Just Sayin'

So, while the rest of the world is embracing the new year with open arms and all that nonsense, I regard 2013 with cautious suspicion. Yes friends, I regard the coming year with disparnumerophobia, which, according to the internet, is the fear of odd numbers. I don't trust odd numbers Now, before you go on and say that that's ridiculous and silly and other negative adjectives, let me present you with this. The last time it was an odd year was 2011, which was unlucky for me because I was in high school. Need I say more? Besides, next year is 2013. 13, is the odd number; I mean there is a reason it's regarded as unlucky like, well, everywhere! Friday the 13th? Apollo 13? Puberty? No one likes 13. Who's illogical now? 2012 had a nice ring to it. 2012 was a positive year for me: I started college, finished high school, kicked my Farmville addiction (props to me), and became an Angry Birds champion. I don't think a year could go much better than that. Besides...

So, last night my roommate and I were watching Mulan (finals, cough, cough, finals) and, I don't know if I've been indoctrinated with too much feminist film theory in English 200, but I have some thoughts about it that I never had before. For, example in the song "I'll Make a Man Out of You"; it's pretty ironic that Mulan, who is a women, is in fact the manliest person in the whole army. Which, may or may not be impressive because the other guys in Mulan's army are kind of wimpy (except for Shang who is the most chiseled cartoon character you will even meet), I mean, Chien-Po can't even swim! I would just like to point out that I've been swimming since I was five. But seriously, why is it necessary for Mulan to be so manly? She isn't a man. Why is it so desirable for women to act like men in this movie, I ask you? Like a Man! This is ironic because the whole film is supposedly about the importance of being yourself and, to 'be her...

So, I know I kind of missed the boat on this one, but my best friend recently got her first iPhone so, whenever she leaves it unattended, I steal away to play a quick game of Angry Birds. And let me tell you something, I destroy at Angry Birds, those squeaky, green pigs have no idea what hit them. But seriously, I like morph into the Hulk when I'm playing, I'm just like "smash!". I don't know what it is, but the little oinking laugh just makes me so angry, which brings me to the real reason I'm writing this blog. Snide little pigs >.< I have an anger problem, with Angry Birds. Ever since I discovered that I can play Angry Birds on my computer, my finals week has just dissolved into me flinging kamikaze birds at anatomically incorrect representations of pigs. And when I don't beat the level, I get genuinely upset! I'm screaming at the computer, I'm screaming at the pigs, I'm even yelling at the birds (because, let's face it, the ...

So, I don't know why, but people keep writing songs about me. Now, I understand that I'm just a fantastic person that everyone wants to talk about, but seriously Green Day. One of the first lines of Green Day's song Maria is "someone shot the president and no one knows where Maria went". Now, Green Day, that sends the wrong message. I mean, I don't care that Green Day wants to make me the inspiration for the first song on their International Superhits Album; that means nothing to me (just a little sarcasm there). But, seriously, couldn't it have been a more positive song? And this is not just a Green Day problem; The Sound of Music being made into a movie was probably the worst thing that could ever have happened to me because now everyone wants to figure out how to solve a problem like Maria. Excuse you. Who said I was a problem? All I'm saying is that everyone thinks its really great to be the Puerto Rican Juliet in West Side Story but ev...

So, last night I saw Breaking Dawn part 2. Now, normally, this would be where I would be all "warning: contains spoilers"; but, I'm not going to say that because, if you're a real Twilight fan, I figure you'll see it anyway, no matter what I say. Besides, if you're a real fan, you were probably at the midnight premier and you read the books, so you know what happens anyway. So, it doesn't even matter, and, if you're not a fan, then you definitely don't care. Personally, I'm in the category of people who appreciate the Twilight films for the works of comedy that they are. She does not look like a child But there were a few things were just really weird. First of all, baby Renesmee did not look like a baby. You would think that one ultra-hot vampire and a supposedly attractive human would be able to produce a baby that did not look like a martian squirrel. I mean, I understand that she's a special baby and she grows quickly but that d...

