Just Sayin'

I have issues with productivity. Well, to be more accurate, I have issues with distractions and procrastination and pretty much everything else that ends with tion . Every now and then, I sit down to, you know, read a book or do some homework or organize my math notes. Granted, I start out strong: I have a burst of activity, I'm on fire, I'm an English-paper-drafting machine! But then, the internet happens. Oh, internet, you are the cause of my productivity problems. The very existence of this blog is proof of the internet's power over me. There are so many things I could be doing right now; I could be working ahead in my math homework, learning to speak Swahili, or reading to blind chimps in Tanzania. Instead, I'm sitting here, listening to Pandora, writing a blog, because I cannot stand to be in the presence of a compute without getting on the internet. It's not like I'm getting on good, educational sites either. Usually, I'm on Youtube, Wikipedia, Fac...

I decided to write about being left handed for my most recent English paper. It seemed like a good idea - I had all these grand ideas about 1/3 of the population being left handed and lefties being more creative and stuff like that. But actually... I never realized how much my life as a left hander sucked until now. Apparently, left handers as more likely to develop schizophrenia, alcolhism, and are more likely to be criminals...? We're also more likely to die in accidents. Which, makes sense to me since ALL machienery is designed for right handed people. I mean, did you ever notice how, when you're driving, you have to shift on the right? Do you know how difficult that is for me? My right hand is just useless! I refute this data. I think it's propaganda, put out by the right handed majority to oppress us left handers.Its the same thing with mugs, door knobs, and notebooks. And scissors. Oh scissors, thou tools of tyranny. Right handers fear us, they're trying to ...

So, the other day on MSNBC, I saw that this really obscure school in Missouri is replacing its footbal field with artificial maroon and gray turf. I told my dad about it (who works in Turf) and he reminded me that Boise State has a bright blue football field. I remarked that it probably get really dirty and stained after a while and he told me that artifical fields are washed with a special kind of detergent. I had no idea such things were going on in the world. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but that seems pretty weird. It's like, "oh...I'm just gonna go wash the grass, no big deal." I know that real grass needs a lot of maintenance, but that just seems a little extreme. So that's a weird things that exists.  Plus, falling down on artificial grass, really scratchy and painful. And I wouldn't want to be the one to be mopping up the blood. Just sayin'.

Okay, here's the thing about college, people go out and drink and party and stay up until one o'clock in the morning and scream and yell and smoke hookahs in front of my dorm, namely, people in my dorm go out and party and drink and make noise and leave chairs randomly in the stairwell until three o'clock in the morning. Just in time for construction to start at six. Seriously, college, what do you want from me?  It's not like I really care what they do; it's their lives and their GPAs, but, it's always a bit of a shocker when I hear people discussing black outs, frat-fights, and hook ups. Don't get me wrong, I know this sort of stuff goes on, I haven't been living under a rock. But, what get's me, is that these are the actual lives of real people; I mean, you could put some of the stories I've heard on 90210 and no one would know the difference. So, that's like 90% of my dorm; then, there's me. The only time I stay up past one is w...

All right, so today, after class, my friend Megan and I decided to buy some morning ice cream at the Penn State creamery, since it was like 5 million degrees outside and all (just kidding, more like 90). It worked out well for me, but not so well for Megan. The second we left the air conditioning, Megan's ice cream started to melt all over her hand (and her arm and her face and her feet). She had a little melt down. Literally. Of course, Megan was inclined to believe that God was punishing her for eating morning ice cream; a kind of, "thou shalt not go to the creamery before noon" sort of thing. But I wasn't getting ice cream all over myself, no, no, not me, because I'm Puerto Rican. You see, we Puerto Ricans, or, for that matter, anyone who is accustomed to a tropical climate, know that, when you eat ice cream, you must always start from the outside first and work your way in. That way, if it starts to melt, the drips will fall inside the cone or dish. That i...

Sometimes, I encounter weird stuff in college, like... 1) Random kid walking up Bigler road with two tampons shoved up his nostrils...I wonder if he knows what they're really for... 2) Group of guys sitting outside my building, in a circle, smoking a hookah and listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Then, 10 minutes later, when it starts raining, they pick up their chairs, move around to the side of the building, under an overhang, and continue like nothing happened. I sure hope it's just tobacco. 3) Spiderman blow up doll in the window of the room two doors down from mind. I don't even want to know. 4) Person playing "Call Me Maybe" on the guitar and singing in front of my dorm at one o'clock in the morning. That's the one I really don't understand. Just sayin'. P.S. Share your college experiences in the comments.

I like commas; in fact, I think commas are the most useful linguistic tool available to writers; I mean, think about it, a comma shows that your ideas are related, they flow, they are interconnected and consistent; semi-colons are kind of like that too, they really break down your sentences; I mean, sometimes, its difficult for readers to see how your seemingly unrelated - and, in my case, usually, totally unrelated ideas - relate, well, that's what semi-colons are for; but, let's be real here, commas are friends, not food -that's from Finding Nemo - , which, by the way, was an excellent movie, though, I didn't appreciate their portrayal of whales, which are shaped like commas; you see, everything fits together into one big idea, like circle; that's why I like commas. Just sayin'.

