivities. My friend also wrote a blog about this, so check it out if you want ( http://coffeeyogaandlifesothernecessities.blogspot.com ). Consider it a sociological experiment, this is the data we uncovered, in the form of a short play. I call it Friendly Drunks 2: This Bus is in Motion . *** Scene 1: Concerned Drunks My friend and I get on the CATA bus, as we sit d...

As those of you who go to Penn State know, last weekend was State Patty's day. For those of you who do not go to Penn State, State Patty's day is PSU's version of Saint Patty's day which is basically like any other Saturday in a college town (use your imagination) except for everyone wears green. Anyway,  on Saturday night, two of my friends and I were going to a concert so we took the bus across campus. Most of my friends and I do not participate in State Patty's but, it's always great fun to sit quietly on the blue loop and observe the intoxicated. Not that anyone was black out drunk or anything, at least not when we saw them; most people were just buzzed enough to be talkative and quite funny. Without further ado, I present to you a series of vignettes or a very short play, depending on how you want to look at it, entitled Friendly Drunks (based on a true story). *** Scene 1 On a CATA bus. Enter drunk girl, being supported by two friends. Drunk girl...