I Would Buy Stock in Scooby Doo and Become Fabulously Wealthy

-
So, if I had a lot of money (like that's ever gonna happen), I would invest it all in Scooby Doo - not new, crappy Scooby Doo, classy, 90s Scooby Doo - and I would make a fortune and buy a private island and a monkey. Okay, maybe not a monkey. But seriously, it is impossible to dislike Scooby Doo. Like, I've tried; it just doesn't work.

What?
And there are so many marketing opportunities! They have Scooby snacks, Scooby Doo action figures, Scooby Doo backpacks, and Scooby Doo coloring books. And lets not forget that jewel of American cinema, Scooby Doo Meets Batman. Scooby Doo and the Dark Knight in one 90 minute made-for-tv-production! It's like peanut butter and oreos, too perfect (don't judge its delicious). But actually, Scooby Doo is basically a movie star; I mean he worked with all the pros - like Scooby Doo Meets the Addams Family, Scooby Doo Meets the Three Stooges, Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School, Scooby Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters! Legit, The Harlem Globetrotters were on Scooby Doo! So that was an event in my childhood. You know a TV show is for real when the Harlem Globetrotters start guest starring; take that Cartoon Network!


You see, people like Scooby Doo because it's so relatable! Like, who can't relate to being hungry all the time and eating stuff and wearing funny clothes and pulling masks off of people and driving around in a van with your peeps. I eat stuff all the time! I can totally understand! And losing your glasses? Well, I've never actually done that but I can imagine it's rather unpleasant. In the words of Eddie Izzard, people like Scooby Doo because they believe in "cowardice and sandwiches". I believe in sandwiches too! It's true (http://www.tubechop.com/watch/624306) We have so much in common! I'm going to throw all my money at you because you're a talking dog and I'm able to identify with you. Not literally, of course, because I don't have a tale, but in a cosmic sort of way. But I digress. But seriously, why wouldn't you give all your money to Scrappy Doo? He's so scrappy and adorable.

I'm no economist, but I think that's the basic principle behind investment. Groovy.

Just sayin'

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Trouble with Targaryen Eyebrows

-
Image
Those Eyebrows Though As you know, I have strong opinions about eyebrows . I also have strong opinons about Game of Thrones. Usually, those two things do not intersect, but today they do. Let's not dance around the issue here: Daenerys Targaryen has weird eyebrows. (If you don't watch Game of Thrones , this probably is total nonsense to you. In case you're interested, Daenerys Targaryen is one of the show's main characters. She is descended from a royal line that originated in Valyria. In the A Song of Ice and Fire books , Valyrians have very distinctive physical features: white hair and purple eyes. In the show, Daenerys (aka Dany) has white hair (a wig) but her eyebrows are dark brown -- mostly because the actress' natural hair is dark brown.) Anyway, if you watch Game of Thrones at all you know that Dany looks great in almost every episode and she's completely gorgeous and beautiful. However, the weirdness of her eyebrows is unavoidable. I know it,
Read more

The Yik Yak Year in Review

-
Image
So, I'm basically an old person now, so I just discovered Yik Yak this past year. Yik Yak, in case you're old like me and don't know, is basically an anonymous form of Twitter which shows you posts from people who are geographically near you. That means that the quality of the Yaks are really dependent on where you live; however, since I live in a college town, my Yik Yak is made of win. So, without further ado, I give you the Yik Yak year in review: When You're A Productive & Valuable Employee: Could We Stop Re-Making Movies Already? When the Struggle is Too Real for Spelling: When You Celebrate Father's Day with Yik Yak: When Game of Thrones Betrays You...Again: When You Thank Yik Yak for Your Freedom: When Worlds Collide: The Yummy Yak: The Obligatory Squirrel Yak: The Obligatory "All Weather Sucks" Yak: Ce
Read more

I Have Issues with Lady and the Tramp

-
I don't know if any of you have seen the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp in this century, but as a person who saw it for the first time a few months ago, I have some major issues with this film. It isn't just that pasta is undoubtedly unhealthy for dogs and that mutt gangs roam the streets, no, its the ending that really gets me. For those of you who don't know, during the end sequence of Lady and the Tramp , Lady spots a rat sneaking into the house, presumably to hurt Jim and Darling's baby, but is unable to get inside due to the visiting aunt, the Siamese cats, and their really annoying song which I'm sure we all remember. So, Lady goes to the Tramp for help and they break into the house, the Tramp then proceeds to fight with and kill the rat, although he injures his paw in the process. The aunt then takes the Tramp to the pound, from which Jim and Darling must rescue him when they return home. Now, I'm sure you all see the issue with this turn of events,
Read more

What Happened to Ernest?

-
Image
So, I've been required to read Frankenstein twice, once in college and once in high school, so I know that the book raises a lot of questions and themes, like the nature and importance of beauty and appearance in society and literature, what is considered monstrous in popular culture, the dangers of scientific exploration, etc, etc. But, to me, perhaps the most important question the book raises is what happened to Ernest ? In case you are unfamiliar with Frankenstein, let me give you a brief plot summary. Victor Frankenstein, the title character, decides that it's a good idea to build an eight foot tall quasi-man, animal creature while he's away at college. After he brings the creature to life, he has a freak out and runs away. After this, his creature, through a series of convoluted events, ends up killing everyone Victor cares about as revenge for Victor not creating a female creature for the monster. That is, everyone except Ernest. At the beginning of the book, V
Read more

What Really Happened to Cedric Digory (The True Origin of the Twilight Series)

-
Image
So, I was rewatching the Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire movie the other day and I started to develop a theory. Cedric Diggory dies at the end of the movie in the graveyard, right? Well, what if he wasn't really dead. What if he just became [duh, duh, dun] a vampire. Ladies and gentlemen, I have just discovered the true origin of Edward Cullen. My first clue was that Robert Pattinson played both characters in the film adaptations. You think Robert Pattinson played Edward Cullen because he likes Twilight ? You're dead wrong. Robert Pattinson hates Twilight! The only reason he did Twilight was out of loyalty to Cedric's story line. Granted, it's one of the more bizarre character arcs in the Harry Potter series, but J.K. Rowling is richer than the Queen; she doesn't have to make sense. Here's what happened to Cedric: So, first off, Voldemort kills Cedric. Now, a lot of people think that Voldemort killed Cedric because Voldemort is just evil, but the tr
Read more