The Misunderstood Platypus

I'm taking a poetry class right now, and today, in class, someone brought in a poem they had written in which a platypus was mentioned. We spoke for a long time about the symbolic nature of the platypus in class and it became clear to me that the platypus was a tragically misunderstood creature. I mean most of the class seemed to be laboring under the delusion that it was some sort of beaver-duck from the black lagoon. Someone even suggested that platypi (contrary to what you may have been told, that IS the plural) were marsupials  as if any platypus could be anything as vulgar as a kangaroo!

But I digress, my point is that the platypus is majestic creature which should be treated with the utmost respect. I mean, when was the last time you laid an egg? The platypus is one of the only mammals that could make an omelet out of its own offspring; that is both disturbing and delicious. Plus, like all mammals, the platypus can produce its own milk. So basically, the platypus species is a few cups of sugar and a handful of chocolate chips away from opening a Cheesecake Factory! This is why I don't understand all the fuss about dolphins; could a dolphin create a delicious pastry with its bodily byproducts? I don't think so. They just sit around all day and squeak and eat fish and plan to take over the world.

Also, its very important to respect platypi because they're venomous, and, if you make them angry, they  might just decide to poison you (not that a dolphin couldn't kill you, they're vicious!). However, most of the time, platypi decide to use their powers for good instead of evil. For example, I have a theory that platypi are secretly governing Australia because, instead of having presidents or monarchs on their money, they have platypi. It's the same thing with Canada, everyone knows that they have moose on their money because the moose overloads threatened to trample them all if they didn't make the moose the national animal (JK, the national animal of Canada is actually the beaver, which is just, as far as I am concerned, a deformed platypus; but the moose is still on Canadian money, so IDK).

The platypus, however, is bigger than that (not literally, moose are pretty big). But, for all of that, the platypus is a humble creature who enjoys the simple things in life. There is nothing a platypus likes better than going for a swim and then eating some cheesecake while watching The Crocodile Hunter go out and hunt for crocodiles and wondering why the crocodile gets to be on television and they don't when the crocodile doesn't even have a duck bill (let's face it, that's why Daffy Duck is on television even though everyone knows he's banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants).

My point is that people don't know nearly enough about platypi as they should. For example, did you know that the word for platypus in German is Schnabeltier? I bet you didn't (unless, you're German, in which case, kudos on inventing Volkswagon, I would never have thought of putting the trunk in the front of the car). You see, this is why the world is in the state it is today.

Just sayin'