Why I am Never, Ever, Ever Going to be a Science Major

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Every now and then, someone says to me, "you should do a minor in biology or something - you're so good at it." People who say that to me, you know not what you ask. Sure, to the casual observer, it may seem like I understand science. On the outside, it may even seem like I enjoy science, but do not be fooled, on the inside, I'm all like, "phytochrome - you can go die."

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That was why, when Hurricane Sandy made Penn State cancel classes on Monday I was all like "Bio lab? NOT FRICKIN' TODAY." Yeah, because, while I may be able to identify the pericycle with my eyes closed and recite the photosynthesis equation backwards, if you ask me to make a wet mount slide, I'm like "...huh?". I will answer multiple choice questions until I lose feeling in my fingers, but ask me to set up an experiment and you will get a non-committal shrug. Applying fertilizer? Measuring chemicals? Focusing microscopes? Not. Going. To. Happen.

 Clearly, the practical applications of science are way over my head.

Just because, I've been able to identify perennial rye grass since I was five (actually, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but when your dad is in turfgrass science you pick things up), doesn't mean I have to like it. It's like, when someone asks you to explain what ethylene is all about, and you're just like, well...I could, but I really don't want to. Okay, maybe that's just me, but still.

Science, you and me are never, ever, ever getting together.

Just sayin'


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