Finding No One

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So, in the spirit of blogs about aquatic creatures (which seems to be becoming a theme on this blog), I'm going to write about something that's been bothering me for some time: the name Nemo.

Ever since Finding Nemo came out, people have been going crazy about the name Nemo. Everyone's like 'oh, Nemo, that's such a cute name. I'm going to name my dog Nemo and my cat Nemo and my car Nemo and....". But what no one seems to realize is that Nemo means 'no one'. That's horrible! Finding Nemo is actually Finding No One!

Like, Nemo already has a bad fin, are you really going to make his life worse by calling him a no one? That's tottally child abuse. Like, his mom and all his brothers and sisters were killed right in front of him, doesn't he have enough emotional scars? Now, I know that they were thinking of Captian Nemo from Jules Verne's Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, but I don't think the people who wrote Finding Nemo understood Latin because, if they did, they would know that Jules Verne was trying to be all 'oooooooohhhh ooooohhh ohhh mysterious'. You know what else is a good name for a clown fish? Fortinbras. It's a very strong, respectable, Shakespearean name. I would like to see a movie called Finding Fortinbras.

But the movie is only part of the problem. My concern is that, after people sort of forget that Nemo is a name for a fish, people are going to start naming their children Nemo. I mean it happened with the movie Bambi. That's why in 1977, Bambi was the #722 most popular name for girls. Think about that, Bambi was in the top 1000 names. If I had to pick 2000 names, Bambi wouldn't be one of them. So, I'm pretty soon that pretty soon people are going to be naming their children Nemo, which is going to be horrible because they're basically saying that their kids are no ones.

And I know this is going to happen because this is America, where people name their children things like Chlamydia, USA Mail, and Orange-Jello (pronounced or-ah-n-jell-o). Because, in the U.S., if a word has more than one letter, it can be a name (actually, that's not true, because I'm sure that there is somewhere out there who has named their child A or R). Like, we had a president named Ulysses for crying out loud! So, sooner or later, some one is going to name their kid No One and that poor kid is going to wonder what anyone ever thought was so great about free speech.

Or,  you know, if you have twins, you could call them Orange-Jello and Lemon-Jello. 

Just sayin'

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