Just Sayin'

I'm starting NaNoWriMo in five minutes. Pray for me. Please.

Every now and then, someone says to me, "you should do a minor in biology or something - you're so good at it." People who say that to me, you know not what you ask. Sure, to the casual observer, it may seem like I understand science. On the outside, it may even seem like I enjoy science, but do not be fooled, on the inside, I'm all like, "phytochrome - you can go die." -_- That was why, when Hurricane Sandy made Penn State cancel classes on Monday I was all like "Bio lab? NOT FRICKIN' TODAY." Yeah, because, while I may be able to identify the pericycle with my eyes closed and recite the photosynthesis equation backwards, if you ask me to make a wet mount slide, I'm like "...huh?". I will answer multiple choice questions until I lose feeling in my fingers, but ask me to set up an experiment and you will get a non-committal shrug. Applying fertilizer? Measuring chemicals? Focusing microscopes? Not. Going. To. Happen.  Clearly...

I wanna be a vampire so frickin' bad, Drink all the blood I never had... I would be on the cover of Fang magazine, chilling with the Cullens and Sookie... Oh everytime I close my eyes... (whatcha bleed? whatcha bleed?) I think of my immortal life. Yeah, a different blood type every night, Oh, I swear, The Red Cross better prepare For when I'm a vampire! Yeah, I would have a castle like Dracula, I would be the owner, Everyday a transfusion, lemme at the plasma clinic, I'd probably pull a Stephen Salvatore And eat a lot of bunnies that don't deserve it. Give away a few True Bloods like, here Damon have this And last but not least, glamour away all human senses, It's been a couple of months since I've seen the sun, So you can call me Bill, minus the Compton Get it, I'd probably visit where Godric died And darn sure do a lot more than Eric did. You can't suck my blood, stupid Everywhere I go, Imma have my own coven! Oh oh, oh oh,...

So, in case the 50mph winds and driving rain hasn't alerted you, there's actually a hurricane going on outside. Ordinarily, I wouldn't mind, my dorm room is fully stocked with pop-tarts, Oreos, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's, which, is all you really need to survive in college? The only problem is that I happen to attend one of the only schools on the east coast that hasn't canceled classes. frpgjiwrehgepg Penn State. That is how I feel. Let's recap here; Frankenstorm is coming. That is both a monster and a natural disaster. Last night, Penn State sent around an e-mail telling students to "use your own best judgment when considering traveling during inclement weather, either on foot or otherwise. Your personal safety is paramount". In my opinion, if you have to send and e-mail reminding students not to get blown away, you might want to consider canceling classes. But, you kn...

So, recently a friend told me that her ex-boyfriend said that she was a better kisser than his previous girlfriend because she didn't shove her tongue down his throat. Dogs are excellent kissers Now, I have a problem with this because that's a little ridiculous to me. You'd have to have a frickin' long tongue to be able to get it down someone else's throat, like that thing from Alien or something. But actually, I've given this some serious thought (what else is college for?), I mean, is it even possible to stretch your tongue that far? You'd pretty much have to make it stretch twice it's actual length - talk about muscle strain. They should start making tongue work out videos. But even if you could, why would you want to get up to shenanigans with someone else's uvula? You'd probably trigger the gag reflex anyway. Nothing says romance like vomit. Top worst place to throw up: in someone else's mouth. And, even if your tongue was lon...

So, one of my blogger friends, caffeinefreak , recently tagged me in a blog survey called eleven questions and, much to my chagrin, I'm going to do it because of peer pressure, capitalism, and the mountain of homework that I am currently procrastinating. So yeah. 1 - On a rainy day, what is your favorite thing to do? Now, given the fact that I dislike rainy days in general (because rain makes me wet and stuff), I suppose the best thing to do on a rainy day would be to stay in bed, eat some pop tarts, and read a book, like a cool kid. 2 - Would you rather read a good book or run a marathon, and why? I take book over running any day; mostly because reading a book is actually fun and running makes you all gross and sweaty; just sayin', no one ever works up a sweat by turning pages. 3 - What is your fantasy career and are you working toward it? Hm, to be perfectly honest, it's difficult to answer this question. In a perfect world, I would be a novelist, but that's ...