So, last night my best friend and I were discussing things we were bad at; she was talking about how she was bad at driving (come on, it was only one little chihuahua) and how she needed to relearn how to park and I was just like "you know what, I really suck at Tetris". This is what happens to me This may sound a little trivial, but it's no laughing matter. It's really a wake up call when you're sitting in the back of the classroom and you look at the people sitting in front of you and the entire class is on their laptops, winning at Tetris. I mean, I don't know how my eleventh grade Spanish class got through Spanish 3, but they destroyed in Tetris!  Not like Tetris is a game that you can actually win at (this should probably be it's own blog because there's a whole class of games that you can't win at, you can only lose at and I think it's bad for the self-esteem of America's youth), this is part of my problem with it. I think I...

So, as you may or may not know, this month I decided to do NaNoWriMo. NaNoWriMo, for those who are not writing nerds, is National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a novel of fifty thousand words in thirty days, which equals roughly 1,700 word a day. I'm on the strugglebus. As it stands, I have 21,315 words, which means that I'm almost 4,000 words behind. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea to try to balance 16 credits, 8 hours of sleep a night, and 50,000 words; I mean, something's got to give. It's not like I haven't written novels before; if you count my "book" of poems, I am the author of 10 novels (or, at least, manuscripts). But, even when I have a lot of free time, It usually takes me at least two or three months to complete a manuscript. Thirty days? Preposterous! Clearly, sleep is not going to happen this Thanksgiving break. But actually, when I finish this blog, I'm going to go write 4,000 words. -_- I...

So, today, my friend and I were talking about how much we had grown since we entered college; the discussion ended with us deciding to get Tamagotchi Connection version 2 for each other this Christmas. Oh yes, it's been a growing experience. Now, I know what you're thinking - it's too great of a responsibility, it takes the attention span of a fifth grader to keep one of those things alive; we are doomed to failure! And yet, and yet, we have accepted the challenge of caring for a chicken-nugget shaped, digitally animation creature/animal/thing for as long as it takes for the battery to die or for us to lose interest (which means a maximum of one month). But actually, Tamagotchi Connection taught me a lot of important life lessons: feed your pets, go to sleep at a reasonable hour, etc., etc., responsibility, child-rearing, things of that nature. Which is why I think it would do a lot of college students a lot of good to look back on their elementary school roots and why ...

So, today I watched Jenna Marble s' new video on YouTube in which she discusses her lack of understanding of her own gender and her addiction buying lip gloss, shampoo, and cosmetics in general. I was feeling pretty good about myself because hey, I'm no addict, I don't have a problem. With lip gloss. Yes, I must confess, I am an eyeshadow addict. It started out innocently, with two palettes of normal, every day eyeshadow colors. But slowly, it has spiraled out of control. I mean, how many eyes do I think I have? Two? Because I'm pretty sure that I have enough eyeshadow to cover every eyelid on planet earth - and some on the planet mars. I cannot go into a store that sells eyeshadow without coming out with a least one new color. Of course, like any addict, I justify this to myself: Oh, it's on sale, I would be stupid not to buy some , or, it's a powder, so it never goes bad, so I might as well , or my favorite: I don't have this color yet . News flash to me...

So, I was looking at the election map this morning and I noticed that Florida is the only state that hasn't decided yet, now, that doesn't surprise me (cough, 2000 election, cough), but it does annoy me. Obviously, it dosen't matter now and everything is pretty much decided, but I mean Alaska was the last state to finish polling and swung for Romney like 10 minutes after their polls closed. But actually, New Jersey is underwater and Staten Island doesn't have electricity and they still managed to vote. So yeah, the Sunshine State needs to get their stuff together. Florida annoys me. I mean, the weather, the heat, the humidity, the rain, the tropical storms, and the hurricanes; is it sunny, is it thundering? Make up your mind! Plus, ever since NASA moved to Florida no one can say, "Houston, we have a problem."  "Orlando, we're in some trouble", just doesn't have the same ring to it. Which brings me to my real concern, Flo Rida. It rece...

So, today, in English, we were discussing books that have impacted our lives and someone brought up Harry Potter. Now, for me, most of my English class, and most Americans born in the 1990s, Harry Potter has had a tremendous impact. Mostly, because, well, it's Harry Frickin' Potter. I mean, It's basically the largest cultural phenomenon in the past fifteen-ish years. That's why it bothers me when people are like, "oh, Harry Potter, that's just for kids, it could never happen, it's so dumb". Well. First of all, if everything that "could never happen" is invalidate then I guess we can disregard most abstract philosophy, the Communist Manifesto, and every alien film that's ever been made, which makes me really, because, you know, Independence Day, Men in Black, and Will Frickin' Smith. Secondly, you don't have to be a kid to appreciate Harry Potter. In English class, we often discuss significant details and allusions in books and...

