People Don't Write Papers, Papers Write Papers; But People Sure Help

Today in English my English teacher told the class that if we could find a way to connect our ideas, our essays would "write themselves". Now, maybe I'm missing the point, but the image that immediately came to mind was a piece of rolled up paper with eyeballs, holding a pen in his little, papery arms, writing on another piece of paper (also with eyeballs, but you can't see them because that piece of paper is lying on his back, in case you care). As if the one paper was giving the other paper a tattoo or something.

So, how am I supposed to write my essay? Open Microsoft Word and yell "write" until something happens. I'm thinking that would be a pretty short paper. But actually, I've never liked that expression - I mean, even if a paper is supposedly "easy", most people can figure out a way to screw it up. And, as a person whose been subjected to many a peer review session, I can tell you that they normally do.

Maybe essays are like the wizards in Harry Potter, they're not allowed to reveal their magical powers to us "muggles". But seriously, what was I doing in high school? Had I known that essays could write themselves I might have had an opportunity to study for a chemistry test or two. Might is the operative word there. I guess essays have to keep their abilities secret so that college students don't kidnap them to use in their freshman composition classes. Or, those of us who can actually write a coherent sentence, could capture them for sale in the black market slave trade.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Just sayin'

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