So, if I had a lot of money (like that's ever gonna happen), I would invest it all in Scooby Doo - not new, crappy Scooby Doo, classy, 90s Scooby Doo - and I would make a fortune and buy a private island and a monkey. Okay, maybe not a monkey. But seriously, it is impossible to dislike Scooby Doo. Like, I've tried; it just doesn't work. What? And there are so many marketing opportunities! They have Scooby snacks, Scooby Doo action figures, Scooby Doo backpacks, and Scooby Doo coloring books. And lets not forget that jewel of American cinema, Scooby Doo Meets Batman . Scooby Doo and the Dark Knight in one 90 minute made-for-tv-production! It's like peanut butter and oreos, too perfect (don't judge its delicious). But actually, Scooby Doo is basically a movie star; I mean he worked with all the pros - like Scooby Doo Meets the Addams Family, Scooby Doo Meets the Three Stooges, Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School, Scooby Doo Mee...

So, yeah, I feel the need to designate this as a serious blog because there is no joking about the state of music in the world. Take this weekend for instance, I was doing all well and good, buyin' stuff at Kohl's until they started playing some Bieber and I realized that I might be outgrowing the juniors section because there was a 1D t-shirt on display. I don't mean to step on any toes...but I'm gonna do it anyway. Popular music these days is incredibly formulaic. I mean, if I want a dirge about teenage emotion, I could always read Twilight (maybe I should do a serious blog about books?). Now, of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but come on, how many times can Taylor Swift have possibly have been dumped? Why does Ke$ha wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? These are the questions that don't need to be answered! So, without further ado, I present to you my list of the top 100 pieces of music of all time (in my opinion). I promise I'll be ...

"How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?" So, the other day my mom and I were buying a pink shirt at Kohl's and I was talking to the cashier and I was like "oh, on Wednesdays we wear pink" and she was like "oh, that's so funny" and my mom was like "...?". That was when I realized, there are people in the world, a few, sad, unfortunate souls, who have never seen Mean Girls . Shocking, I know; it hurts me too. I mean, imagine going through your life without Glen Coco or the definition of "fugly". Because, let's be real here, Mean Girls epitomized my high school experience (minus Tina Fey and Rachael McAdams). That's probably why Mean Girls is the most quotable movie ever. EVER. It's like, when you're in class and someone is all "OMG, you can't just ask someone why they're white?" and you're like, that just came out of Amanda Seyfried's mouth and into my...

So, the other day one of my friends told me about this Victoria's Secret model who doesn't have a belly button. First of all, that's nonsense, and second of all it gives you an idea of what sorts of conversations I have with my friends. But that's beside the point because, apparently, it's true - Karolina Kurkova does not have a belly button. ...? No belly button, so weird!!!! Either that's proof that aliens have invaded our planet or Victoria's secret has started using robots to model their undies. So, being the hard hitting, investigative blogger that I am, I did some serious research (I googled it) and I discovered that Kurkova was not grown in a test tube (disappointing, I know). For a while, people thought that she had it surgically removed so that she could be more perfect (that's skewed logic if I've ever heard it). But the truth is she just had some sort of abdominal surgery as a baby that messed up her stomach. Seriously though, it...

So, I've been having a lot of essay tests over the past week and I've come to realize something. I am an atrocious speller. I guess it's always been that way, I just never noticed it before because I type most of the time. For example, as I write this blog, when I misspell a word, I get a helpful little red line and I control click and voila, it's as if I was walking around with a dictionary in my head. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen when you're scribbling away in your blue book with ten minutes to spare and you're making stuff up because the essay has to be 700 words and you have about 5. Yeah. That's a problem. Fortunately for me, in the modern world no one cares about spelling. All that's really important is that you get the first letter right, the last letter right and most of the letters in between. You should also stick some vowels in there somewhere. Usually, when I don't know how to spell a word I write the first two or three let...

So, because my dining hall on campus doesn't open until 10:30, they usually don't have breakfast food. This kinda annoyed me at first, but now I'm used to having lunch for breakfast, and I gotta say - I like it. I mean, nothing to get you started in the morning like a nice, taco salad, right? I find a shot of salsa really wakes me up. Cereal and bagels are for weaklings, I laugh in the face of bacon and eggs! The taco is the breakfast of champions. I mean, if you think about it, breakfast food doesn't really make much sense because it's all sugary and fatty and stuff. With a nice, respectable taco you get all of your major food groups, it comes in a convenient little package, and you can put guacamole on top. Guacamole is the food of the gods. I have tremendous appreciation for avocados. Just sayin'

Okay, so, today I was supposed to read the Illiad for my history class and I got about halfway through my assigned reading before deciding that I was going to watch Troy instead, because, let's be honest here, it's pretty much the same thing. Yes, I know, I am a horrible, horrible English major. But let me tell you something about Troy , that film provoked some frickin' emotion. I mean, maybe it's because I knew that Achilles and Hector were going to die and Troy was going to be destroyed, maybe it was the funky music, maybe it was the man skirts, but seriously, I was an emotional wreck by the end of that movie. It's just so tragic because everyone DIES and no one wins (accept for Agamemnon, but no one likes him anyway and he seriously needs a haircut, so he should just go away). Also, Orlando Bloom is in it, need I say more? It's so saddddd! Now, I know that I'm just falling for consumerism and stuff, but I don't really care because I enjoyed...