I'm starting NaNoWriMo in five minutes. Pray for me. Please.

Every now and then, someone says to me, "you should do a minor in biology or something - you're so good at it." People who say that to me, you know not what you ask. Sure, to the casual observer, it may seem like I understand science. On the outside, it may even seem like I enjoy science, but do not be fooled, on the inside, I'm all like, "phytochrome - you can go die." -_- That was why, when Hurricane Sandy made Penn State cancel classes on Monday I was all like "Bio lab? NOT FRICKIN' TODAY." Yeah, because, while I may be able to identify the pericycle with my eyes closed and recite the photosynthesis equation backwards, if you ask me to make a wet mount slide, I'm like "...huh?". I will answer multiple choice questions until I lose feeling in my fingers, but ask me to set up an experiment and you will get a non-committal shrug. Applying fertilizer? Measuring chemicals? Focusing microscopes? Not. Going. To. Happen.  Clearly...

I wanna be a vampire so frickin' bad, Drink all the blood I never had... I would be on the cover of Fang magazine, chilling with the Cullens and Sookie... Oh everytime I close my eyes... (whatcha bleed? whatcha bleed?) I think of my immortal life. Yeah, a different blood type every night, Oh, I swear, The Red Cross better prepare For when I'm a vampire! Yeah, I would have a castle like Dracula, I would be the owner, Everyday a transfusion, lemme at the plasma clinic, I'd probably pull a Stephen Salvatore And eat a lot of bunnies that don't deserve it. Give away a few True Bloods like, here Damon have this And last but not least, glamour away all human senses, It's been a couple of months since I've seen the sun, So you can call me Bill, minus the Compton Get it, I'd probably visit where Godric died And darn sure do a lot more than Eric did. You can't suck my blood, stupid Everywhere I go, Imma have my own coven! Oh oh, oh oh,...

So, in case the 50mph winds and driving rain hasn't alerted you, there's actually a hurricane going on outside. Ordinarily, I wouldn't mind, my dorm room is fully stocked with pop-tarts, Oreos, and a pint of Ben and Jerry's, which, is all you really need to survive in college? The only problem is that I happen to attend one of the only schools on the east coast that hasn't canceled classes. frpgjiwrehgepg Penn State. That is how I feel. Let's recap here; Frankenstorm is coming. That is both a monster and a natural disaster. Last night, Penn State sent around an e-mail telling students to "use your own best judgment when considering traveling during inclement weather, either on foot or otherwise. Your personal safety is paramount". In my opinion, if you have to send and e-mail reminding students not to get blown away, you might want to consider canceling classes. But, you kn...

So, recently a friend told me that her ex-boyfriend said that she was a better kisser than his previous girlfriend because she didn't shove her tongue down his throat. Dogs are excellent kissers Now, I have a problem with this because that's a little ridiculous to me. You'd have to have a frickin' long tongue to be able to get it down someone else's throat, like that thing from Alien or something. But actually, I've given this some serious thought (what else is college for?), I mean, is it even possible to stretch your tongue that far? You'd pretty much have to make it stretch twice it's actual length - talk about muscle strain. They should start making tongue work out videos. But even if you could, why would you want to get up to shenanigans with someone else's uvula? You'd probably trigger the gag reflex anyway. Nothing says romance like vomit. Top worst place to throw up: in someone else's mouth. And, even if your tongue was lon...

So, one of my blogger friends, caffeinefreak , recently tagged me in a blog survey called eleven questions and, much to my chagrin, I'm going to do it because of peer pressure, capitalism, and the mountain of homework that I am currently procrastinating. So yeah. 1 - On a rainy day, what is your favorite thing to do? Now, given the fact that I dislike rainy days in general (because rain makes me wet and stuff), I suppose the best thing to do on a rainy day would be to stay in bed, eat some pop tarts, and read a book, like a cool kid. 2 - Would you rather read a good book or run a marathon, and why? I take book over running any day; mostly because reading a book is actually fun and running makes you all gross and sweaty; just sayin', no one ever works up a sweat by turning pages. 3 - What is your fantasy career and are you working toward it? Hm, to be perfectly honest, it's difficult to answer this question. In a perfect world, I would be a novelist, but that's ...

