Just Sayin'

I miss True Blood There's been a fang-shaped hole in my heart ever since True Blood ended this summer. I mean, you just don't get that sort of graphic violence, strong sexual content, and explicit language on network television. Fortunately, I stumbled across Netflix's token vampire/werewolf based drama Hemlock Grove and promptly watched every single episode in less than 48 hours. I don't think I've ever seen so much gore in my life and I watch Game of Thrones ! It was a magical experience. Anyway, I was about half way through the first episode and I was like "hey, self, doesn't the actor who plays Roman (the main character on Hemlock Grove ) remind you of someone," and then I was like, "yes, thanks for pointing that out; he reminds me of Eric from True Blood ." WELL. It turns out that the actor who plays Roman Godfrey, Hemlock Grove's compulsory brooding vampire with a six-pack, is actually Bill Skarsgard, the brother of Alex...

The one Time Bill was Well Dressed So, in honor of the final season of True Blood , I've decided to share my thoughts on True Blood fashion, because, let me tell you, vampires wear some brilliantly horrible clothes. And by brilliantly horrible, I just mean horrible. Like, take Bill for instance; Bill has not once, in seven seasons, had a decent outfit. The closest he got was the leather jacket he wore in season 2. I swear, for the entirety of season 1 he wore the same STUPID WHITE SHIRT. What is it with that shirt??? Sometimes it'll disappear for a few episodes or for an entire season, then it comes back out of NOWHERE! It's like, every time he takes two fashion steps forward, he then takes ten million steps back. For example, Bill dressed pretty well in seasons three and four. Then, in season five, he went back to the white shirt. Like, what?! It's like he has an on again/off again relationship with that style of shirt; It's basically a metaphor for his r...

So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr...

So, this semester, I'm taking a grammar class. Which, for me, as an English major, is actually quite interesting. Now before you start having punctuation nightmares, let me reassure you that I'm not going to start lecturing on the proper use of the semi-colon. For me, as an English major, this is actually quite an interesting class. For example, the other day we were talking about grading adjectives. In a nut shell, If you don't know, grading adjectives is when you assign some sort of value or degree to which a characteristic applies to an adjective. For example, you have the adjective 'big', but you also have 'biggest' and 'bigger'. When you change 'big'  to 'bigger', you are grading the adjective. Anyway, our professor was talking about the fact that not all adjectives could be graded, and the example he used was 'dead'. His point was that, once someone is dead, they're dead; they can't die again, they can't be...

Season 1 So, because all of my favorite tv-shows have ended for the year and there's still a few weeks before the new season of Downton Abbey airs, I decided to re-watch season one of True Blood . I forgot how much I liked season one; it's a very neat, self contained story. Anyway, it's made me realize that I hold rather a controversial opinion: I like Eric's hair in the first season. Because, apparently , I'm writing a series of blogs on fandom hairstyles. Like, not to say that I don't like his short hair style, but I never saw why no one liked his long hair style. I mean, he's a viking , he's supposed to have long hair. I mean, when was the last time you saw a viking with a buzz cut? And, I thought it really suited him. In the first season, Eric is such a mysterious character; you know next to nothing about him and he only really turns up when something serious and vampire-ish is going to happen. Whenever you see him, he's just like chillin...

Warning: Spoilers   You weren't kidding! So, I just saw the season finale of True Blood 's season 6. SO. MUCH. EMOTION. I don't even know where to start, so much has happened in this season! Infectious diseases? Wolf pack coups? Secret, government research facilities? Prepubescent fairies trying to buy alcohol? I bet that's something you never thought you'd see on TV. But seriously, that's all good stuff, man. Let me start by saying that I went into this season with the lowest of expectations. I mean, the show had been on a steady decline since season 4, but season 5 was an all time low. The authority plot was just all highbrow, beating you over the head with symbolism. Like, by the end of the season, I was like "I don't know who these 'authority' people are, I don't know what's going on, I have no idea what just happened, and I couldn't care less". Now, I'm like "I care so much"! The authority plot bro...

So, recently I was catching up on the new season of True Blood (season 6) and, I have to say, it's actually not horrible. Weird, right? After the disaster that was season 5, I was expecting season 6 to be as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys on crack, but it's actually much better than the last two seasons. And the previews for the new episodes look really promising. I think what happened to make season 5 so unpopular was that the creator's of the show got too bogged down in the whole 'Authority' plot, which no one liked. I mean, people don't watch True Blood to see how vampires interact with each other, they watch True Blood to see how vampires interact with humans. That's the point of the show. Season 4 wasn't as bad as season 5, but a lot of people disliked it because of the weird, witch plot that seemed kind of weird and forced and because, after Eric got his memories back, he turned into Mr. Sensitive. No one wants a sensitive Eric; the publi...

