Just Sayin'

So, the other night I was playing Cards Against Humanity with a group of my friends and somehow we got on to the topic of drunk Voldemort (it's not as weird as it sounds because a lot of our make-your-own cards have something to do with Voldemort; that's as weird as it sounds). I mean, he is an evil man in evil clothes (extra points if you get the reference), so I think it's resonable to suppose that he's not shy about drinking. I think if you're the most evil wizard in the world, sometimes you're just like, "you know what, I'm Voldemort, I do what I want". So you can bet that Voldemort gets hammered. I did a little investigating and found that this was indeed the case. Fortunately, I'm BFFs with Nagini and Nagini has access to Voldemort's phone. I give you, the best Voldemort drunk texts: Actually, it looks like Voldemort drinks a lot. Apparently he likes tequila, which is weird because I would have pegged him for a margarita guy. ...

So this has been bugging me for about ten years... One of the great unanswered questions of the Harry Potter series remains unanswered to this day: where does Voldemort live?  I think this is an important detail to be omitted from the books because, if you think about it, it would have been much easier for Harry to kill Voldemort if he knew where he lived. Harry could have snuck up on him in the middle of the night while he was sleeping or something. Whatever, JK Rowling, I don't want to write your plots for you, but that should have been a consideration. Like, we see Voldemort at Malfoy Manor once, and there's that whole scene in the Riddle Mansion, not to mention the rumors that he's living in a forest somewhere, but where does Voldemort actually live ? Like, I don't care if you're the Dark Lord or not, you still need a place to eat your breakfast cereal and bathe and brush your teeth. Just because you're evil, that's no excuse for bad hygiene. I l...

So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr...

So, the other day I was in class zoning out diligently paying attention when I started thinking about the Deathly Hallows symbol. Considering that it only appeared in the last Harry Potter book ( Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows ), it's an incredibly popular symbol. For those that don't know, the Deathly Hallows symbol is a mark used in the Harry Potter books to refer to three items: The Elder Wand (the most powerful wand in the world), The Resurrection Stone, and The Invisibility Cloak. Taken together, these three items are supposed to make their possessor the master of death. Not surprisingly, these items are a major force in the books. Voldemort seeks the Elder Wand and even Dumbledore was at one time tempted to become the master of death. The symbol is also used to refer to the Tale of the Three Brothers, the supposed origin story of the Deathly Hallows. I see people walking around all the time with Deathly Hallows shirts and jewelry.  Like, I'm living Person...

What a Beautiful Young Nose So, I have a theory that Voldemort's nose is the most interesting character in the Harry Potter series.  Think about it, it was around in the Chamber or Secrets flashbacks and then, all of the sudden, it was gone! The story of Voldemort's nose leaves so many questions unanswered. Where did it go when it left Voldemort's face? How did Voldemort survive without a nose? How did his nose feel about that? I decided to write a short play to answer those questions. (Also, today is Lord Voldemort's birthday, so happy birthday to the most evil wizard to ever live, I hope you don't get your wish when you blow out your candles). *** Scene 1: Life of a Nose Enter a Nose, it is a pale nose, very pointy and sad. Nose: To sneeze or not to sneeze, that is the question. [Dramatic pause] I had a face once - a great and terrible face. The face of Voldemort. He was so evil; I was proud to be a part of that face. When I was on that face, I was...

So, I live in fear of several things, one: the zombie apocalypse, two: whales, and three: people who can't use semi-colons properly. But there is a fourth fear, a great fear that surpasses all other fears: the Harry Potter film remake. Now, before you freak out, let me just say that, as far as I know, there are no plans to remake the Harry Potter movies in the near future. But, let's be real here people, it's coming. If  Hollywood can remake The Wizard of Oz , perhaps one of the best known American film classics of all time, they can remake Harry Potter too. And I'm not even going to bring up the fact that someone actually managed to make Conan the Barbarian worse than the original; that took skill. I don't even want to talk about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory . Which means that a Harry Potter remake is actually quite conceivable. Like, I'm not saying it's going to happen today, or tomorrow. But in 10 or 20 years time, Warner Brothers is going to de...