So, if I had a lot of money (like that's ever gonna happen), I would invest it all in Scooby Doo - not new, crappy Scooby Doo, classy, 90s Scooby Doo - and I would make a fortune and buy a private island and a monkey. Okay, maybe not a monkey. But seriously, it is impossible to dislike Scooby Doo. Like, I've tried; it just doesn't work. What? And there are so many marketing opportunities! They have Scooby snacks, Scooby Doo action figures, Scooby Doo backpacks, and Scooby Doo coloring books. And lets not forget that jewel of American cinema, Scooby Doo Meets Batman . Scooby Doo and the Dark Knight in one 90 minute made-for-tv-production! It's like peanut butter and oreos, too perfect (don't judge its delicious). But actually, Scooby Doo is basically a movie star; I mean he worked with all the pros - like Scooby Doo Meets the Addams Family, Scooby Doo Meets the Three Stooges, Scooby Doo Meets the Boo Brothers, Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School, Scooby Doo Mee...

So, yeah, I feel the need to designate this as a serious blog because there is no joking about the state of music in the world. Take this weekend for instance, I was doing all well and good, buyin' stuff at Kohl's until they started playing some Bieber and I realized that I might be outgrowing the juniors section because there was a 1D t-shirt on display. I don't mean to step on any toes...but I'm gonna do it anyway. Popular music these days is incredibly formulaic. I mean, if I want a dirge about teenage emotion, I could always read Twilight (maybe I should do a serious blog about books?). Now, of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but come on, how many times can Taylor Swift have possibly have been dumped? Why does Ke$ha wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? These are the questions that don't need to be answered! So, without further ado, I present to you my list of the top 100 pieces of music of all time (in my opinion). I promise I'll be ...

"How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?" So, the other day my mom and I were buying a pink shirt at Kohl's and I was talking to the cashier and I was like "oh, on Wednesdays we wear pink" and she was like "oh, that's so funny" and my mom was like "...?". That was when I realized, there are people in the world, a few, sad, unfortunate souls, who have never seen Mean Girls . Shocking, I know; it hurts me too. I mean, imagine going through your life without Glen Coco or the definition of "fugly". Because, let's be real here, Mean Girls epitomized my high school experience (minus Tina Fey and Rachael McAdams). That's probably why Mean Girls is the most quotable movie ever. EVER. It's like, when you're in class and someone is all "OMG, you can't just ask someone why they're white?" and you're like, that just came out of Amanda Seyfried's mouth and into my...

So, the other day one of my friends told me about this Victoria's Secret model who doesn't have a belly button. First of all, that's nonsense, and second of all it gives you an idea of what sorts of conversations I have with my friends. But that's beside the point because, apparently, it's true - Karolina Kurkova does not have a belly button. ...? No belly button, so weird!!!! Either that's proof that aliens have invaded our planet or Victoria's secret has started using robots to model their undies. So, being the hard hitting, investigative blogger that I am, I did some serious research (I googled it) and I discovered that Kurkova was not grown in a test tube (disappointing, I know). For a while, people thought that she had it surgically removed so that she could be more perfect (that's skewed logic if I've ever heard it). But the truth is she just had some sort of abdominal surgery as a baby that messed up her stomach. Seriously though, it...

So, I've been having a lot of essay tests over the past week and I've come to realize something. I am an atrocious speller. I guess it's always been that way, I just never noticed it before because I type most of the time. For example, as I write this blog, when I misspell a word, I get a helpful little red line and I control click and voila, it's as if I was walking around with a dictionary in my head. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen when you're scribbling away in your blue book with ten minutes to spare and you're making stuff up because the essay has to be 700 words and you have about 5. Yeah. That's a problem. Fortunately for me, in the modern world no one cares about spelling. All that's really important is that you get the first letter right, the last letter right and most of the letters in between. You should also stick some vowels in there somewhere. Usually, when I don't know how to spell a word I write the first two or three let...

