The Trouble With Tongues

So, recently a friend told me that her ex-boyfriend said that she was a better kisser than his previous girlfriend because she didn't shove her tongue down his throat.

Dogs are excellent kissers

Now, I have a problem with this because that's a little ridiculous to me. You'd have to have a frickin' long tongue to be able to get it down someone else's throat, like that thing from Alien or something. But actually, I've given this some serious thought (what else is college for?), I mean, is it even possible to stretch your tongue that far? You'd pretty much have to make it stretch twice it's actual length - talk about muscle strain. They should start making tongue work out videos.

But even if you could, why would you want to get up to shenanigans with someone else's uvula? You'd probably trigger the gag reflex anyway. Nothing says romance like vomit. Top worst place to throw up: in someone else's mouth.

And, even if your tongue was long enough for that, no one would want to kiss you, because it probably wouldn't fit in your mouth. You'd just have to go through life with your tongue hanging out of your mouth and, while that's cute on cocker spaniels, it's not so attractive when you're trying to get someone to make out with you. I'm sure dogs are excellent kissers and all, but, can you imagine how dry your mouth would be if you had to keep it open all the time? That's a lot of water to drink and a lot of trouble to go through to kiss poorly.

Just sayin'