What Sort of Vampire Would I Be? (A Song)

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I wanna be a vampire so frickin' bad,
Drink all the blood I never had...
I would be on the cover of
Fang magazine, chilling with the Cullens and Sookie...

Oh everytime I close my eyes...
(whatcha bleed? whatcha bleed?)
I think of my immortal life.
Yeah, a different blood type every night,
Oh, I swear, The Red Cross better prepare
For when I'm a vampire!

Yeah, I would have a castle like Dracula, I would be the owner,
Everyday a transfusion, lemme at the plasma clinic,
I'd probably pull a Stephen Salvatore
And eat a lot of bunnies that don't deserve it.

Give away a few True Bloods like, here Damon have this
And last but not least, glamour away all human senses,
It's been a couple of months since I've seen the sun,
So you can call me Bill, minus the Compton

Get it, I'd probably visit where Godric died
And darn sure do a lot more than Eric did.
You can't suck my blood, stupid
Everywhere I go, Imma have my own coven!

Oh oh, oh oh, for when I'm a vampire!
Oh oh, oh oh

I'd be eviscerating newsman with Eddgington,
Gettin' my hemoglobin fix,
Then I'd day walk in the sun just for the heck of it,
But keep the undead and the living completely seperate.

And yeah, I'd be at the top o' the food chain.
Buffy and van Helsing? Slayer, let me take a bite at 'em.
I'll probably burn their stakes and crossbows
So even Lestat would hit me with a fang bump.

And not a single vamp around me would question my blood lust
Lest I stake them very quickly.
I know you all are getting thirsty -
Cover your necks, protect your veins, run away and scream! 

I wanna be a blood sucker so frickin' bad,
Throw out all the silver I ever had,
A different blood doner every night!
Oh, I swear, the authority better prepare
For when I'm a vampire
When I'm a vampire.


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