So, because my dining hall on campus doesn't open until 10:30, they usually don't have breakfast food. This kinda annoyed me at first, but now I'm used to having lunch for breakfast, and I gotta say - I like it. I mean, nothing to get you started in the morning like a nice, taco salad, right? I find a shot of salsa really wakes me up. Cereal and bagels are for weaklings, I laugh in the face of bacon and eggs! The taco is the breakfast of champions. I mean, if you think about it, breakfast food doesn't really make much sense because it's all sugary and fatty and stuff. With a nice, respectable taco you get all of your major food groups, it comes in a convenient little package, and you can put guacamole on top. Guacamole is the food of the gods. I have tremendous appreciation for avocados. Just sayin'

Okay, so, today I was supposed to read the Illiad for my history class and I got about halfway through my assigned reading before deciding that I was going to watch Troy instead, because, let's be honest here, it's pretty much the same thing. Yes, I know, I am a horrible, horrible English major. But let me tell you something about Troy , that film provoked some frickin' emotion. I mean, maybe it's because I knew that Achilles and Hector were going to die and Troy was going to be destroyed, maybe it was the funky music, maybe it was the man skirts, but seriously, I was an emotional wreck by the end of that movie. It's just so tragic because everyone DIES and no one wins (accept for Agamemnon, but no one likes him anyway and he seriously needs a haircut, so he should just go away). Also, Orlando Bloom is in it, need I say more? It's so saddddd! Now, I know that I'm just falling for consumerism and stuff, but I don't really care because I enjoyed...

In history class we're working on a group project on Greek and Egyptian mythology and we're not allowed to use websites as sources, so we have to use books. At first, I was like "no big deal - I read books all the time". Wrong: I read novels all the time. Books are different, books are scary. I had a time in the library yesterday with my group. I mean, I don't know how people did things without the internet! Doing research with books is hard - and that's with the internet telling me what I'm supposed to be looking for. First, we had to find the books, which is a lot harder than it sounds because the PSU library in HUGE. I had to go into the stacks - with all narrow little rows of books and the lights on timers and the tick-tick-tick until you run out of time and the ceilings so low you stoop a little bit to go through the doors. I realized something yesterday, I have NO comprehension of the dewy decimal system. I was looking for a book in the 50s, but i...

So, here's the problem with going to superhero movies, you go into the movie feeling like a normal person and when you leave you feel like the Energizer bunny. Maybe it's the dramatic, gonna-go-save-the-world music, but seriously, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. All of the sudden you're ready to run across the country and lift cars off of small children. I call this phenomenon The Spiderman Effect. Don't get me wrong here, I'm all for daring rescues and such, just don't try jumping off any buildings because I'm pretty sure that, unless you know Tinker Bell, you're just going to go splat on the sidewalk. Please, please, please, don't go splat on the sidewalk. They're are so many more constructive routes through which to channel your energy. I mean, when I'm feeling ambitious I memorize irregular verb conjugations, I don't go out and stop a train. Leave that to the real superheros. Just sayin'

As an English major, I spend a lot of time thinking about words - nerdy, I know. But after nearly two decades of listening to speech patterns, I have come to the conclusion that English a really, really, reallllly weird language. Maybe it's just that I'm American or Pennsylvanian or whatever, but English speakers, as a rule, have a propensity for not pronouncing vowels, ts at the ends of words, hs at the start of words, and letters between the first and last syllable. I mean, are we French? Do we just stick random qs and zs into into words for decoration? I've been taking Spanish classes for the past four years and one thing I've observed is that, in Spanish, you actually pronounce all the letters in the word (except for hs, but we won't get into that). And I think it is for this reason that people go around referring to themselves as human "beans"; I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty sure that I'm a human being . I'm not judg...

So, following in my theme of superhero related blogs this week, I would like to take a few minutes to discuss Batman. Because, let's me honest here, if the Justice League of America was a box and whisker plot, Batman would be the whisker. Batman is probably my favorite superhero, but he is also the most enigmatic and difficult to understand. He's not even technically a superhero; he's a rich guy with too much time on his hands. But seriously, there are so many questions about Batman that remain unanswered - where is Gotham city? Why is it always night time there? What does Batman eat for breakfast? How does he get all his hair under that tight, little hat? These are the hard hitting questions that need to be answered! But most importantly, who is Batman's love interest? Okay, maybe I haven't read the comic books or seen the right movies or TV shows, but it seems like Batman has some trouble with his love life. I don't know very much about Superman, but I ...