Just Sayin'

So, right now in America, the government has been shut down due to some controversial and polarizing issues. Obviously, everyone is very upset and things are starting to get messy and frustrating. So, to lighten the mood, I'm going to address another controversial and polarizing issue (because, you know, controversy is a barrel full of monkeys): Who is the best Avenger ? Now, this is a difficult question because all of the Avengers have redeeming characteristics; I mean, they're Avengers for a reason. You have to be some kind of awesome, genetically enhanced, genius, deity before they let you in; except for Hawk Eye, who spent most of the movie following Loki around like a zombie (and that's why no one likes him anymore). So, it's really hard to say who is the best Avenger. It's an extremely personal decision. For example, one of my friends says that Captain America is her favorite Avenger because he was the first Avenger. And, like, you have to give prop...

I adore The Avengers as much as the next person, but one member of the Avenger team who has been bothering me for a while is Thor. Like, don't get me wrong, I have full appreciation of Chris Hemsworth and all his beauty, but, and I hate to break it to the world, Thor is not a superhero . In case you weren't aware, Thor is actually a mythical deity in ancient, Norse culture. Following in the tradition of Indo-European religions, Thor is a storm god (like Zeus), associated with thunder, lightning, and his famous hammer, Mjollnir. So, understandably, he makes a good superhero. I'm all for the appreciation of world mythology, of course, and I've been trying to read more mythology myself, but I'm sort of annoyed with Marvel for co-opting Thor.  Like, it's the same thing as when Disney came out with Hercules and everyone was complaining that they the original, Greek mythology didn't match up. It's the same thing with Norse mythology, everyone's like...

So, about a week ago, I saw the new Iron Man movie, Iron Man 3 , and, even though I have a long standing allegiance to Spider-Man, I have to say, it made Iron Man one of my favorite superheroes. And you all know how I feel about Spider-Man. I think that Iron Man is such a likeable character because he's not perfect. He doesn't even actually have super powers; he's human. Like, if you see Iron Man in the supermarket, you can be all "hey Tony - double stuffed Oreos? Good choice - so much better than regular stuffed", but, if you saw Superman in the supermarket, it would be really weird and awkward and he would be all like "excuse me, do you know if this cereal contains kryptonite?" and I would be like O_o. But, that sort of thing doesn't happen with Iron Man because Iron Man understands people. I mean, he's not really a people person, but he is a person who understands people. The problem with Superman is that he's so super, he doesn't ...

So, I recently saw Spider-Man 2 (from the original series) on television and, I've got to say, compared to the Amazing Spider-Man , it was kind of disappointing. And I'm not saying that just because Tobey Maguire is short and says things like 'gee' (although, don't get me wrong, that is a problem). Actually, I was really bothered by Mary Jane's portrayal in the movie, and, actually, in all of the other original Spider-Man movies. Just waiting to be saved It's not just that her hair is obviously dyed and she has horrible taste in blouses, she's just such a flat character. I mean, really, a howler monkey could play her part. All she does is stand around and scream and wait to be rescued. Not to mention that, in Spider-Man 2 , she gets engaged essentially just to spite Peter Parker and ends up leaving her fiancee at the altar. Obviously, she's not a terribly encouraging character from a feminist perspective. Take the third movie, it's been a w...

So, here's the problem with going to superhero movies, you go into the movie feeling like a normal person and when you leave you feel like the Energizer bunny. Maybe it's the dramatic, gonna-go-save-the-world music, but seriously, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. All of the sudden you're ready to run across the country and lift cars off of small children. I call this phenomenon The Spiderman Effect. Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for daring rescues and such, just don't try jumping off any buildings because I'm pretty sure that, unless you know Tinker Bell, you're just going to go splat on the sidewalk. Please, please, please, don't go splat on the sidewalk. They're are so many more constructive routes through which to channel your energy. I mean, when I'm feeling ambitious I memorize irregular verb conjugations, I don't go out and stop a train. Leave that to the real superheros. Just sayin'

So, following in my theme of superhero related blogs this week, I would like to take a few minutes to discuss Batman. Because, let's me honest here, if the Justice League of America was a box and whisker plot, Batman would be the whisker. Batman is probably my favorite superhero, but he is also the most enigmatic and difficult to understand. He's not even technically a superhero; he's a rich guy with too much time on his hands. But seriously, there are so many questions about Batman that remain unanswered - where is Gotham city? Why is it always night time there? What does Batman eat for breakfast? How does he get all his hair under that tight, little hat? These are the hard hitting questions that need to be answered! But most importantly, who is Batman's love interest? Okay, maybe I haven't read the comic books or seen the right movies or TV shows, but it seems like Batman has some trouble with his love life. I don't know very much about Superman, but I ...

So, last night I saw the new Amazing Spiderman movie. To be honest, I was kinda contemptuous of the whole idea at first. I mean, I like to think that I don't buy in to the consumerist, mass produced action movie thing - turns out I do. Because let me tell you something, The Amazing Spiderman is called Amazing for a freakin' reason. But seriously, I'm a sucker for genetic mutants beating on each other and tearing up NYC. The more ludicrous the better. Plus, there's the whole alias thing - I feel real clever when the people in the movie are all like "hi Peter Parker" and I'm all like "that means he's Spiderman". Like a genius. But actually, it always shocks me that Batman can just cover is eyes with the little badger mask thing and nooooo one has any idea he's Bruce Wayne. Like, I was five when I first started watching the Batman cartoons and even I could figure that out. And Superman? You'd think that eventually someone would notic...