In history class we're working on a group project on Greek and Egyptian mythology and we're not allowed to use websites as sources, so we have to use books. At first, I was like "no big deal - I read books all the time". Wrong: I read novels all the time. Books are different, books are scary. I had a time in the library yesterday with my group. I mean, I don't know how people did things without the internet! Doing research with books is hard - and that's with the internet telling me what I'm supposed to be looking for. First, we had to find the books, which is a lot harder than it sounds because the PSU library in HUGE. I had to go into the stacks - with all narrow little rows of books and the lights on timers and the tick-tick-tick until you run out of time and the ceilings so low you stoop a little bit to go through the doors. I realized something yesterday, I have NO comprehension of the dewy decimal system. I was looking for a book in the 50s, but i...

So, here's the problem with going to superhero movies, you go into the movie feeling like a normal person and when you leave you feel like the Energizer bunny. Maybe it's the dramatic, gonna-go-save-the-world music, but seriously, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. All of the sudden you're ready to run across the country and lift cars off of small children. I call this phenomenon The Spiderman Effect. Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for daring rescues and such, just don't try jumping off any buildings because I'm pretty sure that, unless you know Tinker Bell, you're just going to go splat on the sidewalk. Please, please, please, don't go splat on the sidewalk. They're are so many more constructive routes through which to channel your energy. I mean, when I'm feeling ambitious I memorize irregular verb conjugations, I don't go out and stop a train. Leave that to the real superheros. Just sayin'

As an English major, I spend a lot of time thinking about words - nerdy, I know. But after nearly two decades of listening to speech patterns, I have come to the conclusion that English a really, really, reallllly weird language. Maybe it's just that I'm American or Pennsylvanian or whatever, but English speakers, as a rule, have a propensity for not pronouncing vowels, ts at the ends of words, hs at the start of words, and letters between the first and last syllable. I mean, are we French? Do we just stick random qs and zs into into words for decoration? I've been taking Spanish classes for the past four years and one thing I've observed is that, in Spanish, you actually pronounce all the letters in the word (except for hs, but we won't get into that). And I think it is for this reason that people go around referring to themselves as human "beans"; I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty sure that I'm a human being . I'm not judg...

So, following in my theme of superhero related blogs this week, I would like to take a few minutes to discuss Batman. Because, let's me honest here, if the Justice League of America was a box and whisker plot, Batman would be the whisker. Batman is probably my favorite superhero, but he is also the most enigmatic and difficult to understand. He's not even technically a superhero; he's a rich guy with too much time on his hands. But seriously, there are so many questions about Batman that remain unanswered - where is Gotham city? Why is it always night time there? What does Batman eat for breakfast? How does he get all his hair under that tight, little hat? These are the hard hitting questions that need to be answered! But most importantly, who is Batman's love interest? Okay, maybe I haven't read the comic books or seen the right movies or TV shows, but it seems like Batman has some trouble with his love life. I don't know very much about Superman, but I ...

So, apparently today is Columbus Day - I had no idea until 5 minutes ago. But, in my defense, Columbus Day is not a real holiday. Let's think about this for a moment; the only reason Columbus is famous is that he discovered America. Except that he didn't actually discover America. I mean, firstly, there were ALREADY people in America - I mean, I'm pretty sure they weren't wandering around going "gee, I hope someone discovers us today". But, so what, Columbus was the first European to arrive in America - said no one ever. Actually, I'm pretty sure that Leif Ericson was the first European in America. I know this is true because it was on Spongebob; but actually, I learned it from Wikipedia like a real college student (just kidding, Spongebob would never lie to me). Vikings are cool Secondly, classes aren't canceled for Columbus Day; so I don't see the point. In my mind, unless it's a free day it's not a holiday (sorry, President...