I don't eat lunch. I don't eat lunch because I don't believe in lunch. You see, to me, lunch is just kinda unnecessary, like the Cinderella 2 or North Dakota. I mean, I understand that people get hungry between breakfast and dinner, but three meals a day just seems like too much to me. Two meals is good for me; if I get hungry in the middle of the day, I just eat a pop-tart or something. I like pop-tarts. I mention all of this because, at my college dining hall, breakfast is not served on Saturdays or Sundays. They only have lunch/brunch. I feel like that's meal discrimination. Clearly, breakfast is more important than lunch. I mean, breakfast is the meal on which you break your fast and everyone always says "breakfast is the most important meal of the day". So, I don't understand why the dining hall chooses to make me wait until 10:30 to get something to eat. And, if anything, they should have breakfast/brunch. I like breakfast. It's the only meal...

Let's be real here, math does not exist. I say this because, quite honestly, numbers do not exist; they're an abstract concept. Now, don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of numbers and I certainly understand the purpose of abstract concepts. But, think about it, two, for example, is just a word that delineates a certain quantity. Now, by that logic, you could argue that words don't exist either. But I disagree with that because words, for the most part, represent concrete things. Take the word "cloud", the word represents a specific noun, a real thing. Numbers aren't like that, you could have two eyes or two lobsters or two serious psychological issues with whales. But, you don't even have to say "two"; you don't inherently have two eyes, you just have eyes. Just sayin'. So, logically, if numbers don't exist (and they don't) then math doesn't exist either. So, what is math? A figment of your imagination, ...

Warning: This post originated from another of my failed English 15 essay ideas. So, it kind of bothers me when people use the words "human" and "person" interchangeably; it's so species-ist!  I mean, sure all humans are people, but not all people are human. Animals are people too. Think about it, a person is any living being that can be rearguard as an individual, with the capacity for intelligence and emotion (and no, I did not get that definition from the dictionary). So, by those standards, animals are people too. Plus, humans are animals so it's already been proven that animals can be people, right? Take apes for example, they're really smart, they use tools and stuff, they live in family groups. Let's be real here, the only difference between humans and gorillas is amount of body hair and the whole talking thing; talking is kind of important, but, I'm pretty sure apes would talk if they had the right vocal cords. I mean, as it is, we a...

Okay, let me start my saying that today, in my English class, I was assigned an essay in which I supposed to define a word. Instantly, I thought of defining the word "nerd", but then my teacher gave us a sample essay to read that was, you guessed it, about nerds. Way to rain on my parade, English 15. But I have some thoughts on the subject, so I thought I would blog about them instead of doing the essay. English class, you don't know what you're missing. I think nerds get a bad rep. I mean, when someone says "nerd" the first thing that comes to mind is Steve Urkel with suspenders and pocket protectors. A nerd is a kid who gets shoved into lockers and dunked into toilets for swirlies. So 70s, right? Nerds aren't like that anymore (I mean if you ask me, nerds were never like that but, what do I know), because something strange has happened, something very curious that might just be a sign of global warming or proof of the harmful effects of UV rays, ner...

So, In the spirit of blogs about food, I thought I would take some time to tell you about my feelings about bacon. Today, at brunch, the dining hall was serving quiche Lorraine. Now, normally I like quiche because it's basically cheese and egg pie, but I don't like quiche Lorraine because quiche Lorraine has bacon in it. Ew. I have a long, convoluted history with bacon, which all started when I was about four years old and I saw the movie Babe . For those of you who have never seen Babe , it is a movie about an Australian pig who wants to be a sheep dog. Innocent and sweet, right? Wrong; Babe's mother was made into bacon. It was the single most upsetting film I have ever seen, well, except for Dumbo - that was disturbing. I tried bacon for the first time a year later when I was on vacation with my family in Canada. I remember it distinctly, we were sitting in a restaurant next to the window, my mom ordered breakfast for me and the waiter brought me a plate of bacon and...

Recently, I've noticed that my blog has been a little negative. I'm always talking about how I hate this and dislike that, so, today, I've decided to write a more upbeat blog about food. Let's be real here, I love food. But, truth be told, I'm kind of a picky eater. I don't eat anything uncooked (unless it's chocolate mousse or no-bake pie), I am suspicious of unfiltered water, and I think corn causes cancer (just kidding about the corn, that was something I heard on NPR). I mean, some foods are just better than others. For example, ice cream is definitely at the top of my food hierarchy (and just to be clear, ice cream includes milkshakes and frozen yogurt), closely followed by pizza, Oreos, pop-tarts, easy mac, and grilled cheese, in that order (when I say grilled cheese, I mean the good grilled cheese with either Swiss or cheddar and white bread, none of that whole wheat nonsense).  After that is a whole bunch of other stuff, including, but not limite...

