Squids will Eat You!

So, I was watching the Animal Planet the other day and there was this show on about squids. On the show, they were talking about how, if you get in the water with squids, they'll surround you and start attacking you and end up eating you. Actually, on the show, they said that a group of squids (they hunt in packs because one squid is just not terrifying enough) can be more dangerous than a shark when it attacks.

Let's think about that for a minute. Squids eat people. That is completely ridiculous! The world needs to know that this is going on! Like, you plan for sharks, you plan for lions and tigers and bears; you don't plan for squids. I had no idea that this sort of thing was going on in the world! As you may recall from earlier blog posts, I was kind of concerned about the potential dangers of the octopus, but I'm over that now. I'm much more concerned about squids taking over the world.

Like, the problem is, no one is paying attention to the squid. You could just be swimming along going "gee, I hope a shark doesn't eat me" and then, out of nowhere, a squid would swim up and take a chunk out of your leg. Like I didn't even know that squids had teeth. I mean, I guess they don't actually have teeth; they have beaks. That is so weird, I don't even know where to begin. It reminds me of the time I bought a snail for my fish tank. One day, my snail, Diego, was cleaning the glass of the tank and I saw him opening and closing his mouth. That really freaked me out, because I didn't know that snails had mouths (actually, the snail has a radula, which is a kind of barbed tongue). So, basically, it was like that, except on a much larger scale.

Besides that, apparently, squids also have barbs on their tentacles. That's crazy! What, is it like a war squid? Apparently, scientists have even found squid scars on whales. Obviously, those are giant squids, but still! As you know, I'm not really comfortable with whales, so you can imagine how I feel about squids that attack whales. Actually, when I was a kid, I had a book about sea creatures and, in the book, there was something about giant squids and it freaked me out so much I didn't sleep for like a week!

Let's take a minute to talk about the giant squid.

Like, those two words together form the most terrifying phrase in the English language. Imagine a squid that could kill a whale. I have one thing to say to that "asdfuggufbirqugqrgur!". Apparently, the kraken is a real thing. Like, everyone said that Johnny Depp was crazy in Pirates of the Caribbean 2, but the kraken is actually actual! It used to be that I was like, "oh, the Greyjoys in Game of Thrones have a lame sigil". Apparently, I was wrong. 'We do not sow', more like 'we do not sow because we're too busy eating people'.

I think it's revenge for the calamari special at Olive Garden. Giant squids are real. My advice to you is, deep fry them in butter and eat them before they eat you.

Just sayin'