Left Handed Issues

I decided to write about being left handed for my most recent English paper. It seemed like a good idea - I had all these grand ideas about 1/3 of the population being left handed and lefties being more creative and stuff like that. But actually...

I never realized how much my life as a left hander sucked until now.

Apparently, left handers as more likely to develop schizophrenia, alcolhism, and are more likely to be criminals...? We're also more likely to die in accidents. Which, makes sense to me since ALL machienery is designed for right handed people. I mean, did you ever notice how, when you're driving, you have to shift on the right? Do you know how difficult that is for me? My right hand is just useless!

I refute this data. I think it's propaganda, put out by the right handed majority to oppress us left handers.Its the same thing with mugs, door knobs, and notebooks. And scissors. Oh scissors, thou tools of tyranny. Right handers fear us, they're trying to oppress us. We must fight back!

Well, okay, maybe that is a little extreme. And, of course, only 1 in 10 of the people who are reading this will understand what I'm talking about. 

To the 10%: I feel your pain. Just sayin'.

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