Just Sayin'

So, I was reading this article about an elephant preserve in Florida (if someone wants to explain why that makes sense) and they were talking about the many virtues of the elephant species. Let me tell you something, I love elephants. Like, I don't think they're too many people in the world who dislike elephants, but I love elephants. I even have an elephant piggy bank! What an oxymoron. Anyway, the article was talking about the family values of the elephant culture and the way the matriarch elephants hold the herd together and I was so pleased that people are finally starting to realize how great elephants are! To quote the article: "They are family oriented. They're honest and straightforward. We should learn from them". It was about this point in the article that I realized something very important: elephants are the antithesis of octopi. If you read my blog regularly, you know that octopi really freak me out. It's partially the fact that they have n...

So, my roommate asked me to write a parody of Burred Lines that was about pumpkins (since she's basically on an all pumpkin diet). You're welcome. All you pumpkins get up! All you pumpkins get up! Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey If you're not a squash, if you're not a gourd If you're not a zucchini, if you're not a cucumber Maybe I'm making pie Maybe I'm carving a jack o' lantern Maybe I'm orange All you pumpkins get up OK now he was close, tried to carve you But you're an vegetable, baby, it's in your nature Just let me carve you Hey, hey, hey You don't need no squash Hey, hey, hey That gourd is not your gourd And that's why I'm gon' take a good gourd I know you want it I know you want it I know you want it You're a good gourd Can't let this pumpkin get past me You're far from squash Talk about getting carved I hate these pumpkin pies! I know you want it I know yo...

I realized something today. I think I might be a hipster. Like, yesterday, I was walking down the street wearing a wool beanie, my thick rim glasses, and my red converse shoes, listening to some Hendrix, and it hit me; I might be a hipster. Now, understandably, this is disconcerting for me, because I did not set out to be a hipster. It's not that I'm against hipsters or anything, but, it's like, if you spent all your life as a cow, trying to produce milk, and, all the sudden, someone says 'actually, you're a chicken, and you should be trying to produce eggs'. But, producing eggs sounds really difficult, especially if you don't like omelets. Like, if you're not trying to be an omelet, and you turn out to be an omelet, are you really an omelet, even if you feel like a pancake? That's how I feel (although, as a side note, if I was going to be a breakfast food, I would definitely be a muffin). Like, I thought the whole point of being a hipster was th...

So, right now in America, the government has been shut down due to some controversial and polarizing issues. Obviously, everyone is very upset and things are starting to get messy and frustrating. So, to lighten the mood, I'm going to address another controversial and polarizing issue (because, you know, controversy is a barrel full of monkeys): Who is the best Avenger ? Now, this is a difficult question because all of the Avengers have redeeming characteristics; I mean, they're Avengers for a reason. You have to be some kind of awesome, genetically enhanced, genius, deity before they let you in; except for Hawk Eye, who spent most of the movie following Loki around like a zombie (and that's why no one likes him anymore). So, it's really hard to say who is the best Avenger. It's an extremely personal decision. For example, one of my friends says that Captain America is her favorite Avenger because he was the first Avenger. And, like, you have to give prop...

So, the other day I read this article about how scientists collect ear wax from whales to learn about their lives and what sort of chemicals they were exposed to. Which, of course is very interesting from a scientific perspective, but my first thought was whales have ears ? Like, that puts an image in your head: a whale swimming along with big dumbo ears flapping against its head. I don't know about you, but I find that vaguely terrifying. I mean, I'm assuming they have internal ears, but it's still a really weird thought. And even if I accept that whales have ears, it still doesn't explain why they have ear wax. Like, I don't even understand why people have to have ear wax. So, I really don't understand why whales have to have ear wax. The only use I can think of for wax is as a candle and whales can't use candles because they live underwater . And it's not like it's a little bit of ear wax either; this article said that they extracted almost ...

So, since it seems that I'm on a the-English-language-is-weird kick this week, I'm going to talk about something that really bothers me: the discrepancies between English and American spelling. As you probably already know from my Spelling Shenanigans blog, I sort of suck at spelling. My feeling is that, because it's been scientifically proven that as long as a word begins and ends with the correct letter and has the right letters in between, a native speaker can read it without a problem. So why do we care so much about spelling. I mean, when I'm typing, I obviously use spell check, but if I'm writing something by hand, I just sort of make some circles and loops in the middle of the word and hope that they can pass for an L or an I or whatever is supposed to be there and hope for the best. And, it's not just me; English spellings were standardized until fairly recently, in the history of the language that is. Like, even Shakespeare's spelling was pretty ...

So, this semester, I'm taking a grammar class. Which, for me, as an English major, is actually quite interesting. Now before you start having punctuation nightmares, let me reassure you that I'm not going to start lecturing on the proper use of the semi-colon. For me, as an English major, this is actually quite an interesting class. For example, the other day we were talking about grading adjectives. In a nut shell, If you don't know, grading adjectives is when you assign some sort of value or degree to which a characteristic applies to an adjective. For example, you have the adjective 'big', but you also have 'biggest' and 'bigger'. When you change 'big'  to 'bigger', you are grading the adjective. Anyway, our professor was talking about the fact that not all adjectives could be graded, and the example he used was 'dead'. His point was that, once someone is dead, they're dead; they can't die again, they can't be...