An open letter to Facebook, So, the other day I was talking to one of my friends on Facebook chat and I was telling her that I had just aquired a bag of Werther's Caramels and I thought, wouldn't it be great if Facebook had a vampire emote. Because, when you're sitting in your office with a big bag of candy, the only way to really express how you feel is with a smiling, vampire emoticon. I think it's shameful that there isn't a vampire emote. If there's a shark emote, penguin emote, robot emote, devil emote, a whole new page of cat emotes, and a Christopher Putnam emote, there should be a vampire emote. I think it would serve a desperate need. I mean, as a person who lives in Pennsylvania where the sun only shines in brief intervals between rain storms, a vampire emote is the perfect way to express how sunshine makes me feel. The sun, it burns . And I don't want to even go in to how many times a day garlic and silver come up in Facebook conversations! ...

So, here's the thing about vampires: if you really think about it, I mean, really think about what a vampire is, it's pretty terrifying. A vampire is a person that drinks your blood until you die. Bjorihoihgtroihrti! That's freaky! So, what I don't understand is why people are all like 'oh, Edward Cullen, he's so cute! I loooove him! I wish I was a hot vampire like Edward Cullen!'. And I'm like, 'no, no you don't, because then you'd be dead and you would be drinking people's blood and that's not good'. Like, I'm not criticizing vampires for being vampires, because, hey, life's tough and sometimes you become a vampire. But if you're a vampire, you should at least have the decency to be tortured about it. I mean, you're not supposed to be cheerful about being undead. Which is why I really miss good, old-fashioned vampire fiction, like Interview with the Vampire and the other books by Anne Rice. Let me just s...

So, as you may or may not be aware, we are now smack dab in the middle of what I like to call HBO season. When the moon and the stars all align, three of my favorite TV shows end up airing at the same time, well, give or take a week or two.  You've got your Game of Thrones , you've got your True Blood , and even a little of The Borgias (I guess that that's Showtime, but it's kind of the same thing), which are some of my favorite television shows. Even The Tudors used to be on HBO, if only it hadn't ended. I still maintain that they could have continued the show if they wanted to. I mean, there are other Tudors besides Henry VIII; if they wanted to, they could even start with Henry VII if they didn't want to continue the show after Henry VIII's death. I mean, that did put a bit of a damper on things. Even True Blood looks like it's winding down. If they were following the book series, which they're not, there could be as many as 13 seasons...

So, this is a thing I've noticed. I've seen quite a few vampire shows/movies and what not, and what bothers me the most is the fangs. Like, I'm a fan of True Blood , but when Bill's fangs first pop out in the first episode, I like died laughing. It just looks so fake! It's like ridiculously over done. It's not even scary! It looks like they're wearing Halloween, costume teeth. It's almost comical. Also, the fangs should be in the place of the canines. In True Blood , they're next to the front teeth. You can't bite with those teeth! That's what the canines are for. The most important teeth are the ones in the back of the mouth, for chewing and such. I know vampires don't chew, but the fangs still look very unnatural. I call this the Fang Phenomenon. The phenomenon in which every producer, director, and costume designer who works on any vampire movie anywhere loses their mind and decides to make the fangs look like someone stuck ch...

So, right now in my English class we're reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde and let me tell you something, I think Dorian Gray is a vampire. I mean, if there can be a Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, certainly there can be a Picture of Dorian Gray and Vampires, right? Anyway, there's tons of proof. Like, we know that Dorian Gray does all these horrible, scandalous things towards the middle of the book, but we're never told what they are. For all we know, he's out biting people! That's why everyone is so suspicious and wary of him. Maybe that's what really happened to Sibyl Vane O_o. Also, there's blood on the portrait, which is supposed to be a visual representation of his conscience, so, I don't know, put two and two together. Plus, I don't think we ever actually see Dorian eat normal food. And of course, most obviously, he doesn't age . Like seriously! If that doesn't spell vampire, I don't know what does; besides, he...

So, last night I saw Breaking Dawn part 2. Now, normally, this would be where I would be all "warning: contains spoilers"; but, I'm not going to say that because, if you're a real Twilight fan, I figure you'll see it anyway, no matter what I say. Besides, if you're a real fan, you were probably at the midnight premier and you read the books, so you know what happens anyway. So, it doesn't even matter, and, if you're not a fan, then you definitely don't care. Personally, I'm in the category of people who appreciate the Twilight films for the works of comedy that they are. She does not look like a child But there were a few things were just really weird. First of all, baby Renesmee did not look like a baby. You would think that one ultra-hot vampire and a supposedly attractive human would be able to produce a baby that did not look like a martian squirrel. I mean, I understand that she's a special baby and she grows quickly but that d...