So, last night I saw the new Amazing Spiderman movie. To be honest, I was kinda contemptuous of the whole idea at first. I mean, I like to think that I don't buy in to the consumerist, mass produced action movie thing - turns out I do. Because let me tell you something, The Amazing Spiderman is called Amazing for a freakin' reason. But seriously, I'm a sucker for genetic mutants beating on each other and tearing up NYC. The more ludicrous the better. Plus, there's the whole alias thing - I feel real clever when the people in the movie are all like "hi Peter Parker" and I'm all like "that means he's Spiderman". Like a genius. But actually, it always shocks me that Batman can just cover is eyes with the little badger mask thing and nooooo one has any idea he's Bruce Wayne. Like, I was five when I first started watching the Batman cartoons and even I could figure that out. And Superman? You'd think that eventually someone would notic...

This morning I was looking in a mirror and it struck me that, even for the person with the most well formed of ears (and my ears are pretty darn near perfect), ears are kind of funny looking. Seriously though, what is the cartilage for? What are the lobes for (besides earrings, I mean)? There seems to be a lot of uneeded flesh there, unless, of course, human beings are supposed to look they have very large, open faced perogies stuck to their head (without the delicious filling of course). If humanity is the so-called "master species" and all, why can't we have more attractive ears? Penguins don't even have ears, plus, they wear tuxedos - now that's classy. You'd think that if we were able to develop opposable thumbs, we'd be able to develop inside-the-head ears instead of having these flying saucers pasted to the sides of our heads. All I'm saying is that maybe George Bush would have been more popular as a president if his ears didn't stick out s...

Today in English my English teacher told the class that if we could find a way to connect our ideas, our essays would "write themselves". Now, maybe I'm missing the point, but the image that immediately came to mind was a piece of rolled up paper with eyeballs, holding a pen in his little, papery arms, writing on another piece of paper (also with eyeballs, but you can't see them because that piece of paper is lying on his back, in case you care). As if the one paper was giving the other paper a tattoo or something. So, how am I supposed to write my essay? Open Microsoft Word and yell "write" until something happens. I'm thinking that would be a pretty short paper. But actually, I've never liked that expression - I mean, even if a paper is supposedly "easy", most people can figure out a way to screw it up. And, as a person whose been subjected to many a peer review session, I can tell you that they normally do. Maybe essays are like the ...

I like Penn State; all my classes are withing walking distance and Creamery ice cream is included as part of my meal plan, what more can a person want? But someday, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, this campus will be the death of me; I give you one reason: people on bikes. For those of you unfamiliar with PSU University Park, let me be the first to tell you that it's frickin' infested with bikes. I mean, I can't step out of my dorm without getting almost plowed over by someone on their bike who decided that cycling down our sidewalk (which is basically 2 inches wide) was a good idea. And forget about crossing the street, everywhere there are bikes, making wide turns and cutting off people who are trying to make it to biology in under 15 minutes and weaving in and out between cars like they're training for the Olympics. It's like WHOA, you have a bike, so you're moving significantly faster than me, so you have enough time to calm down and look where you...

So, I have a theory that my name should be Wednesday. I know what you're thinking; I'd never be able to find my name on souvenir key chains or mugs, but hear me out. I have two points: Wednesday Addams Point one, I was born on a Wednesday. Point two, I AM Wednesday Addams. Pale, dark haired little girl with two braids? Child that never smiles? Unusually precocious six year old? That was ME all over. Okay, I don't want to accuse the people who created the Addams family of stealing my identity (mostly because the Addams family was around way, way before I was born) but let's be serious guys, I was that child. Even now, I am clearly a Wednesday - I wear a lot of black, I sleep with my arms crossed like a vampire, and I have a generally cynical attitude towards life. That's nothing like Wednesday Addams, said no one ever. But seriously, check out this discription of her that I found on Wikipedia: "Child of woe is wane and delicate...sensitive and on the...

So, the other day, my mom was telling me about how she saw some pink, octopus Christmas ornaments and she thought it was weird. "Who would want an octopus on their Christmas tree?" she asked me. I thought it was weird to, but mostly because Christmas ornaments in September is a little ridiculous. But actually, who wouldn't want an octopus on their Christmas tree? I think the octopus is an unappreciated animal. They're delicious (and surprisingly chewy), they're symmetrical - unlike those abnormal squids with their freaky cyclopes eyes, and, according to Animal Planet , they will one day rule the world. But seriously, I once saw this special about how after humans are extinct, land octopi will swing through the jungles of Borneo as masters of the earth. I'm just saying, planet of the apes seems a little far fetched - how about planet of the c ephalopods? For example, a few years ago I heard about this octopus named Paul who lived in Germany who could pre...