So, I have this theory that literary villains always have the best hair. It seems to me that evil emits this low grade, humidity sapping energy that keeps hair from frizzing. A I think the Harry Potter films prove this. It's like, frizz is to conscientious to go running around with people like Voldemort. Actually, hair as a species is too conscientious to go running around with Voldemort which is why he doesn't have any. Think about it, in the books Harry is introduced as having hair that never lies flat. You see, Harry's hair is standing up straight with righteousness . (In the movies it's a different story because, while his hair looks like that for like the first 4-ish movies, after that, it gets weird and flat and it sort of looks like he has a bowl cut. Which, is bad hair in it's own, special way). Hermione is the same way. I mean, her hair is so frizzy that I think it's combined width is thicker than her waist. Her hair was so puffy because it was f...

I'm not sure if I've blogged about this before but, if I have, I'm going to blog about it again because it annoys me. Why is there so much prejudice against Slytherins? Like, I get that a lot of them went Death Eater and started chilling with Voldemort, but not all of them. Like Professor Slughorn, he's a Slytherin, but when we first meet him, he's disguised as an arm chair. How can you hate an arm chair? There's nothing threatening about that. Don't be a Death Eater Besides, all of that Voldemort stuff was over in the 90s. A lot of weird stuff happened in the 90s - overalls, neon, spandex, boy bands - I think it's time we moved past it. Let me just do a quick review for those of you who aren't up on your world events from the past twenty years. Voldemort was defeated for the first time on Halloween, 1981 (Muggle years). Let's call this the Interim Period (IP). In 1995, or 15 IP, let's call this the beginning of the Second Voldemortia...

So, I stumbled upon this picture the other day. As a Slytherin, I was kind of disturbed to have Roose Bolton on my house's quidditch team (but I like Margaery and Oberyn, so that's okay). Also, it's kind of weird to see Lannisters wearing green. It kind of makes me uncomfortable (not because they don't behave like Slytherins, but because their colors are red and gold which, ironically, are Gryffindor colors - the Lannisters are so not Gryffindors). But, anyway, the point is, I had no idea of the wild, weird world of Fandom Cross-Overs that was brewing right underneath the surface of my Tumblr account, and, actually, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I mean, I'm okay when they're making fun of Twilight , but sometimes, like, I just get confused.    Like, for example, you have no idea how long it took me to figure these out. Like, not that it's not cool that Tonks is on Game of Thrones; it's just one of those moments where your...

So, I just found out that Scholastic is coming out with new covers for all the Harry Potter books. I am completely outraged by this! I mean, who does Scholastic think they are, the publisher? I'm really not sure how I'm supposed to react to this. My first reaction was to drive over to Barnes and Noble and buy all the Harry Potter books with the old covers that they had in stock and then hide them under my bed in a fireproof lock-box. However, it was brought to my attention that this would be both very expensive and a little extreme. I don't know how anyone else feels about this, but I do, in fact, judge books by their covers. If I don't like the cover art, I will not buy the book, even if it's a text I really like, which is why I have a slight mistrust of buying books on Amazon, because the book they send you doesn't always match the picture. They could send you a copy of Macbeth with a picture of a grilled cheese sandwich on the cover, you just never know. ...

So, a genre of music that I don't think gets enough attention is Wrock. For those of you who don't know, Wrock is Wizard Rock - music based off of Harry Potter. And, despite what you might think, it is a serious genre of music. It's sort of within the vein of all those songs Led Zeppelin wrote about Lord of the Rings . Anyway, a lot of these bands stopped releasing music after the last book came out, but it's still great music to listen to if you like Harry Potter. There's a ton of really talented artists who write music about Harry Potter and they deserve some respect. So, because I think Wrock is so great, I decided to make a list of my favorite Wrock songs. Here it is: 1) The Boy who Lived by Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls  2) House Song by The Ministry of Magic 3) It's Not Half Bad by The Parselmouths  4) Don't Leave by The Ministry of Magic 5) Transparent by The Moaning Myrtles 6) I Believe in Nargles by The Whomping Willows  7) The ...

Before you say anything, I know I blog about Harry Potter a lot, you're all just going to have to get over it. So, as I do with a lot of things, I came a little late to the Harry Potter fandom. I'm not saying I just started reading the book yesterday or anything (actually, I've been reading them since I was like five) but, because I was quite young when all the books were coming out and the fandom was really taking shape, I'm really only truly experiencing it now. I mean, it's not like I didn't play potions as a kid or have the fake HP glasses or the Harry Potter Levitating Challenge game ('Focus' 'Keep Steady!' 'Concentrate!!!!!', but seriously, that was a tough game). Anyway, the sort of things I'm thinking about now are like fan art, Wizard rock, and fan fiction. Anyway, what brought this blog on was that I read this article ( http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/were-not-a-lost-generation-just-an-exposed-one/ ) and started to ...