So, here's the story. I was looking at myself in the mirror a few minutes ago and I realized that eyebrows look really weird. Try it, look at yourself in the mirror and think about your eyebrows. They bother you now, don't they? I mean, what is an eyebrow? It's just a random strip of hair across your face. It bothers me because it's such an inconsistency. It's like, skin, skin, eyebrow - there's something off there. I wonder what people would look like without eyebrows, really surprised, probably. I have a friend whose eyebrows are so blonde that she has to dye them to make them visible. To me, that's just strange. I mean, we spend so much time worrying about our eyebrows, plucking and dying, but, let's be real here, eyebrows have no purpose. I mean, think about it; your life wouldn't be drastically different if you didn't have eyebrows. You wouldn't die or anything, you'd just look like you're in a constant state of shock. Perfec...

I'll preface this by saying that I love PSU, Onward State and We Are and all that jazz. But, let me tell you something about Penn State, it is a Pepsi only campus. You don't even know how much that has impacted my life. Instead of Coke Zero, it's Pepsi Zero, Diet Pepsi, and Cherry Pepsi, it just doesn't have the same ring to it.  I don't even think there's such a thing as Pepsi Vanilla (not that I like Vanilla Coke, it's the principal of the thing). What's more, Pepsi doesn't make the cute, fluted glasses that Coke does. Maybe my palate is unrefined, but I can't even really tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke, that is, in terms of taste; I just like the snazzy drinking glasses. Pepsi doesn't make t-shirts either or the ads with the polar bears. Polar bears make me feel good; what do Pepsi ads have? J-Lo? She doesn't make me feel so good. I blame you, Nittany Lion. Just sayin'.

Today, as I was eating easy mac in my dorm, I mentioned to my friend Keri that I should really buy some plastic spoons to have on hand in my room. 'Spoons?' she said, 'what about forks?' 'No' I said, 'I am morally opposed to forks.' It's not that I don't see that forks are useful or convenient, its just that the fork is such a needlessly aggressive utensil. I mean, think about it, a fork is like a stick with four mini daggers extending from it. Properly yielded, a fork is quite the weapon; you could put someone's eye out. Especially violent are the three pronged forks. To quote Sheldon Cooper, the three pronged fork is not a fork, its a trident. And, if you've read the Hunger Games series you know that you should fear the trident. These are not things I want to think about when I'm eating my pie. I only use forks when they are completely neccessary, like, if I was eating pizza or a doughnut or a candy bar or something. Those are f...

Ok, there are a lot of good things about college, I can eat ice cream every day if I want to, all my friends live closer to me, and I don't have to deal with high school melodrama. But there's a dark side to college, its an OCD nightmare. Let's take my dorm building for example, I don't know who designed it, but whoever did, arranged the windows in the weirdest way possible. Each dorm room has one window either on the left or right side of the wall, not in the center, which would make the most sense. Basically, the windows are back to back in groups of two. So, from the outside, there are just columns of windows running down the front of the window. Call me crazy, but aesthetically speaking, there should be an equal distance between each window. Even inside, the dorms are infuriatingly unsymmetrical. In my dorm, for instance my roommate's bed is about four inches taller than mine. You can't even know how much that bothers me. It almost bothers me as much as ...

Let's be real here, it is way more difficult to be a female than it is to be a male. I mean, think about it, girls have to do a  ton of grooming, plucking and shaving and straightening hair, and kotex and tampons and makeup really add up in expenses. Plus, women didn't get the vote in the US until like 1920, I mean, come on America. But, enough with the whining. There are definitely a ton of pluses to being a girl. Girls never have to kill bugs, open jars, or lift heavy things. Plus, except for boys under the age of 13, no one, except girls, has the power of the pout; I mean, all I need to do is give someone the puppy dog eyes and I almost always get my way. But, the best thing about being a girl is definitely nail polish. Let me just preface this by saying that I am a nail polish freak. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart, Target, or CVS I head straight for the make up section. Wet n' Wild Fast Dry is my favorite brand, its relatively cheap and the names are too funny. Sometimes...

First off, no, I do not hate chickens and I am not afraid of chickens. I just happen to think that chickens are some really strange, unattractive birds, that remind me of dinosaurs. That's probably because the chicken is the closest living relative to the tyrannosaurus Rex, weird huh? I learned that on Nickelodeon. Generally, I like dinosaurs (well, except for the velociraptors in Jurassic Park (those things were freaky), which, oddly enough remind me of chickens - they have the same sort of eyes), but there's something about chickens that really throws me for a loop. Is it the obnoxious crowing at four o'clock in the morning? No. Is it the peaking or the clawed feet? No. I think its the beady, little velociraptor eyes. Behind the gaze of every chicken there is evil cunning. The best sort of chicken is in a sandwich, breaded and slathered in ketchup. Just sayin'.