Teenage Cows
So, two days ago (which was quite the day for animals, as I mentioned in my bear blog), I was out at Penn State's turf research facility, helping to spread some compost (not as fun as it sounds). Anyway, the turf farm borders on a cow enclosure and, while we were there, they put some cows into the pen. "Oh," someone said to me, "those are the teenage cows."
Teenage cows. That's quite something.
I had no idea that cows went through a teenage phase. I guess that's because you never see a cow with a smart phone, listening to One Direction (or Moo Direction, as they are known to the bovine population). I guess that's because they all have blue tooth; that must be what the yellow ear tags are for. Luckily, I have yet to see a cow wearing Uggs with shorts or leggings as pants.
However, as I have learned, there are several key differences between teenage cows and adult cows. Teenage cows are smaller and more leggy than adult cows, they run around and chase each other and scuffle. Occasionally, you can see them licking each other; which seems like pretty normal, teenage behavior to me. They're more enthusiastic, energetic, and curious. They have little grass stains on their little, cow knees; they're always swinging their tails back and forth, sometimes they bend them into rakish patterns. I don't know if you've ever seen a cow run, but it's quite a sight, like a happy buffalo on the wide open plains or something. Which is quite something, because it seems that being a buffalo would be quite a chore, what with the horns and all the fur and such.
It must be a wonderful time in the life of a cow. You know, before they become embittered by the dairy industry and the exploitation of the singing cows in Hershey's chocolate world.
Not to say that I don't like cows (once, in 2nd grade, our class went to visit a cow in the Ag Arena and it peed on all the mean kids who had pushed everyone else out of the way so that they could stand in the front; my friends, justice is served with a side of milk). I like cows as much as the next person (and I've always admired the black and white spots look). But, as a long time resident of Pennsylvania, I don't really get too excited about cows. But teenage cows are something different. As soon as they let them into the pen, they started to look over our way and get curious about the compost. So, I went over to the fence and start clapping my hands and waving my arms until one of the cows came over. Once one of the cows came over, they all came over. Just like human teenagers, right?
Then, they just stood there and starred at us.
I don't really know much about cows, but I'm given to believe that they're not terrible curious animals. If adult cows get interested in what a human is doing, they'll come over and look for about a minute, then wander away. These cows must have stood there and watched us for over fifteen minutes. It's a lot of pressure to entertain a group of cows!
Anyway, they eventually wandered away to play their little cow games and say hello to their teenage cow friends and have lunch, but there were these two cows who just sat down and kept watching us. I think they were suspicious; they had their heads together, like they were having a conversation:
As if the first cow was saying, "what do you think they're doing with all that black stuff [the compost]?"
Then, the second cow was all like "I don't know, but it's probably cow poison"
"Cow poison!" the first cow would gasp, "I thought congress passed legislation against that!"
"It doesn't matter," the second cow explains, "humans are only after one thing"
"Milk?" asks the first cow, "they use it to make chocolate; I like chocolate"
"And when you're too old to give milk?"asks the second cow, "then, it's off to the glue factory!"
"The glue factory!" exclaims the first cow, "that can't be. I'm going to lawyer up; I've already started putting away grass for retirement!"
You just don't get that sort of dedication and commitment to justice with grown up cows (unless they pee on your second grade class).
Just sayin'
Teenage cows. That's quite something.
I had no idea that cows went through a teenage phase. I guess that's because you never see a cow with a smart phone, listening to One Direction (or Moo Direction, as they are known to the bovine population). I guess that's because they all have blue tooth; that must be what the yellow ear tags are for. Luckily, I have yet to see a cow wearing Uggs with shorts or leggings as pants.
However, as I have learned, there are several key differences between teenage cows and adult cows. Teenage cows are smaller and more leggy than adult cows, they run around and chase each other and scuffle. Occasionally, you can see them licking each other; which seems like pretty normal, teenage behavior to me. They're more enthusiastic, energetic, and curious. They have little grass stains on their little, cow knees; they're always swinging their tails back and forth, sometimes they bend them into rakish patterns. I don't know if you've ever seen a cow run, but it's quite a sight, like a happy buffalo on the wide open plains or something. Which is quite something, because it seems that being a buffalo would be quite a chore, what with the horns and all the fur and such.It must be a wonderful time in the life of a cow. You know, before they become embittered by the dairy industry and the exploitation of the singing cows in Hershey's chocolate world.
Not to say that I don't like cows (once, in 2nd grade, our class went to visit a cow in the Ag Arena and it peed on all the mean kids who had pushed everyone else out of the way so that they could stand in the front; my friends, justice is served with a side of milk). I like cows as much as the next person (and I've always admired the black and white spots look). But, as a long time resident of Pennsylvania, I don't really get too excited about cows. But teenage cows are something different. As soon as they let them into the pen, they started to look over our way and get curious about the compost. So, I went over to the fence and start clapping my hands and waving my arms until one of the cows came over. Once one of the cows came over, they all came over. Just like human teenagers, right?
Then, they just stood there and starred at us.
I don't really know much about cows, but I'm given to believe that they're not terrible curious animals. If adult cows get interested in what a human is doing, they'll come over and look for about a minute, then wander away. These cows must have stood there and watched us for over fifteen minutes. It's a lot of pressure to entertain a group of cows!
Anyway, they eventually wandered away to play their little cow games and say hello to their teenage cow friends and have lunch, but there were these two cows who just sat down and kept watching us. I think they were suspicious; they had their heads together, like they were having a conversation:
As if the first cow was saying, "what do you think they're doing with all that black stuff [the compost]?"
Then, the second cow was all like "I don't know, but it's probably cow poison"
 |
| The cow on the left needs an attorney |
"It doesn't matter," the second cow explains, "humans are only after one thing"
"Milk?" asks the first cow, "they use it to make chocolate; I like chocolate"
"And when you're too old to give milk?"asks the second cow, "then, it's off to the glue factory!"
"The glue factory!" exclaims the first cow, "that can't be. I'm going to lawyer up; I've already started putting away grass for retirement!"
You just don't get that sort of dedication and commitment to justice with grown up cows (unless they pee on your second grade class).
Just sayin'
Comments
Post a Comment